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Gil Thorp, 5/25/10

I’ve read Gil Thorp for many years with three different artists at the helm, and I’ve sort of grown fond of the strip’s tendency to cut away from the sports action just as something exciting’s going to happen, showing us only someone reacting to it. But sometimes it would be nice to see actual events occurring; in this case, for instance, perhaps we could see not just the (unsettlingly pinheaded) shortstop crouching as the ball heads his way, but his bobbling of the play as well, or maybe the runners crossing home plate. Though perhaps it’s for our own good: Marty’s eyeball is a milky white, indicating that the play was so exciting that it was like looking directly into a blinding nuclear explosion.

Apartment 3-G, 5/25/10

OH SNAP LU ANN JUST ADMITTED SHE’S A BOYFRIEND-STEALING STRUMPET (in the safety of her mind, where Margo can’t hear her, or so she thinks). I’m a bit puzzled by the “maybe twice” line, which sort of implies that she steals so many boyfriends from so many people that she can’t keep track of them all, though it’s just as likely that she can’t remember because of her oxygen-deprivation-induced brain damage. Anyway, the last boyfriend I remember Lu Ann stealing from Margo was FBI Pete, with all the betrayal happening even before I started the blog, so who even knows how far back the other shenanigans happened.

Herb and Jamaal, 5/25/10

Every five and a half years or so, Herb and Jamaal tests the waters to see if the world of newspaper comics is ready for a joke about hiding corpses. We’ll see if they’ll print it in November of 2015, assuming that newspapers still exist then!

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You guys! As you may have heard, this past Saturday, for only the second time in recorded human history, I emerged from my hidey-hole to interact with readers at a scheduled event, in person! This glorious happening happened in our nation’s capital, and the organizational efforts were entirely on the part of faithful reader Bourbon Babe, unbuckled, with whom I actually got to drink bourbon! I had a great time, and was even gifted with a special purple lorikeet-themed t-shirt, from faithful reader Écureuil Écumant! (Mr. É-É also sported a genuine Dr. Jeff Corey-style green suit jacket for the occasion.) Other attendees included faithful readers Miss Othmar (and her son!), Mooncattie, Wossname, Seismic-2, Perkybird (and Mr. Perkybird!), The Ridger, Paul, Spunkyzoo (aka Susie), and Razmytaz and his wife and son! (And I think that’s it? Write me if I’ve left you out!) You should check out the Flickr photo sets of the event from Bourbon Babe and Mooncattie to see not only the event itself but the outing to the zoo organized earlier. If you need any incentive to look at these pictures, I have one thing to say to you: Rusty’s head on a stick.

Thanks to everybody who came out! (And special thanks to the Perkybirds who went totally out of their way to drive me back to my DC friends’ house, as the Washington Metro Red Line was undergoing track work and was apparently quite the fright.)

And now: your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Poor Lu Ann. She finally gets up the courage to give Margo ‘the finger’, without ever realizing it’s a specific finger, and that isn’t it.” –Concrete Queen

And the runners up! Quite amusing!

“I’m starting to think that Curtis’s hat isn’t a conscious decision on his part, but maybe some kind of Flyspeck Island cursed artifact that’s attached to his head, constantly making him look like a moron. Look at panel 3, where he eyes his eternal punishment wearily.” –Taquelli

“Luann: ‘Something came up.’ ‘Something? Like…?’ ‘Something like MY PENIS! Bahahaha!! …Seriously, though, I can’t make it.'” –Austria

“I love how Mark specifically tells Rusty, ‘You’re not going to rest until Sassy comes home.’ Had there been more room for dialogue, I’m sure that Mark would have added, ‘As for me, well, I’m gonna look for half an hour, forty-five minutes tops. Then I have to hit the hay, ’cause tomorrow I’m gonna have a long day of acting like I can see what’s different about Cherry’s hairstyle.'” –The Poster with No Name

“Going by the Shirt-Off-Yore-Back Feller’s appearance, I’d guess the M is for Manscaping.” –Red Greenback

“Today’s Luann wins the award for the worst sexual metaphor ever. The phrase ‘Could you freeze my goodies’ should be forever outlawed by the Geneva Sexy-Talk Convention.” –Stu

“I don’t think those are shoulder pads. I’m not an oncologist, but I think I know a malignant clavicle when I see it.” –wagmore barkless

“Dennis the Menace has shown young Dennis praying at his bedside for decades, but I don’t know that they’ve ever explicitly told us he was praying to God.” –Ed Dravecky

“I’m imagining the visual of a scrapbooking party in the Funkyverse. ‘Take the picture of your dead wife/attempted suicide/failed business venture and paste it onto the colored paper. Now delicately sprinkle the page with your tears. Don’t forget to take this out to scare off any of your offspring’s potential mates!'” –Dr. Dread

“Speaking of which, Mary might take a page from one of the Five Books of Moses, who A) was a humble and reluctant leader, B) learned that the Hebrews could be helped only when ready to help themselves, and C) rarely if ever wore a neckerchief.” –Comics Fan

“Q: What do Pluggers have in common with Mark Trail? A: Dog hairs and skid marks.” –Ned Ryerson

“Nothing more romantic than a road flare lit dinner for two.” –zerowolf

“Dolly asks a legitimate question. When Daddy is under the weather, he is sick. When Daddy is flying over the weather, he is high.” –survivor

“By ‘X-pensive,’ Cosmo means ‘thinking about porn’ — hence his posture in front of the TV, lack of pants, and surprised expression.” –Uncle Lumpy

“9 Chickweed Lane, October 30th, 2009: ‘Juliette, did I ever tell you how I met and fell in love with your father?’ 9 Chickweed Lane, May 24th, 2010: ‘–he mounted me again. Our sweaty bodies were writhing and grinding as he rhythmically thrusted his–‘ ‘Will you look at the time! Mom, I … I really need to go.'” –Push Trot

“Slylock’s normal mystery has been replaced by an annoying numerical mystery that only a meth head could solve. ‘Is it 15 spiders or only 14? In all this excitement, I can’t tell. You’ve got to ask yourself one question: do you feel delusional? Well, do you?!'” –Jumper

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Wereling: A book to sink your teeth into!: Is he boy or beast? Trey’s ordinary life is wrenched apart when he discovers he’s the last hereditary werewolf, demons are closing in, and the most psychopathic bloodsucker to rock the Netherworld wants him dead.

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Spider-Man, 5/24/10

The final deadly confrontation between Spider-Man and Sabretooth that we’ve all been waiting for has at last arrived — only to be derailed by the appearance of Wolverine. Since Sabretooth was only harassing the web-slinger to find his brother, I assume that Spidey and Mary Jane can now quietly leave the theater and let this family spat work itself out. Whew, another opportunity for superheroics thankfully avoided!

Note that Wolverine learned a little about living the good life from his earlier encounter with Spider-Man: his villainous brother was apparently unable to track him down because he’s been spending his time in his apartment, watching television. I am impressed that he’s no longer sneaking into the back of trucks and instead is flying commercial when he needs to travel long distances.

Slylock Fox, 5/24/10

I’m not sure if we’ve ever seen Dumpy Dog before, and thus the strip doesn’t trust us to automatically assume he’s guilty, even though he displays the poor posture and grooming endemic to the Slylock Fox rogues gallery. “Look, we’ve already done the legwork on this one, OK?” the strip is essentially telling us. “Just count the damn spiders.” I guess this is how Max feels, all the time?

Archie, 5/24/10

Archie’s dad remembers a day when youth were afire with literary passions! They stayed up late at fashionable salons, smoking and drinking wine and arguing the merits of the latest Booker Prize winner until the wee hours. They really believed that prose could change the world, and thus it’s terribly depressing to him that the next generation sees in printed matter only utility. There is a cold majesty to the practical advice in the books Archie reads, but the magic that once animated his father’s days is long gone.

Family Circus, 5/24/10

Speaking of the death of enchantment, the Keane Kids are so crushed by omnipresent corporate culture that their very souls are stunted. The transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly, once a source of such wonder to so many generations of children, has in their minds been reduced to an act no more interesting than the elevation of a group coordinator to an assistant regional manager. One imagines the chrysalis bursting open and the butterfly shaking its wings free, only to settle into a cubicle just slightly larger than the one it left, under the glow of the same harsh fluorescent lighting, wondering if this was really worth all the striving.

Jumble, 5/24/10

Now here’s a kid who hasn’t lost his belief in magic. “Remember, if you see your presents before your birthday, they’ll vanish into the ether! And mommy will know you’ve been naughty, and will kill you with her mind.”