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Completing my Monday evening lightning round blogging, I give you your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Lu Ann is trying to decide if kidnapping Margo’s fiancé, tying him up in the closet, and faking his death in Asia counts as ‘boyfriend stealing.’ Give her a moment.” –Black Drazon

And the almost-as-hilarious runners up!

“This can only end with Sassy trapped in a well.” –Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™

“Glad to see that Herb and Jamaal made that vital leap from AOL to Hotmail, proving that they are always at least five years behind the most popular Internet program. Can’t wait until the 2015 version of the strip that tells us to visit the Herb and Jamaal Facebook page.” –Taquelli

“Come on, there is no way Lu Ann would be able to refrain from verbalizing her every thought, Spider-Man style.” –Steve S

Wait, come back! You didn’t pay your bill!” –Calico

Re: Spider-Man: “The fact that the [comic book] is pretty good only serves to make newspaper Spider-Man worse. It’s a bit like if they made the New Testament into a newspaper strip, and it was Ziggy.” –Push Trot

“As a dog owner, I know that the best way to deal with a runaway dog is to stand in the doorway and try to reason with it.” –Iconoclast

“Luann’s mother clearly needs to be blitzed out of her mind to deal with her daughter in any way, shape, or form. This makes her the closest thing in the strip to an audience surrogate.” –Dragon of Life

“Why would anyone tell a young person, ‘Why do you feel the need to be romantic toward anyone?’ Maybe because I’m fueled by raging hormones, you lifeless, spirit-crushing robot. Her track goes somewhere: straight into the void where her soul should be.” –Joike

“Only in the world of Jack Elrod does one find a vet so dispassionate that he merely comments on a pup’s sure death as the collar-less stray runs off into Big City traffic. Mark’s next Sunday InfoStrip nugget: ‘Many veterinarians are avid taxidermists!'” –Bennui

“You’re a plugger if you think diabetes is a myth invented by lettuce farmers.” –mustang

“I wouldn’t be so sure that Bonnie has her shopping habit under control, considering that she just stopped to purchase a liter of blood.” –BigTed

And I have good news about Ernie! He died in a car crash near the Aldo Memorial Crevasse while he was fleeing our loveless marriage! I can shop all I want, now!” –Snuggs

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And here’s where we might be giving thanks to advertisers like you! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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B.C., 5/31/10

With Johnny Hart’s grandson Mason Mastroianni firmly at the helm of the strip, at long last it can shake off its lassitude and take principled stands on current issues. For instance, there’s a major energy company whose sins of omission and commission have angered millions of Americans of late, and that company is … Enron? Eh, sure, why not. Logo’s sure easier to draw, right?

Apartment 3-G, 5/31/10

At least one employee of the Mills Gallery has the appropriate attitude for working there (i.e., constant, debilitating mortal terror). “NO, DON’T TALK TOO LOUDLY! SHE CAN HEAR US! SHE CAN ALWAYS HEAR US!”

Family Circus, 5/31/10

Ha ha! It’s another adorable malapropism from little Jeffy! Clearly the word he meant to use is “unemployable.”

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/30/10

Snuffy is admittedly improvising under pressure here, but I’m a little disappointed at his excuse-making’s failure to cohere into a satisfying whole. Since he was questioned about his intentions for that sack full of live chickens, surely all concerned could better pretend at the virtue of the situation had the subsequent bribe been offered in chicken form. Indeed, I’ve assumed that poultry is more or less the main currency in Hootin’ Holler anyway, a suspicion that is confirmed by the somewhat dodgy appearance of the note Snuffy is handing Sheriff Tait. It certainly doesn’t resemble a U.S. greenback, which makes sense as those probably haven’t been seen around town since the local TVA office closed down. My guess is that this is a piece of scrip issued by the operators of the nearest coal mine; though the mine and the accompanying company store have also been shuttered for decades, Hootin’ Holler residents still atavistically ascribe value to the crumbling pieces of paper.

Crock, 5/30/10

I’m also interested in how exactly the local economy works in Crock. There doesn’t seem to be any kind of permanent settlement associated with the strip’s Foreign Legion outpost, just a series of isolated retail establishments created as needed to support the lame joke of the day. I guess it’s understandable that the employees of “Dress Shoppe,” having no competition in the clothes trade, lack any sense of customer service. Maybe the next shop will do better, now that Grossie has destroyed this one.

Panel from Mary Worth, 5/30/10

EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! THE INDIVIDUAL KNOWN AS “BONNIE” (indicated) HAS HAD HER SOUL COMPLETELY DEVOURED BY MARY WORTH! SUGGEST IMMEDIATE MERCY TERMINATION OF HER UNDEAD CORPOREAL FORM!