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No fuss, no muss this week: just your comment of the week.

“I know we all get to that point with Pluggers where we think, ‘These man-beasts are based on real people, which is so sad it’s almost unbearable.’ I just wanted to let everyone know, I got there today. And when I did, I had myself a little giggle at the ‘bear’ pun I made in my head. Unbearable … haha. Then I got sadded out again.” –Maggie

And your runners up as well! Very funny!

“[Crankshaft says something.] [Somebody asks him a question about it.] [Crankshaft makes a weak pun-like statement.] Oh, I forgot to say: SPOILER FOR CRANKSHAFT.” –[Old Man] Muffaroo

“The only way this could be more deflating is if Margo suddenly developed the capacity to love.” –Nekrotzar

“Sam was shocked and surprised for so long I was beginning to get worried. I’m glad to see him back at the top of his game. Whichever game it is that requires him to be a smug dick.” –Darkefang

“I would totally read the Mark Trail spinoff series ‘Ranger Buzz Gets Laid,’ in which Ranger Buzz travels to remote locations that are always fortuitously populated by young, attractive single ladies. He introduces himself as the improbably named ‘Ranger Buzz,’ they are inevitably smitten, and then they do it. While the local woodland creatures watch.” –Revenge of Chesnut

“I eagerly anticipate the end of this Mary Worth storyline, where ‘Bonnie’ turns out to be Wilbur Weston in drag, and ‘Mary Worth’ turns out to be David Bowie.” –Steve S

“Wow, that’s a lot of text for a Pluggers comic. I wonder if their readership made it all the way through.” –JD

“When you’re a plugger, Big Mouth Billy Bass is apparently a bedroom aide.” –BowToTheBard

“For Margo, guns are as common as neckerchiefs in whatever hell hole Lu Ann claims to be from.” –skullcrusherjones

“This is actually a reworking of the original submission, as ‘Pluggers think Ice-T is that cold tea beverage that you drink, with ice, and not that rap guy/TV sex crimes investigator’ was deemed too clunky even by Pluggers standards.” –Violet

“Josh, do not fear the hammer. Fear the hammer handle. Obviously, we have not witnessed the same porn movies.” –Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™

“Jeffy should respond to this disappointment like he does all disappointments, by shocking his mother with nudity.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“I too read Tiffany’s line in panel 2 as referring pretty straightforwardly to a vibrator. Then I realized that that would have been a reasonably snappy sarcastic response to Gunther’s creepy, vaguely insulting question, and was therefore unlikely to have appeared in a Luann strip.” –perchingpath

“So the Random Luann Romance Generator finally threw out Gunther and Tiffany. And I keep waiting for it to be Bernice and Delta’s turn.” –yellojkt

“On the (reasonably lengthy) list of things that high school boys absolutely do not say, ‘I think if we talk about our issues, we’ll both feel better’ constitutes at least one in every three of them.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Hey waitaminute, Dave: Lily’s lost a very big part of her retirement savings? Must be one helluva prenup.” –Uncle Lumpy

“That second panel of the Phantom is fantastic. The glum but grim face of the Phantom as the narration box practically screams the word DEAD at him, while he stands just outside his creepy skull cave taking a sad, forlorn leak. ‘I will avenge you, Diana, after I’m finished draining the PYTHON.'” –Taquelli

“Frankly, I love Falk’s transformation in the third panel. He just went from erudite professor to bad-ass: he sheds the extra-lame ‘book’, adds a piercing glare, aqua bowler hat, menacing skull beating-stick, and a real zebra-skin coat draped over his right arm. Aww yeah, it’s Pimp time, bitches.” –Margaret

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Hagar the Horrible, 4/19/10

Wow, this little crowd scene may represent the most artistic effort and affection I’ve ever seen lavished on a Hagar the Horrible strip. There are really quite a lot of nice touches: the crowd behind our heroes, grinning good-naturedly at the spectacle; the occasional pitchfork, conveying the both social class of the onlookers and the threat of violence lurking just beneath the surface of the seemingly festive gathering; the knight just to the left of Lucky Eddie, literally licking his lips in anticipation, and his friend, cheerfully pointing out some detail of interest to him; and, of course, the black-robed, torch-wielding executioner, his eyes wild but his dour expression indicating that he alone appreciates the terrible gravity of what’s about to take place.

Of course, all this is in service a particularly grim punchline — ha ha, everyone likes coming out to see a couple of guys get set on fire! Of course, said guys are savage Viking warriors who may well have killed or enslaved many of the family and friends of the people in the crowd, so perhaps their murderous glee is justifiable.

The Phantom, 4/19/10

So it turns out that the narrator dude who I misidentified last December as Billy Dee Williams was, as several helpful readers pointed out, merely a miscolored depiction of deceased Phantom creator Lee Falk. Apparently the coloring crew has been alerted and today he has been depicted with the proper skin tone. However, I’m not sure if anyone can explain the artist’s choice to portray him in panel three as a some kind of deranged goth leprechaun, complete with skull-tipped shillelagh.

Marvin, 4/19/10

Oh, look, it appears to be a new character in Marvin! Nothing good ever comes of new characters in Marvin, as nothing good ever comes from the strip itself, but since she’s making her debut by threatening physical harm to the titular hell-infant, I’m willing to give her a chance.

Apartment 3-G, 4/19/10

We may not get to see anyone die in a hail of bullets in Apartment 3-G, but we do get to see how Margo’s mind works, which is almost as harrowing/hilarious! “Only people who are so fanatically devoted to me that they’ll sacrifice their lives for my safety merit Margo Alone Time.”

Mary Worth, 4/19/10

I’m pretty sure Bonnie just made a pass at Mary, which I’m pretty sure makes her the second most sad, lonely, and pathetic person on Earth (after Dr. Jeff, of course).

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The Phantom, 4/18/10

A mere 15 months after Bernie Madoff’s arrest — and a mere six or so months after the launch of innovator Judge Parker’s take on the scandal — the Sunday Phantom is launching a White Collar Investment Scam plotline of its very own! While Judge Parker’s version ended with a notoriously dull flood of exposition, the always-saucy Phantom narration box promises us that the Ghost-Who-Doesn’t-Understand-The-World-Wide-Web will solve the crisis in world financial markets with his fists and his pistol, as is his wont.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/18/10

So, it looks like the Morgans’ plans to forcibly drag their ne’er-do-well houseguests into bourgeois respectability are finally bearing fruit. It turns out that Brooke just needed the satisfaction of a job well done to coax out a smile that would break through her sullen shell! And Toots — or, sorry, “Tony” — is doing as he’s told, plus bringing just an extremely mild dose of countercultural wackiness (uh, what are the young radical kids into? the environment? yeah, put some whales and shit up there, that’s the ticket) to brighten up Rex and June’s just-a-little-too-staid suburban life. Yep, it looks like everything’s going to be fine, just fine, right up until Toots and Brook sneak off in the dead of night with all of the Morgans’ valuables.