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Mark Trail, 2/24/10

Oh, God, this whole conversation between Mark and Cherry is just lousy with lies and omissions. In Mark’s worldview, not only should ladies not engage in fisticuffs, they shouldn’t even hear about them if they can help it, as the shock would almost certainly result an attack of the vapors, and might cause their wombs to wander dangerously about their bodies. And, of course, the idea that Mark has any plans to go anywhere alone with Cherry, let alone on a trip to his beloved wilderness, is as laughable as the idea that Cherry is capable of feeling love, or indeed any emotion other than loneliness and panic.

Of course, it’s possible that I’m wildly misreading all of this, and, as Cherry languorously plays with the phone cord in panel one, she’s actually initiating a little erotic phone talk. One of those rare women who gets off on being cuckolded, she loves to hear Mark talk about when he and his “friends” “preserve” “wilderness areas.”

Gil Thorp, 2/24/10

Speaking of lies, it looks like Gil was able to use his smooth talk to get the local state college to break all of its confidentiality rules and gab about Steve Luhm’s academic status, revealing shocking information that’s not at all at odds with Steve’s explanation of the matter! Look, maybe the guy just really likes janitorial work and doesn’t see the point in taking on more student loans, OK? Certainly in panel two you can really get a sense of how upset he gets when you interrupt him with your jailbait antics while he’s in mid-mop.

Spider-Man, 2/24/10

Dear Spider-Man Newspaper Comic Strip:

When you depict your “hero” sitting around on a park bench, complaining about his own boredom and cowardice, asking pigeons for advice, it makes me think that you might actually be kind of in on the joke, which makes it harder for me to make fun of you. Please step back from the brink of ironic self-parody at once.

Yours,
The Comics Curmudgeon

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Herb and Jamaal, 2/23/10

Today’s Herb and Jamaal is so bizarrely phrased that I almost think the AJGLU-3000 is moonlighting. “Do you recall your playing days in the NBA?” Herb asks, apparently worried that Jamaal’s years of substance abuse could wipe out huge chunks of his memories without warning. And indeed, Jamaal’s response seems to indicate that he does in fact suffer from serious cognitive deficits, as it makes little to no sense. “Green” is supposed to imply a lack of experience, but “didn’t even make that shade” sort of implies old-fashionedness. It’s all so puzzling that I almost wish that “anymore” in the last word balloon were bolded; it’s not as if the final-word-bolding in the other panels conveyed any sort of parsable semantic content, but it at least provided a sort of arbitrary structure I could hold on to in this sea of incoherence.

Gil Thorp, 2/23/10

I wouldn’t worry too much about a Cassie-Steve love connection, mom, as Cassie’s so embarrassed at just saying the word “janitor” that she has to stage-whisper it to you, hiding her mouth in case someone nearby can read lips and find out she’s been consorting with the lower classes. But just in case, mom has donned her Roman centurion uniform in panel three, determined to shield her daughter from the handsy attentions of the twentysomething set, just as the Legions defended Rome’s empire from marauding bands of barbarians.

Mark Trail, 2/23/10

Oh, God, is Mark, the worst husband ever? I’m assuming that Cherry’s panicked “MARK” comes not from seeing the banner headline “SENATOR BEATEN BY THUGS; NOTED OUTDOORSMAN CAN ONLY WATCH,” but because she’s always convinced, based on long experience, that Mark is in grave danger wherever he goes. And indeed Mark is holding back vital information. “I just wanted to call and tell you how much I miss you! I’ll be home as soon the vigilante rabble I’m assembling finishes dishing out brutal mob justice!”

Phantom, 2/23/10

I’m sure that I would be pretty depressed if I were a kid and experiencing what Kit and Heloise are going through — mother presumed dead, father blinded by grief and wandering the world without me. That having been said, there are few things that would have excited middle-school-aged Josh Fruhlinger more than meeting the Speaker of the National Assembly — any nation’s National Assembly, really. I was a profoundly dorky youth.

I also would have been pretty psyched to hang out with someone so relentlessly committed to proper dress that he wears a morning coat even to eat breakfast at home. Still, his wife is dressed awful casually, which sort of ruins the effect. One man can not preserve a lost world’s formalities on his own, Lamanda, even if he is the president.

Apartment 3-G, 2/23/10

Sounds like business-savvy Martin Magee has taken a “Negotiating to Yes!” seminar lately. “Look, Margo, I don’t care if I have to foxtrot, or samba, or maybe give you some money, or what. What I want most of all is for you to love me, but for me not to really have to put a lot of effort into it. If I can work a dancing metaphor of some kind in there, that’d be great.”

Judge Parker news! A little birdie (named bourbon babe) tells me that she’s heard from the folks at King Features that (a) Eduardo Barreto has definitely decided to retire (boo) and that (b) the new permanent artist will be Mike Manley, who starts on March 15. You can see Mike’s blog here; you can find samples of his comic book work around the Internet, none of which is really of the soap opera style. It will be interesting to see how it looks! UPDATE: Just saw on the previous thread a link from faithful reader Dave to some work by Manley on Secret Agent X-9, a King Features adventure strip. Check it out!

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Your COTW momentarily, but first, some funny comics-related pictures from READERS LIKE YOU! The first set comes from faithful reader Karina, who attended a Mardi Gras party thrown by friends:

They have a themed costume party every year — and this year the theme was “The Funny Pages.” So what’s a red-blooded conservation-minded girl to do? Dress like Mark Trail, despite knowing full well that no one would ever know who she was dressed as. I even made a giant punching fist, crudely fashioned from cardboard and masking tape!

I’m sorry to report that I did NOT win the award for best costume — but as that went to the guy in the bloody shirt wielding a machete and dressed as “Not Me” from the Family Circus I am totally ok about it.

Next! You might remember the pics sent by faithful reader Kattack of her trip to Monterey’s Dennis the Menace Playground. Faithful reader Jordon was inspired by them to take his own four sons to this sacred spot where, in his words, they decided to “show Dennis what Menacing is all about!”

Those are some rambunctious boys you’ve got there, Jordon! Let’s hope Child Protective Services doesn’t read this blog.

And now: your comment of the week!

“I imagine that whenever Peter Parker forgets his camera, he’ll hold an invisible camera near his face and make a clicking motion with his finger before exclaiming, ‘Oh no! I forgot my camera at the hotel!'” –survivor

And the runners up! Very funny!

“This actually looks like the idealized plugger version of a ventriloquist act, featuring a dummy who does not backsass his elders and instead is curious to learn about How Things Used To Be.” –Joe Blevins

“What is Gunther even doing over there flailing near the dancers? He’s probably well aware that he can’t dance and likely never volunteered, and he doesn’t seem the sort to act like a jackass in front of everyone. Maybe he was violently pushed backwards and is now about to crash into the ensemble. However, this impossible trio of male ballet dancers are too method to let an incoming nerd break their poise.” –Taquelli

“I had a decent joke about Grossie’s bust all ready, but the more I typed, the more hateful and insulting it became. The funniest reaction you can have with Crock is, as usual, to just hate yourself for even laying eyes on it.” –turingcub

“I think Crankshaft’s main contribution to the garden club is his role in giving the ladies the incentive they need to do the hard work of tilling the soil, by fantasizing that they are digging his grave.” –seismic-2

“When you’re large you’re in charge! And when your testicles are visible, then you are also in charge!” –Lame Caulfield

“Dick Tracy, one month from now: ‘You were under a lot of stress at the concert. How about a nice relaxing day at the races?’ [Cut to villains implanting small thermonuclear device into what we infer is probably a horse]” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Aww, Dolly said ‘anfem’ instead of ‘anthem!’ Isn’t that cute, and by cute I mean makes me want to punch a baby?” –Violet

“Before I read the caption, I thought the Keane Kids were watching The Lawrence Welk Show. Seriously. The black-and-white image, the rounded men in sweater vests with 50s haircuts, the musical notes rising up. Too bad the circle cuts off our view of the rabbit ears on top of the set. What sport could that trio have possibly competed in? Shuffleboard? Yodeling?” –Dondi’s Dad

“The only event the Keane kids are allowed to watch is the 25m sweatsuit run. Also it looks like Mom and Dad turned the hue on the television down so they don’t start asking questions about skin colours.” –It’s time to pay the price

“I would also like to note that Family Circus is flirting with Herb and Jamaal-style non-specificity. Granted, they really should take it the full way: ‘Oh, I like that song related to their political union. I hope they achieve high ranks in other competitions’. That way, this comic will stay fresh after the demise of both the Olympic games, sports in general, and the concept of the nation-state.” –Tiako

“The Keane Kids don’t really watch the Olympics, just VHS recordings of every American gold medal win since 1984. Dolly probably just doesn’t recognize her own anthem through the haze of decade-old magnetic tape.” –BananaSam

“Meanwhile, Kurt has fallen afoul of the Weston household’s obsessive penny-pinching. Write it down if you have to: Store-brand denture cream is a rip-off.” –Walker of Dog

“I’m not convinced that’s really Wilbur and a computer in the second panel. First of all, the ‘computer monitor’ is hovering about three feet above the desk, but more importantly, HE HAS NO LEGS! I’m guessing he put a half-complete Wilbur doll in front of a wall hanging, realizing his children are too dumb to notice, and sneaked off for a Craigslist ‘Casual Encounter.'” –Yanni

“Zip it, Dad!! Or button it! Or whatever it is you do to keep that toupee from falling off your head!” –Hibbleton

“The answer to the Jumble is obvious, as always: COCAINE.” –Poewar

“Toots, meanwhile, is modeling the latest from the Department of Homeland Security, fashions designed to reflect the latest terror threat level. As the situation becomes graver, more and more stripes become Alarmed Aqua.” –boojum

“I like how that raptor is hunching up as it casts a baleful eye towards the reader. ‘Oh god,’ it’s thinking, ‘the paparazzi.'” –Anonymous

“Hmmm…these rapids didn’t cure you. Maybe I should try to punching your heart again. After all, chest hair is just the heart’s beard.” –skullcrusherjones

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