Post Content

Mark Trail, 12/9/09

Oh, yeah, there’s an “old store” “a little way back,” surrre, Mark. I’m pretty sure that this is where the rationalizing about abandoning Rusty to be drowned/eaten begins. “He can’t feel his foot, that means gangrene has probably started to set in … a boy with only one leg can’t survive in the wild, it would be cruel to get him out now. And I’m sure drowning after the tide raises the water level up inch by inch over a matter of hours until it’s above your head is a very relaxing way to go — why, you probably don’t even notice it! Now, to hitchhike back to Lost Forest. I’ll tell everyone Rusty was taken in by a family of friendly swamp folk, I’m sure they’ll buy it.”

Phantom, 12/9/09

So, as a surprise to nobody, Mrs. The Phantom was not actually killed by a terrorist bomb, but has instead been secretly thrown into prison in some case of deliberate mistaken identity. Today’s installment is notable mostly because it seems to indicate that V for Vendetta has come up on somebody’s Netflix queue.

Pluggers, 12/9/09

Pluggers know that the love of an adorable moppet is a load of crap when compared to sweet, sweet, life-giving pills.

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/8/09

Uh-oh, it looks like the Morgan household has got a case of the squatters! And they’re slobs, too, and one of them is a busty blonde who looks capable of at least briefly experiencing joy — exactly the sort of person that June is most likely to skewer with one of her patented soul-freezing glares.

You know, sometimes when I return to my house, I have the strange, unbidden thought that perhaps I’ve passed into a parallel universe where I don’t exist, and someone else will be living there. I wonder if something like this has happened to the Morgans — if their cruise ship accidentally passed through the Bermuda Triangle or something, and now they’ve returned to a town exactly like the one they left, except nobody’s ever heard of them. This would guarantee hilariousness, as virtually everything this power couple does is based on an overwhelming sense of their own entitlement. The anger and befuddlement that will ensue when their increasingly plaintive cries of “But don’t you know who we are?” are met with honest “No”s will be delicious.

Archie, 12/8/09

A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, especially for an emergent cybernetic consciousness. It’s been long established that the Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000, the massive computer that creates the Archie newspaper comic, is connected to the Internet and aware of this blog; but now it appears to have decided that I am its primary audience, and is specifically filling its strip with things that unsettle and amuse me, including people gazing lovingly at their own image on computer monitors and creepy furries whose deranged eyes glow out from the otherwise inky black maw of their fursuits.

Still, the AJGLU 3000 deserves credit for adding some character development to this strip. In most iterations of the Archie mythos, Reggie exists solely as an arrogant, egotistical foil and occasional romantic rival to Archie. However, as depicted by the AJGLU 3000, when he’s behind his (Reggie-themed-photo festooned) editorial desk, he does seem determined to do a halfway credible job of running the school newspaper, an attitude worthy of praise. Of course, this being Reggie, he’s probably only doing it because he believes that a career in print journalism is his ticket to power and influence; this is misguided, but not as misguided as Archie’s apparent belief that a career in print journalism is his ticket to sex with cheerleaders.

Hi and Lois, 12/8/09

Ever since the real-estate market imploded, Lois has had little to do with her time other than hang out at the mall with her fellow realtors and talk about which mood-altering pills are the most fun and which crooked doctors will prescribe them.

Post Content

You might recall that I announced a while back that a redesigned version of the site is in the works. Well, it is pretty much ready to be looked at by our crack beta testing crew!  I’ve already got a good list of folks (you’ll all get a note from me with more info in the next day or so!), but I am still looking for anyone who uses a BlackBerry with Web-surfing capabilities, or a new Droid phone (or something else that runs version 2.0 of Android). If you match that description and would like to participate, drop me a line at bio@jfruh.com. (UPDATE: OK, I have enough people for this now, but if you’re *really* jazzed to participate, I could always use more!)

Oh, and hey, you know that top comment you’ve been looking for? Well, here it is!

“I love the gratuitous cell phone that the comatose Chip is clutching with a ferocious and doubtlessly drug-induced rigor. These OD’ing kids and their cell phones! I bet he’s TEXTING, amirite?” –teddytoad

And the runners up! Very amusing!

“I think I figured out why Jeffy is sitting there. He just burned a doobie. He has that smug far-off look, he’s sitting in a doorway spacing out watching his matriarchs get their gab on while Dolly drones on. ‘What’s she even talking about man, and check out that cat man that cat is far out.'” –micedwhale

“Mr. Howard is clearly so overwhelmed by Peter’s almost superhuman handsomeness that he barely cares about his mother at this point. ‘Yeah, yeah, the old bag seems fine … Tell me, what kind of product are you using in your hair? I’ve mainly been using varnish and STP in mine, but I want the kind of bounce and vitality that you have! I mean, just look at that shine!'” –Joe Blevins

“Make sure all six of those remaining hairs are combed over! You are a self-sufficient, confident man of strength, and your hair-placement skills will just shout out ‘Tiger In The Bedroom!’ to your fellow non-swimming, action-seeking pool party guests. And that long straw in your drink? Icing, my friend. Icing.” –Mooncattie

“I may miss Iris, but you cannot miss my irises!” –Dragon of Life

“So, Mark drives his station-wagon, say, ninety kilometres an hour off a ledge at least two metres up, and all it suffered was a broken tire? Maybe he stuck his arm out the window and punched the air below to soften the impact or something.” –Jacob

“Is this year’s Charterstone pool party theme ‘Hold Your Food And Beverages at an Awkward Angle?'” –Patrick

“At least you still have Dawn around. Its patented grease-fighting formula will come in handy, now that Iris isn’t around to scape the remnants of microwave burritos off your dishes.” –Pozzo

On Wilbur’s Facebook page: “Of course, it can only be authentic if he has zero friends.” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“And Rex Morgan’s storyline ends exactly as they all should: with a panel full of nothing but incredibly awkward silence.” –Black Drazon

“I like the fact that the only things visible on the buffet table in the Mary Worth strip are a bowl of apples, a plate of fish quenelles and a bottle of ketchup. One can’t help speculating about what the dessert will be. Bearnaise cake? Cheese-flavored ice cream with a topping of erasers?” –Anonymous

“Since Wilbur Weston’s stated profession is masquerading as a female advice columnist, I can only imagine that his Facebook page would have to carry the charade farther. So, when he asked for Dawn’s ‘help’, I suspect he meant ‘pose for my Facebook photo, and show some skin, if you could.'” –hogenmogen

“Phantom: If they just make this storyline focus on Diana escaping from the bizarre, unfocused international terrorists and eventually taking revenge on the Python — with perhaps the occasional flash to the titular character as he mopes around in self-pity and watches afternoon soaps while developing an eating disorder — I would be happy beyond expression.” –Master Softheart

“Also, you may be a tad on the chubby side, Wilbur, but you hardly constitute a legion.” –Violet

“I’m less concerned with Jeffy slobber and more with the fact that he’s hovering 3 inches off the ground. Not to mention the whereabouts of his mother’s legs. I’m not saying the two are linked in some sort of bizarre amputation-for-levitation satanic tradeoff. But I’m not prepared to rule it out either.” –It’s time to pay the price

“Judging from panel 2, Wilbur thinks this new ‘social networking’ craze is all about the shadow puppets.” –Steve S

“And here I was, expecting exciting Facebook statuses like, ‘Wilbur is standing in his underwear, eating handfuls of cold cereal over the sink.'” –mojo

“Besides, isn’t this guy an advice columnist? Because, really.” –Honeypot

“In honor of Wilbur, let me be the first person to introduce a new catch-phrase/cliche into the English-speaking lexicon: YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO COMB-OVER THIS PROBLEM!!!” –Marion Delgado

“In panel two it looks as though Wilbur is attempting to do finger quotes. Now on to explore new worlds, in ‘online social networking,’ and when I say ‘online social networking,’ I mean Japanese porn.” –Not_Wilbur

“I think you’re too hard on Rusty. Clearly he’s going to be a man’s man — how many 10 year olds would bother isolating which part of the car was on them before mentioning that they’re trapped? ‘The axle’s on my leg! No, wait, that’s the rear differential housing. Anyway, hand me the grease gun — as long as I’m under here I may as well make myself useful.'” –Evan

“Coach Fazio forfeited his entire season when his players got caught drinking. I went over to personally rub it in his face. How can I let my players stay on the team without looking like a bigger jack-off?” –AmazingThor

“On the other hand this might be the beginning of a theme where Rusty becomes increasingly mangled and deformed. In several years he’ll end up as a torso and most of a head that lives in a 5 gallon bucket.” –Birthmark Hal

“Wilbur just set up his account that same day, right? Was this kid sitting around searching every social networking site for ‘Wilbur Weston’ every day until he finally found a result? Because … honestly, that sounds like something Wilbur’s progeny would do. Maybe it’s not a scam after all!” –JC Lisbon

“I know it’s just a side effect of having to make Sunday strips nonessential. but it’s fun to imagine that Wilbur has been saying ‘Woah!’ and touching parts of his face over and over for fifteen minutes.” –BananaSam

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Advertise your t-shirts here: Find out more about the BlogAds t-shirt hive! Connect with young adults eager to sport your shirts! Reaching a tremendously expansive audience at a very low cost, the BlogAds T-Shirt Hive is comprised of a well-rounded set of over 30 social media elite blogs, who speak to a young hip male and female audience of clothing enthusiasts. These readers are seeking back to school threads, everyday wear and tear shirts, and any clothes that are stylish or humorous.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.