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One Big Happy, 8/27/09

You might think that my favorite One Big Happy character would be Ruthie, standing as she does on the knife’s edge between adorable high-spirited child and wild-eyed maniac. But I’m actually pretty partial to Joe’s moments in the spotlight, as it’s easy to see the belligerent and unemployed 25-year-old in his future. I thoroughly enjoy his third-panel soliloquy in particular, with its casual use of “do me one” and “aw right” (let’s ignore for the moment the fact that “don’t poke my eye in the bouncy house” sounds positively filthy); and I love the fact that whatever adult that retreating back in panel one belongs to has completely checked out by the end of the comic, leaving Joe to angrily berate a plastic penguin.

Mary Worth, 8/27/09

My goodness, is this the first evidence we’ve had that Mary is not, in fact, omniscient? Mary seems to think that all Delilah did was wander around the sterile Chartersone grounds for a bit ruminating on how great it was to be married to the bland, emotionally absent Lawrence; she apparently knows nothing about Delilah’s visit to Charley’s terrifying sex lair. Is Mary not perhaps the all-seeing, all-controlling puppetmaster that she seems to be? Or is she simply leaving out the most exciting part of this story because she fears that Tobey, too, will be tempted to test her devotion to her bearish Scottish spouse by checking out her neighbor’s art … of a kind?

Gil Thorp, 8/27/09

Well, this Gil Thorp summer storyline got dulled up real fast, with rage-maddened stalker Marty DeJong instantly finding personal fulfillment in coaching poor children. But the second panel is pretty poignant, with Marty saying that striking someone out — something he’ll never do again, since he blew his arm out under “Coach” Thorp’s “care” — is the best feeling a human being can experience. Presumably after dropping Casper off at home, Marty will go quietly hang himself from a tree in the Thorps’ front yard; it’s the sort of thing that would devastate Gil, if Gil were the type of guy who cared about things.

Apartment 3-G, 8/27/09

You know, if Margo or even Lu Ann were to tell some dapper gentleman “I want to thank you for last night,” she would mean “I want to thank you for the new heights of physical pleasure we reached together last night.” But this is Tommie, so she means “Thanks for the subtle unpaid grief counseling you offered to my much more interesting roommate last night,” obviously.

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Mark Trail, 9/26/09

Well, at last we know that “fishing trip” was the activation code phrase that the cruel scientists at the secret government bioweapons lab implanted into the brain of the hideous genetically engineered test subject known only as “Rusty.” Upon hearing those syllables, every gland in his Frankenstein-like body begins pumping at full speed, his pupils dilate, his breath quickens, his muscles expand, and the killing begins. The poor down-on-their luck couple in panel three will have another few minutes to sadly brush their little girl’s hair before a blood-drenched Rusty bursts through the window, screaming “CAN SASSY COME WITH US” at the top of his lungs as he attempts to bite off all of their skin.

Blondie, 8/26/09

Good lord, Blondie, are you trying to kill Dagwood? We all know he can maintain consciousness for only about six hours a day, with extended desk- and couch-based naps filling in the hours before his early bedtime and after his always-late morning awakening. Without that caffeine, his whole system might just shut down entirely. That shaking in the final panel is probably his body desperately trying to stay erect; in another few moments he’s just going to pass out right there in front of the water cooler.

Slylock Fox, 8/26/09

5) Rhinos are, like, totally baked, like, all the time. Answer — totally true, man!

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Very long-term readers will remember that, only a few weeks before my 2005 wedding, I had to upgrade the software that runs my site to stop up a security hole, which for boring technical reasons meant I also had to redesign the site, which resulted in a design with tiny print and endless white space that hurt everybody’s eyes. Then not long after I got back from my honeymoon, I found a freely available design template, hacked it inexpertly to make it work for me, threw it up on the site, and pretty much haven’t thought about it since.

But! I have at last decided to invest a little back into this thing that I spend so much time looking at, and will pay someone actually money to redesign it! Could that someone be you? Maybe, if you’re a professional Web designer, and know about WordPress and stuff! Check out the request for proposals and let me know if you think you’d be a good fit.

One thing you’ll note in that RFP is that I’m thinking (just thinking, mind you) of changing the comments so that they’re threaded — in other words, so that each comment has a “reply” button, and pressing it will result in your comment showing up indented immediately under the previous comment, rather than at the end of the list. I’m very interested to hear from frequent commentors on whether you think this would make it easier/more fun to have conversations, or whether it would disrupt the flow of things.

And I’m very interested in hearing from anyone — frequent commentors, occasional commentors, and lurkers alike — on what they’d like to see in the redesign, though do check out that RFP first to make sure it isn’t something I’ve already decided to do, and keep in mind that I’ll just be tweaking the design of the site, not its content. I can’t promise to implement everybody’s ideas, but I do want to hear them. Sound off in the comments or email me, whichever you prefer.