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Apartment 3-G, 8/21/09

Oh, Margo, I know that talking about the good times helps the healing process along, but describing your and Eric’s sex life in vivid terms will only serve to make everyone uncomfortable.

Ballard Street, 8/21/09

As a rule, I only mention Ballard Street, which generally depicts lunatics doing inscrutable things, when it’s particularly insane, and I certainly think that today’s installment, in which the McCullys are apparently eating their dog, qualifies.

Marmaduke, 8/21/09

In an attempt to put a stop to the damage that Marmaduke is doing to His creation, God Himself is attempting to melt the demon-hound with His divine radiance, with only partial success.

Ziggy, 8/21/09

This chef is attempting to get Ziggy high, on Robitussin.

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Hi and Lois, 8/20/09

You may think that the Orwellian reign of terror under which the Flagston children suffer is a bit excessive. The slightest infraction upon the parents’ arbitrary rules is met with CSI-level analysis, and presumably brutal punishment. “Someone spilled milk on the floor; fortunately, an elementary splatter analysis will tell us where they were sitting, which will bring us one step closer to the culprit!” “Who left the toilet seat up? I guess the only way to find out is DNA ANALYSIS.” But it all makes sense when you realize that Lois and Hi’s ultimate goal is to raise a family of master criminals for the international crime spree they’ve got planned. A few beatings today will keep them out of Interpol’s clutches tomorrow!

Mark Trail, 8/20/09

Speaking of master criminals, this not-assassin continues to improbably become a somewhat sympathetic character despite his crimes, possibly because he’s clean-shaven. “I just wanted to use possibly deadly violence to intimidate someone into not informing law enforcement about my mafia employers’ illegal activities! Is that so wrong? If that’s a crime, then lock me up, Mr. Strangely Affectless Khaki-Clad Individual.”

Apartment 3-G, 8/20/09

Hey, remember when Lu Ann’s boyfriend got killed, and everyone was walking on eggshells around her, and the Professor got called in to elicit warm, fuzzy memories about their time together? Me neither! Instead, they just shipped her out to South Dakota to be ignored for God knows how many months. Ha ha, sucks to not be Margo!

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Gasoline Alley, 8/19/09

I have been reading this Gasoline Alley storyline for the last several days, where Earl Lee Bird, a non-beloved character from a few plots back, makes a sudden reappearance on the Conan O’Brien show. Except that because this is comic-strip make believe so his name is actually given as CONAN O’BARBARIAN GET IT IT IS A JOKE BECAUSE HIS NAME IS UNUSUAL AND REMINDS YOU OF THE POPULAR MOVIE WITH ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. It took several days of repeating Conan’s name EVERY DAY in this strip for me to even notice this, and yet it is the best joke in the comics page today. DAMN YOU COMICS YOU DISGUST ME.

Family Circus, 8/19/09

Oh, except the Keane Kids have found a new victim for the daily human sacrifice demanded by their family’s terrible god.