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Apartment 3-G, 3/25/09

Apparently Dr. Joe’s kids will be take on the darndest-things-saying role that children are often called upon to fulfill in adult-oriented comics, and they’re doing a pretty good job so far, daring to question Tommie on her androgynous name, and revealing a hitherto unknown (to me, anyway) fun fact in the process. Kenley’s “Oh.” in panel two seems less like “Thanks for answering my question!” and more like “Yeah, but … but … that doesn’t really answer … I mean, you could go by ‘Abby’ or ‘Gail’ or … seriously, ‘Tommie’, what the hell?”

Of course, if I were Tommie I would probably have responded with “Kenley’s a funny name for anyone who isn’t an insufferable little yuppie brat. OH WAIT.”

The real meat here, obviously, is ultra-embarrassing panel three. Look for Tommie to sputter awkwardly for a few seconds, after which Kenley will say “Oh, my mistake! You’re obviously not anybody’s girlfriend.”

Spider-Man, 3/25/09

Oh, newspaper Spider-Man, you just can’t win, can you? Even when you’re expressing delight in your elderly aunt’s speedy recovery, you come off like a tremendous douche. In panel three, Peter looks like he’s primarily excited about not having to cook for himself in the immediate future.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/25/09

Funky Winkerbean characters are beginning to rage against their sadistic God, which should come as no surprise to anyone. Seriously, wouldn’t you feel kind of weird as a comic artist drawing your characters begging their creator for mercy, only to encounter further arbitrary misery? I guess where Funky Winkerbean is concerned, you should replace “feel kind of weird” with “cackle with maniacal glee.”

Dennis the Menace, 3/25/09

In other words, Mrs. Wilson stays young and healthy by regularly replacing her organs with fresh new ones harvested from children. Dennis only manages to avoid this fate himself by bringing her a steady supply of “raw material” — so, sorry, Joey.

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Blondie, 3/24/09

It looks like somebody got a copy of A Child’s Treasury Of Hobo Lore for his birthday! Yes, we all harken back to the Good Old Days of the Great Depression, when a quarter of the country was out of work, and starving men snuck onto filthy freight cars in a desperate search for gainful employment, or maybe just a warmer and drier climate more conducive to sleeping outside. The chances of getting your head bashed in by the railroad police were generally no better than one in four! And then there were the delightful hobo jungles, with the camaraderie, the music, the piles of garbage, the drunken brawls, the teenage boys trading sexual favors for protection — a great time had by all, and nobody with a care in the world! Well, don’t worry, Elmo, if things keep going like they’re going now, we’ll have those times back soon enough!

Hi and Lois, 3/24/09

Hi and Lois dares to show us the how truly grim the economic downturn is: not only are we losing work, and thus economic security, but we’re also losing the one excuse we have to avoid our hated homes and families.

Crankshaft, 3/24/09

The ’Shaft’s son-in-law is horrified by the terrible old man’s stated intention of living for another half-century. It looks like Operation Poisoned Hat is back on the agenda.

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New comics coming shortly, but first there’s a couple of things I meant to put in yesterday’s COTW post and forgot.

First, faithful reader yellojkt as ever is running some comics bracketology on his blog to go along with the NCAA basketball tournament. This year’s tourney is the National Kinkiest Komic Karacter Kick-Off, and you can vote! Voting is already open for Kinkiest Kouple, Hottest Soap Hunk, and Hottest Comics Barely Legal Babe, with more to come, including Best Bear and Most Dutiful Dominatrix. Vote early, vote often!

Also! I’ve been meaning to put this up for a bit … you might remember a few weeks ago when I compared Hi and Lois to Revolutionary Road. This elicited an email from faithful reader zooby, who found that dialogue from the latter worked quite well in the former. Check it out!