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Hi and Lois, 9/11/23

Sometimes it can be easy to forget that we live in an age of technological wonders. For instance, if you have a leak in your house, you can contact a plumbing professional, send them a photo or video of the problem, and have them give a preliminary diagnosis and estimate, all without the need for them to make the trip out to your house. Hi and Lois absolutely hate this, for some reason.

Dennis the Menace, 9/11/23

Not sure if this guy is supposed to be the Mitchells’ minister (in which case their denomination’s clergy has undergone a significant sartorial downgrade in the last few years) or just some hapless victim Dennis has decided to annoy while Henry and Alice stand idly by doing nothing to stop him, but that is the face of a man who is either unable to politely get away from a little moron who’s so theologically misguided that he reinvented Scientology, or the face of a guy who isn’t listening to anything that little moron is saying because he has to take a huge dump. I guess it could be both.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/11/23

Look, Rene, the days which you’d get paid for your musical talents and flim-flam schemes in cash or cocaine are over, you current operate as part of an interconnected network of specialized professionals, so get used to it and stop kidnapping people.

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Shoe, 9/10/23

I don’t play poker so I don’t know if it’s normal for three friends to be randomly assigned a total stranger as a fourth player for a game in a casino or card room or grim basement illuminated by a single lightbulb where you’re playing on a giant wire spool instead of a table. I do know that if in mid-game, that guy started, in the typical manner of his species, grunting out “Hey, who wants to fuck, huh? Who wants to fuck me. Who’s horny. I’m horny. I’m hornt up”, I for one would find it quite off-putting.

Gasoline Alley, 9/10/23

Speaking of off-putting, I can decide which possibility I find weirder: that we’re expected to believe that random people in the Gasoline Alley universe send letters looking for advice to Joel, a weird old man who does not have a newspaper column or blog or any other public venue in which to answer them, or that we’re expected to believe that people in the real world send letters looking advice to the creators of Gasoline Alley so that they can be answered in character by Joel in a Sunday strip. For the record, I don’t believe either of these things! I simply refuse to! I believe in a world that makes sense, damn it!

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Blondie, 9/9/23

Are you guys still playing Wordle? I am, and sorry if that isn’t cool anymore, I guess I just like having fun, but the reason I’m aware that it isn’t cool anymore (to the extent that it ever was) is because I know the game went viral in late 2021, which was more than a year and a half ago, which make it definitely not “new,” but I’m just an ordinary human man and not an ageless eternal character in a comic strip that’s been running since 1930, so the way I experience time is much, much different, I suppose. Anyway, do you think either of these guys, or any member of the Blondie brain trust, knows that there’s only one Wordle game per day, or that it’s available on more than one person’s phone?

Gil Thorp, 9/9/23

Look, I’ve generally been supportive of Henry Barajas’s moves to update this strip, but I draw the line at adding a mutant X-Man who’s impervious to heat to the Valley Tech roster.

Six Chix, 9/9/23

Did you know that Little Free Library®, a thing that I assumed had been born from an ethos of radical sharing and openness, is actually a registered trademark? I myself did not! Also, did you know that your local Little Free Library® is a good place to go pick up women? I’m really learning a lot today.

Dennis the Menace, 9/9/23

“You know what would really help with that? A car seat! But my parents don’t care about the law, or whether we live or die.”