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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/12/23

Barney Google more or less vanished from his namesake strip in the 1930s as it pivoted to cruel jokes about hillbillies full time, but he started making regular appearances again in the early 2010s. I’ve always been a bit curious about why that decision was made — was it just to mix things up in a strip that had gone stale? Was it to ensure that the valuable Barney and Spark Plug IP didn’t fall into the public domain? But today we learn the awful truth: Barney has returned to Hootin’ Holler because this impoverished, isolated community is at risk of catastrophe due to its limited gene pool, and the women of the town are eager for Barney’s flatlander seed.

Blondie, 3/12/23

This is, frankly, a pretty weak showing in the cluttered genre of Blondie strips that latch onto whatever current event has popped up on the calendar; I’m particularly unimpressed that they didn’t even try to fit into actual Oscar categories, instead making up a bunch of vaguely Oscar-esque ones. Still, my biggest concern arises from the very first panel, in which we learn that Dagwood doesn’t know the difference between Facebook and LinkedIn.

Six Chix, 3/12/23

Ha ha, remember Pizza Rat, the beloved internet sensation from 2015? Well, rats typically live about two years, and even the best treated pet rats five or six, so Pizza Rat is definitely dead now. Don’t let Six Chix fool you into believing that he’s lived a long and happy life in the New York Subway somewhere, he’s 100% dead. RIP Pizza Rat, c. 2014-c. 2016, you will be missed.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/11/23

Hank Jr. and his new bride live with comic book artist “Horrible” Hank Sr., and the most likely interpretation of today’s strip that one of the thing that makes Hank Sr. “Horrible” is that he forces his son and daughter-in-law to watch whatever it is that he wants to watch, even though they’re late middle age adults themselves and there are presumably other TVs or screen-based entertainment devices in the house. But the way he’s phrased it, speculating about the movie “dad has in the player,” kind of implies that they’re going to get home long after Hank Sr. has gone to bed, and watching the movie he’s left for them is their only option because the DVD player has some kind of elaborate lock on it, or maybe because these two simply haven’t figured out which of the buttons is “eject”.

Mary Worth, 3/11/23

“It used to be fun coming into your workplace and not doing work! But now that I have to do work … it’s not fun at all. More of a job, really. I don’t care for it.”

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Folks!!!! Are YOU in or near Los Angeles right now? Do YOU want to hear Josie Riesman, author of the upcoming Vince McMahon book Ringmaster, talk about the early days of Wrestling Internet, plus hear yours truly do a deep dive into Celeb Heights Dot Com, a website that, like mine, was created in 2004 and is still going strong, plus some other jokes? Well come on down to the Clubhouse in Los Feliz for the Internet Read Aloud, TONIGHT AT 7 PM!

Here is the Facebook event! Don’t miss it!

Your comment of the week is so good that it’s impossible to miss!

“I refuse to believe that, no matter how boring it must get at Estelle’s house, a dog and a cat would sit in chairs intently listening to her monologue her way into polyamory.” –Tabby Lavalamp

Your runners up? Also fantastic!

“The former Walther Geldbeutel dimly remembered hyperinflation, yes. And what he’d done to stay alive as a young man in Berlin. He wasn’t proud of it, but at least, like everyone else, Gertie didn’t know his shame. Or did she? Would she have to die like the others?” –RogerBW

“…And the award for ‘Least-Hilarious Quote From A Comedian’ goes to…” –Victor Von

“I’m not surprised The Perfesser looks so dejected: it’s the 21st century, yet no one has created a bong that can fit a beak.” –nescio

Listen to this on-line review of our practice! ‘Cheap signage, poor use of typeface, decent kerning. Try something that doesn’t look pasted on, and maybe a nice serif or two? And they killed my cat. Two stars.’” –Voshkod

“I can only picture Henry headed to work in shirt and tie, overly-short dress pants, and a briefcase. That work attire screams hipster barber, or maybe artisanal cheese sales. But they’re a single-income family, so that is probably more like marketing/communications for a start-up that makes software for barbers and cheesemongers.” –Old School Allie Cat

“Ugh, is there anything worse that when someone holds out their phone to make you look at their family photos? Well, other than when they try to get you to read the daily Hi and Lois.” –jroggs

“Only in the dying comics published in the nearly-dead printed newspaper is there a contemporary American high school sports team boasting a head coach, a couple assistant coaches, and all its community media devoted to it, claiming it needs to raise funding. The fourth panel is Gil pocketing a green wad, saying Thanks for the ‘retirement fund,’ suckers!’” –Bobby+Sneakers

“Nearly — gulp — fifty years ago, my best friend was obsessed with Charles Lindberg, among other things. His father, an American history prof, scored him an authentic aviator cap, complete with goggles. Even for 1976 or 1977, it was a rare find. I offer this for those of you who would like to identify precisely how out-of-date Gasoline Alley is.” –pastordan

“That expression of Blondie’s in the first panel is the face of a woman whose husband has just turned her down for sex by demonstrating that he’s very busy reading a magazine.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Look, Dagwood, you’ve worn a shirt with one giant button in the middle of your stomach for some reason for like 90 years now. It’s a bit late in the game to pretend ‘there are buttons,’ plural.” –Dan

“‘It’s whatever.’ Man, even a year ago I’d have made a joke about how this strip is written by some kind of AI teenspeak bot, except with the rise of ChatGPT, we now know that AI can do everyday vernacular much better than that. I guess in a way it’s comforting to know that Gil Thorp gets written the traditional way, by half-remembering a phrase they heard on the MTV some years back.” –pugfuggly

“As they leave the office, Dr Ed gets into his Porsche convertible and looks back to Steven; ‘Listen kid, you don’t drive a car like this by arranging flowers for a living. Now get back in there and put down [checks notes] Mr. Pickles!’” –Hibbleton

“If you find yourself wearing a lilac jacket over a mint green shirt (but white cuffs, somehow) with a powder blue tie, you’re well beyond self-care.” –Schroduck

“Dr. Ed seems not to have figured out the Doorknob Principle.” –Charterstoned

“In fact and in truth, Uncle Walt died in 1983, surrounded by family and friends. Everything you have seen in the forty years since then has been the final hallucinations that passed thru his mind in the last fleeting seconds before he slipped away. How do I know? I’ve been dead since 2010.” –The Real Skeezix Wallet

“It makes sense because Walt never washes his hands. By the way, that kid’s got the ‘Spanish flu’ now.” –Peanut Gallery

“Abe Lincoln’s coffin was buried ten feet deep and encased in 4,000 pounds of concrete. However, he was not cremated. So if you REALLY want to shake Abe Lincoln’s hand, and you’re determined enough, there’s no need to settle for half-measures.” –Steph

“I haven’t been a teenager since the 1980s, so maybe things are different now, but it seems that teenagers wouldn’t have the kind of disposable income to waste on NFTs — most of them, anyway. Who are these friends of his who are throwing this kind of money around? On the other hand, Alexander debuted as ‘Baby Dumpling’ in the strip in 1934, which would mean he’s turning 89 this year. That’s certainly old enough to not know a bad internet-based investment from a good one, and if the other 89-year-old kids in high school are as sharp as he is, then I’ll believe they’re using their reverse mortgages to load up on lucrative NFT futures.” –Larry McAwful

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