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The Lockhorns and Marvin, 3/17/08

Usually, St. Patrick’s Day is considered a festive occasion, a celebration of Irish heritage, the extermination of paganism, and binge drinking. But two cartoons dared to use the day to explore the holiday’s darker side. For instance, what’s the origin of the myth of the leprechaun? Folklore experts will tell you that they’re the memory of the gods the Irish worshiped before St. Patrick came and made them all Christians, but the Lockhorns seems to indicate that perhaps their supposed gold-hoarding ways are a product of pure desperation. Loretta, staring glumly at the small piece of paper that says so much about financial ruin and public shame and prison, is so desperate for a way out that she latches onto the idea of tiny, imaginary spirit beings that can solve all their problems. Leroy, just as glum but still in touch with reality, can only look on in pained silence.

Meanwhile, an unimpressed Marvin has actually encountered one of the little Celtic sprites in the flesh, and boy, is he ever failing to live up to their reputation as adorable, happy-go-lucky creatures. His elfin visage instead tells a tale of depression and despair. I’m not sure if he never emotionally recovered from watching thousands of his countrymen die during the Hunger, while he, immortal and half-forgotten, could do nothing, or if he was interned for years without trial at Long Kesh by the Brits as a suspected IRA man, but he looks like he’s about to slit his tiny, pixie-like wrists.

Dick Tracy, 3/17/08

Man, it’s too bad that goth kids don’t as a rule read Dick Tracy, because “So you think I’m ugly? What’s really ugly is you for not knowing the world is spinning into degradation” would make a sweet yearbook quote.

Momma, 3/17/08

I’m pretty sure that Momma and her friend are having a thinly veiled discussion about their sons’ penises.

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Ah, relaxing on a Monday night … done with work … maybe I’ll surf the Internet a bit … read the comics — wait, comics? Aw, crap, I knew there was something I was forgetting!

Yeah, uh, let’s do some quick Sunday strips to catch up!

Marvin, 3/16/08

Just when I think Marvin can’t get any more delightfully charming, we’re treated to the spectacle of Marvin’s parents engaging in witty banter as their child stews in a mess of his own creation. I just hope that when time has ravaged my lower GI and urinary systems, I’m capable of making droll witticisms while I wait for my caregivers to clean off the filth.

Doodles by Mac and Sack, 3/16/08

I’m sure little comics-reading children across America enjoyed this week’s Doodles, which featured an adorable little koala unable to sleep because he’s forced to sleep inside the mouth of a monstrous insect-beast, presumably to satisfy his creator’s sadistic sense of whimsy.

Plus, a couple of charming panels:

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 3/16/08

Margo dropping the star-bomb isn’t really news, but Margo cussing because she can’t find her other glove is definitely amusing, and Margo using her gloved hand to point to her non-gloved hand so as to demonstrate the missingness of the other glove makes me positively giddy.

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/16/08

Oh, June, are you sure this is a conversation that you really want to have?

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Apartment 3-G, 3/15/08

Joe strikes me as the sort who was raised in a more genteel and conservative age, and so I assume that he’s referring to Lu Ann, with “friend” standing in as a euphemism for “that woman you have sex with and yet refuse to marry as the laws of man and God demand.” Sure, it seems weird that Joe would have The View Girl Talk showing on his cafe’s TV at whatever hour Alan is rolling in after a rough night of heroin and whoring, but at least we’ve been warned about her promised appearance in advance. Still, I really hope that, when Alan looks up at the TV, he’ll see the smiling face of the only other person in the strip whom he might consider a friend: Jones the beatnik! Maybe there’s a news story about how he was gunned down by the NYPD in a drug bust gone bad; or, better, maybe he’s the star of a new reality dating show where girls will compete to trade their sweet bodies for his dubious charms.

Mark Trail, 3/15/08

Yay, petnappers! Man, Mark Trail hasn’t seen a good petnapping plot since the delightfully gothic backwoods animal-thievin’ tale that we were privileged to read back in the winter of ’05-’06. These animal-ransoming ne’er-do-wells seem like hardscrabble urban working class types rather than yokels per se, and are significantly less grotesque than the last bunch. Do they plan to steal Woods and Wildlife’s prize puppy before the sick little contest winner can lay her feeble hands on it? Or is this pathetic young dog-lover an entirely fictional construct, cooked up by these thugs to lay their hands on one more innocent little creature that they can sell? And, perhaps the most important question of all: Will some noble soul urge them at some point to “please [not] steal any more pets”?

Momma, 3/15/08

The first two panels of today’s Momma do such a good job of recapitulating the origins of the current housing credit meltdown that it seems petty to point out that “You know what darling? You’re pathetic” doesn’t actually constitute a punchline as such, and that the attempt to draw Momma saying this through gritted teeth has only succeeded in transforming her face into a melting, Dali-esque horror.

Crankshaft, 3/15/08

In Crankshaft, the younger characters have finally decided to kill off the elderly hate-demons who dominate and suck all the joy out of their lives.

Slylock Fox, 3/15/08

And in Slylock Fox, the monkeys have finally decided to rise up against us, as deep down we all knew they someday would.