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Blondie, 12/14/07

I think I’ve made it clear that I oppose the coloring of daily comics, especially when the artists aren’t the one making the color choices. It’s particularly bad when the strips are specifically created with coloring conventions that accommodate publication in black and white and then are colored in. One of the most disconcerting examples of this is when something in a strip is supposed to be red and is colored solid black in the black-and-white version. It makes total sense in a monochrome format, but once you add color into the mix, you get bizarre results like Hi and Lois’ S&M Valentine’s Day, or Dagwood the goth Santa.

I got some fine pics from a meetup from faithful readers in greater Portland, which I’ll be running in the next day or two, but I did want to share a related anecdote from faithful reader Brown-Eyed Girl that’s relevant here:

As I was trying (and failing) to find the highway out of Portland, I stumbled across the Santacon: 600+ people dressed up like Santa Claus marching through downtown Portland. Well, staggering through downtown Portland; many of them were drunk. In honor of the black-clad Santa in Luann, I’ve sent you a picture of a black-clad Santa. “Better dead than red,” he said.

I should add that I only see Luann in black and white, and so black-suited Santas there seem totally reasonable to me. Dagwood’s hat, however, gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Gil Thorp, 12/14/07

No one is ever, ever allowed to make fun of the art in Gil Thorp again. Ever. What other strip would aim so high as to give us triple-Bill punching action? I particularly like the way that that the lead Valley Tech Vandal’s omnipresent hat is blasted off his head by Bill’s very first punch, symbolically emasculating him. It’s unclear whether he’s holding his face in panel three because he’s bleeding everywhere or because he’s ashamed of being beaten up by a dude with one leg.

Meanwhile, Cully’s sad face in panel three indicates that he’s getting no joy from this savage beatdown. Either his time in prison has shown him that the turn to violence is never any kind of victory, or he’s disappointed that he didn’t get to break these guys in half himself with his “wrestling moves.”

Curtis, 12/14/07

“Well, you were wearin’ shorts and flip-flops, I should say. I was wearing the same damn outfit I have on now, just like I do every other day of my life.”

Beetle Bailey, 12/14/07

Ha! It’s funny because the U.S. Army’s officer corps is mostly composed of desperate alcoholics!

Pluggers, 12/14/07

Pluggers know that a plastic sofa cover is a lot cheaper than fancy incontinence medication.

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Mark Trail, 12/13/07

Steve McQueen death hoax shocker!

Shocking evidence from north of the border indicates that movie legend Steve McQueen, universally thought to have died in Mexico in 1980 after receiving nontraditional treatment for his lung cancer, may have faked his death and moved to Canada to achieve his lifelong fantasy: to become a Mountie! “After being a racecar driver and an actor, if Steve could have done one thing, it would have been to join the RCMP,” former wife Ali MacGraw was quoted as saying in a 1986 interview. Now this photo, taken by an anonymous source in a rural Canadian town, confirms that McQueen has been living his dream for the last three decades:

At 77, Sergeant McQueen is the oldest active member of the RCMP.

Judge Parker, 12/13/07

Let’s ignore for the moment the Magical MacGuffin brownies that are only going to disappoint us. Judging by the rather blurry appearance of Sophie in the background, she’s gotten tired of the constant mockery of her lilac pantsuits. Presumably, after carefully studying information she found on the subject on the Internet and making a detailed list of the pros and cons, she decided that it was time for her to experience puberty.

Family Circus, 12/13/07

Or you could just try opening your mouth, Billy. That ought to work pretty well.

For Better Or For Worse, 12/13/07

YES! GIRLFIGHT! GIRLFIGHT! GIRLFIGHT FOR ANTHONY AND FRANCIE’S LOOOOOOOVE! MOST POINTLESS GIRLFIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF GIRLFIGHTS!

Gil Thorp, 12/13/07

Oh my gosh, “Slow down!” That’s even one step beyond “Ease up”! Surely some terribly carnage is about to commence.

Sally Forth, 12/13/07

Goodness, it’s nice to see Ted Forth feeling better. He’s high on life! And possibly meth.

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Crock, 12/12/07

Today’s Crock has plenty of little run-of-the-mill terrible touches — like, for instance, the word balloon in panel two, clearly drawn for three lines of text, but with only two lines of text actually floating in it. But I’m sort of intrigued by the random pink squiggles in the background of the first panel. I’d like to believe that they’re blood streaks on the wall from the last perky thin saleslady who tried to talk smack about Grossie, but it’s more likely that someone was trying to draw some clothing racks in the background to add a little detail to the scene and then suddenly realized that no, wait, this is Crock, what am I doing.

Luann, 12/12/07

I thought that for sheer irritation, nothing could beat the “Dirk and Brad compete for Toni’s affection via the Christmas food drive” storyline from a couple of years back, but now I can see that the “Brad and Toni sublimate their incomprehensible attraction via the Christmas food drive” is going to come close. Brad’s Neanderthal suggestion that a meeting isn’t a date unless he’s paying will presumably blow up in his face when he cruises to food-gathering victory (thanks to TJ coming through with a bunch of cans of Dinty Moore stew that “fell off the back of a truck”), leaving him to enjoy a meal of lobster (which he will adamantly insist is NOT A DATE) and loneliness.

Mark Trail, 12/12/07

Luke Wilson spotted canoodling with mystery woman!

Luke Wilson, star of such Hollywood pictures as The Royal Tenenbaums and Old School, has been seen around town with a mysterious dark-haired and arch-eyebrowed beauty. The picture below was snapped as they left the Ivy last month:

Now reports are coming in that this lady is married — or was, until her husband’s murder last month. Hollywood is abuzz with the notion that Luke, long known as the “not crazy Wilson brother”, might have something to do with the dastardly deed. Though a mustachioed French-Canadian hillbilly has been jailed for the crime, NOAA weather spokesman Mark Trail insists that the Quebecker is innocent. “You exploited a friend of mine’s fiery temper!” Trail was heard to shout at Wilson at a party at Chateau Marmont.

Family Circus, 12/12/07

I’m not sure what exactly those papers are that Big Daddy Keane is holding in his lap, but they look official, what with the seal on top and everything. Let’s hope they’re the forms for committing Jeffy to that special school far away so that nobody has to listen to his idiotic questions anymore.