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Mary Worth, 1/12/23

Are we all disappointed that Wilbur didn’t somehow make a spectacle of himself at Iris’s wedding? Yes, of course. But today we at least get a little consolation prize, which is learning that Wilbur made peace with Iris “in his heart,” which I take to mean that he did not make peace with her “in a conversation in which he apologized for his various misdeeds.” And why would he, since doing so would ruin the “bad boy reputation” that will draw Iris back to him once she and Zak inevitably break up!

You know, despite his occasional drunken implosion or jealous rage, Wilbur is actually a fairly cheerful and optimistic guy. Why wouldn’t he be, after all? He shouldn’t be alive, but he is! Everything after this point is just gravy!

Pluggers, 1/12/23

Ha ha, it’s funny because pluggers are in too much physical pain to perform even basic grooming tasks, because they’re old and decrepit!

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/11/23

Look, I get it, if you were in charge of a century-old comics property about hillbillies, you’d have the urge to add new stuff occasionally, which is why we get things like Spark Plug’s Grandson Li’l Sparky. But I refuse to believe that I’ve been reading strips about the tiny, insular hamlet of Hootin’ Holler for more than a decade at this point and this is the first I’ve heard about one of the main characters having a twin sister! Yeah, they have been playing tricks, Loweezy … playing tricks on me, the reader, by pretending they’ve both been living in this town all along! And I don’t appreciate it.

Mary Worth, 1/11/23

“Iris. You know, my friend, Iris? The one who got married here today? Looks like it’s time to ship you off to that facility I’ve already picked out; fortunately I tricked you into signing that power of attorney form a few months back.”

Six Chix, 1/11/23

The thing about puns is that the worse they are, the better they are, making them completely immune to criticism, and the thing about having a syndicated newspaper strip is that if you think of a bad pun, you can draw a cartoon of it and get paid. I’mnot saying I like today’s Six Chix, but I do have to respect it.

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Gil Thorp, 1/10/23

Sorry, kids! Gil has a new commitment to winning and he doesn’t have time for mere gossip like “checking in on each other’s well being” or “saying heartfelt farewells after decades of working together.” How long do you think Kaz was standing there on the sidelines waiting for Gil to give the signal for the kids to bring out the cake and start his good-bye party, or at least make eye contact with him? Instead, all he gets is his longtime boss solemnly reading his full name off of a cue card. We the readers don’t need to get too broken up, as I assume that Kaz will continue to pop up in Thorpian adventures in some capacity, unless that Coach Kaz, P.I. spinoff strip I’ve been trying to manifest for years is finally going to happen.

Gasoline Alley, 1/10/23

“Getting people interested in a story about Santa and his elves in mid January” is not a challenge I would’ve thought Gasoline Alley was capable of meeting, but I have to admit “Santa’s elves live in constant fear of arbitrary summary execution” has me intrigued!