It was really hard to pick this week’s top comments, as there were many, many funny contenders:
“That Sophie is one lucky girl! The bestest thing you can do for a 10-year-old global-warming nerd who says things like ‘the data speaks for itself!’ is to take her on a tour of a winery. Because when she grows up into a lonely geek with no one to talk to but her Al Gore DVDs, she’ll be glad to know which wines will keep her drunkest at night.” –BigTed
“My money is definitely on Tim not being dead, but somehow something more boring and devoid of dramatic possibility than dead.” –Emily
“This woman is either really bad at praying, or really good at praying and hates her husband-corpse.” –DropDeadGorgias
“I like that Spider-Man just walks around the house is his red unitard. He probably sleeps in it, too. That thing must have the B.O. of a thousand troubled nights.” –Tats
“I’m wondering when Dee’s going to start thinking hard about pulling a Kelpforth on the entire Maison de Patterson and taking it down to its smoldering, glowing embers. ‘Do you think your mom would mind if we removed all trace of her existence here for 30 years by immolation?'” –bats :[
“The more I read Pluggers, the more I suspect the title comes from attempting to ‘plug’ the hole inside them. Pluggers gorge themselves on suet and sugar because they feel empty inside. Pluggers love their trucks and their remote controls, because they feel betrayed by everything else. Pluggers lack the ability to really feel, so they yearn to feel anything, even pain.” –Edward
“Hilary is lying on her stomach, which means only one thing: Sally Forth never invested in an oral thermometer. No wonder Hilary looks queasy.”–McManx
“And what’s with [Drew’s] non-phone-holding hand? I mean, I know that the intention is for him to be cradling his slick-haired head and shielding it from the rock-hard pillow, but it looks more as if he’s cupping it over his ear (perhaps to drown out the deafening sound of his own ennui).” –Spiny Norman
“Nothing says ‘prepare for the sexing’ like Dr. Drew’s mom jeans.” –Andsheewas
“Funky Winkerbean: Yeah, the cancer thing is kind of a downer, but I think it’s important for kids to realize that life isn’t a bowl of cherries, but rather a series of disappointments that you’ve gotta overcome with the help of Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and Jesus Christ.” –Jamus the Bartender (channeling Dick Tracy’s crimestopper notebook)
“Now that the one-legged man has arrived, surely it won’t be long before the ass-kicking contest commences.” –KarenD
“The real joke in Crankshaft is that he knows his joke will be misunderstood. He’s intentionally telling a non-joke because he knows everyone has to pretend it’s funny — either because they want to respect their elders, or because they know he’s this close. The third panel would be him going, ‘Get it? Eh? Eh?’ as he jabs his elbow into a stranger’s ribs, hard.” –Plus a constant
“The flip side is the Family Circus, where your monstrous hydrocephalic children ambush you with little ‘Am I cute yet?’ moments. The only thing that makes FC tolerable is imagining that each day’s strip is followed by the parents screaming in horror, tying their children in a bag and throwing them in the river. But every night they wake to the slap slap slap of little wet feet as the kids file back in through the door, blank-eyed and expressionless.” –Old Bean
“It’s funny to me that most of you seem to be handling this Mary Worth story line so well, because I just find it unfathomably disgusting. Every day it runs another little piece of me dies. And really, what’s the appeal of it to Mary Worth’s target audience? Are they hoping that people who have been married 50 years and are going senile won’t remember what actual flirting is like?” –Christopher
“I think the writer of Mary Worth probably hasn’t been on a date in decades and, in an attempt to make the banter relevant to the kids these days, trawled a few internet dating sites to see how people described their interests, then copied it verbatim. If the dialogue continued, it would be some paraphrase of ‘I like to go out and have a good time, but I also like to curl up and watch a movie,’ thus covering the entire spectrum of social activity bookended between serial rapist and coma patient.” –PD
“Darin, having just gotten laid, sports the same expression he would have if he were diagnosed with testicular cancer. Actually, substitute ‘will’ for ‘would’ and ‘when’ for ‘if.'” –Artist formerly known as Ben
“Pluggers know nobody is ever going to see them naked again for the rest of their lives.” –Donald The Anarchist
“This meal in MW seems to be some kind of contest to use the most inappropriate flatware. Today Drew one-ups Dawn’s oyster fork by eating his creamed corn with a butter knife. Or maybe he’s actually about to eat a big hunk o’ butter with part of an Erector set. I’m not sure which.” –treedweller
