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Pluggers, 2/21/08

But … pluggers … are … dogs and cats … [head explodes]

OK, let’s pass over for the moment the obvious fact that the Pluggers staff have been “plugging” away at this hell-comic for so long that they’re completely blind to the fact that their characters are animal-headed beast-men and tackle the meat of the issue. The core assertion of today’s panel, stripped of its cutesy word-play, is that plugger neighborhoods are safe and idyllic and no crime ever happens there so the only wanted posters you’re likely to see are really “lost pet” flyers. Do people who live in peaceful, crime-free paradises like, um, Dallas believe that we decadent city dwellers festoon our our lightposts and mailboxes with wanted posters of actual criminals? Because I live in Baltimore, a town with
a bit of a crime problem, and I can tell you that the lightposts in our neighborhoods mostly sport … lost pet notices. And, admittedly, ads for yoga studios.

I may be completely misreading this, though. It’s possible that wanted posters in plugger neighborhoods have pictures of dogs and cats on them because pluggers are, in fact, dogs and cats.

Mary Worth, 2/21/08

Like most of Mary Worth, panel one of today’s strip is more enjoyable if you spend time thinking about the passive-aggressive subtext. “Yeah, dad, after, what, fifteen minutes spent actually helping people in country, you’ve spent a lot of weeks sitting on your ass in your minty green sweater trying to raise money — how’s that been going, huh? Oh, you found one generous sponsor? I’m sure those little kids with the deformed limbs are soooo happy about that.”

Like most of Mary Worth, panel two of today’s strip is more enjoyable if you spend time thinking about the perverse sexual subtext. “I’m most proud of the hand’s-on work I did there last year” [wink wink] … “I need to feel that” [wink wink; slip of paper with the addresses of several Hanoi brothels is exchanged].

Crankshaft, 2/21/08

“Yeah, I’ve got some problems keeping certain things sealed properly … when I’ve got some hot young plumber bent over in front of me … certain things like … my pants …” [funky bass-driven groove begins]

Just for the record, I’d be totally in favor of Crankshaft switching over to an all gay porn, all the time format. At least some of the characters would look happy once in a while.

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Gil Thorp, 2/20/08

Today new Gil Thorp artist Frank Bolle met his first real challenge. I’m not talking about panel one, in which three Lady Mudlark hoopers decide, in the apparent total absence of an opposing team, to play against one another; and I’m not talking about panel two, which depicts Lisa Wyche apparently being dropped from a great height directly onto her wrist. Those are just par for the course over at Gil Thorp headquarters. No, just as Eduardo Barreto’s trial by fire at Judge Parker came when he first grappled with Abbey Spencer’s sexy red mullet, so Bolle must eventually confront Gil’s epic flattop head-on. And … it’s a punt! It’s only your third day, so we’ll let it slide, Frank, but you can’t hide behind word balloons forever.

I’m not sure I approve of Gil’s new face — not angular enough, and a little too much like Robert Mitchum and/or Rock Hudson, as several commentors noted. I do, however, approve of Mimi buttoning up what appears to be one of Gil’s shirts, implying that we’ve just missed some red-hot Coach-Thorp-on-Coach-Thorp action. During which, apparently, they were talking about Lisa Wyche’s wrist injury. Obviously.

Marvin, 2/20/08

So, earlier this week we learned that Marvin’s mom is unable to continue her career as a romance novelist because caring for Marvin has left her unable to even imagine what passion and sexuality might be like. (By the way, did any of you know that Marvin’s mom was supposed to be a writer? I didn’t, and I’ve read the strip every damn day for the last two and a half years.) As a result, she’s given up on the romance genre and instead decided to churn out a series of pregnancy-themed sub-Foxworthyisms called “Belly Laffs.” In an act that profoundly blurs the line between narrative structure and narrative content, the Marvin strip itself will similarly follow her down the road towards an easy paycheck; in the first entry in the series, the strip boldly proclaims its intention to phone it in by showcasing not one but two panels consisting a pregnant woman from the neck down and nothing else.

By the way, anyone who’s see Marvin in action knows that Jenny drank while pregnant, and heavily.

Dennis the Menace, 2/20/08

I know it’s one of my jokes that Dennis isn’t very menacing these days, but at least once a week I goggle at his completely nonthreatening antics — he pushes “the best things in life are free” treacle! he offers seminars on Polynesian sociolinguistics! he launches public health campaigns! — and I think, “OK, that’s it. He absolutely, positively, can not get any less menacing than this.” Then, of course, came the Star Wars cosplay.

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Faithful reader lesles was getting concerned about the AJGLU 3000. Sure, it doesn’t have a torso or need for “clothes” as such, but as the Comics Curmudgeon store was online, it would know that it was being slighted when it came to merch! That’s why he rectified the situation with his brilliant design, which you can purchase over the Internet!

When you wear this shirt and wander by a Webcam, the AJGLU 3000’s transistors will be warmed by the love you show. As usual, if you want this logo on some garment that isn’t there yet, just e-mail me (though I don’t think it will work on dark shirts).

Also available! Dark versions of the lady cops and waitresses design! Buy them for your friends and family!