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Crock, 7/25/23

Say what you will about the newspaper comic strips, but each one is a rich world filled with details that even dedicated daily readers might go for years without discovering. For instance, did you know that Quench, the beloved (?) camel character in Crock, got his name because his thirst for sweet, soul-numbing alcohol can never be “quenched”?

Marvin, 7/25/23

How many times has this happened to you: You’re in the bathroom at a friend’s house, reading a book of Weird Trivia they keep on the back of the toilet, and you stumble upon a factoid and think “Ha, I can imagine how the syndicated newspaper comic strip character Marvin would react to this!” Well, if you’re on the Marvin creative team, you can easily use that little epiphany to meet your daily joke quota. (This is honestly the best case scenario for a Marvin strip inspired by time spent in a bathroom.)

Family Circus, 7/25/23

Loving everyone’s facial expressions here as they try, each in their own way, to deal with Jeffy’s bullshit. Look at Dolly, she’s having to go into some sort of centered deep breathing wellness exercise in order to not have a meltdown at him.

Dennis the Menace, 7/25/23

Dennis the Menace is obviously the much more menacing “child says darndest thing at a restaurant” panel today, in the sense that he seems to be going out of his way to solicit a wellness check from CPS.

Hi and Lois, 7/25/23

I find Hi’s expression in the second panel extremely wholesome here. He didn’t think it was possible for him to respect the troops any more — but thanks to his garbage man, he’s found a way!

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Dick Tracy, 7/24/23

I think, over the years that I’ve done this blog, that my brain has developed a protective layer that stops truly terrible (in a boring way, not a fun way) soap opera plots from taking root. I choose to believe that this, and not some kind of incipient dementia, is why I can not tell you a single thing about what is going on in Dick Tracy, despite diligently reading it every day. Who is Madsen? I mean, I know he’s this ska guy, but what is his relationship to Audie and Sabrina, exactly? What’s the deal with Anders? Is “Argos” a place or a person or Odysseus’s dog or what? I neither know the answer to any of these questions nor do I plan to go back through the Dick Tracy archives to discover them, but that won’t stop me from enjoying today’s strip, in which Audie spills his dang pills, then calmly and meticulously drops them back into the pill bottle.

Gil Thorp, 7/24/23

“What kind of town is Milford anyway?” you might rightfully ask. Well, it’s the kind of town where the craze for high school athletics completely dominates all local media, but it’s also the kind of town where a hardened teenage criminal in the middle of playing punishment football might say something like “Coach Thorp, it’s raining. Shall we adjourn?” It’s a rich tapestry and I respect that so much.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/24/23

I’m sorry, “didn’t mean to make a joke” is possibly the most unnecessary thing Rex Morgan has ever said. “If that came across as a joke, please know that I didn’t mean it, and I only did it accidentally because I have no idea what a joke is or how they work. I definitely don’t enjoy them and would never make one on purpose.”

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Mary Worth, 7/23/23

Oh, so I forget to tell you that when Greta was being held captive, she made friends with a fellow dog-prisoner, the one the cops were surprised wasn’t dead, and so I guess she was so depressed not because of her ordeal, but because she missed her pal. Fortunately Dr. Ed is the only vet in town, so everyone has to keep taking their pets there, despite his terrible yelp reviews, and now they’re reunited! Anyway, it’s funny because Mary and Saul have just been assuming that Greta was kidnapped by a dogfighting ring despite having no hard evidence, and since Holly is a known kidnapee, it seems like this is a vital clue into Greta’s experience, but probably nobody’s going to talk about it! They’re just going arrange a play date and everything will be fine. Remember, the past only exists by how your remember it!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/23/23

“Hmm, I quit surgery because it was annoying, but now that I’m realizing that it means less time spent with my wife, maybe I need to reconsider. The patients will be under general anesthesia when I interact with them, right? I won’t have to talk to them?”

Family Circus, 7/23/23

I’m sorry, I’m going to have go lie down for a bit while I process the fact that in today’s Family Circus a smiling old woman told a child that “A galaxy of pain awaits you, dear!” like she was in a fucking Hellraiser movie or something.