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Happy Sunday, everybody! It’s time for this week’s … comment of the week!

“Uh-oh, some man with facial hair thinks he can build a shopping mall somewhere near the Lost Forest again. I just hope his jaw insurance is all paid up.” –Trilobite

And the runners up also brought the funny:

“I’d have to say that eatin’ shitloads of greasy stuff is the most endearing Patterson family trait I’ve ever been privy to.” –Keg of Curd

“Shoe brings up an interesting point — namely, is jumping off a tree an effective method of suicide for a bird? What if that bird was morbidly obese and drunk?” –Electro

“That third panel is hysterical. Sam’s moving in for a relatively chaste peck on the cheek, and Mark is all tensed up with that wooden smile frozen on his face as though he’s thinking to himself, ‘Oh, no! The human female is preparing to initiate physical contact, which will only confuse and repulse me!'” –Paperback Rifler

“If the Shocker would only change his name to what he really is — the Golden Sausage Golem — he would get a lot more attention and respect. And maybe even a lucrative PR job at Hickory Farms.” –Squawk

“Dr. Drew continues to wrangle for every man’s dream: a threesome with a reserved and withdrawn workaholic with brother issues and a horse-crazy college student with a developmental age of 11. Godspeed.” –Nothing But Neck Scarves

“Hey everybody! Did you know the Shocker is a sex act? Oh yeah! It’s when Rex and June do it!” –Trotzenbonnie

“Josh can use Margo’s likeness on merch because Margo is ‘public domain.’ *rimshot*” –Red Greenback

“Next week: The Shocker sits around and draws pictures of himself standing with fists raised, captioned ‘The SHOCKER!’, while insistently humming ‘Something’s Coming’ from West Side Story.” –Old Man Muffaroo

“My first impression was that Elegant House Fine Dining had suspended some kind of huge lead ball outside their door, presumably to drop on customers who order hamburgers. (‘I do beg your pardon. We seem to have crushed your son beneath our conveniently located wrecking ball. If the large-headed young gentleman still desires his “ham burger”, he would be advised to take his custom next door to Shit Barn Food Trough.’) But it might be some sort of circular swinging blade. The artwork leaves this open to interpretation.” –Old Bean

“My name is Lisa — feel my pain!/ I’ll shortly die and moulder/ The Baron’s chip is in his brain/ I wear mine on my shoulder.” –Uncle Lumpy

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(I was planning to comment on the FOOBs today, but the image from gocomics.com was so ludicrously large that I thought it might cause blindness and dementia to those who looked upon it, so I’ll just say in passing BLARRRGGGH.)

Slylock Fox, 8/19/07

Pity poor Count Weirdly! It’s like a guy can’t even have a press conference atop his most scenic turret to promote his faked moon landing (like the so-called “real” ones weren’t!) without some nosey fox sticking his snout where it doesn’t belong and criticizing his Photoshop skills. If telling bald-faced lies at press conferences is illegal, I know a lot of more important venues where Slylock should be putting his patented brand of pedantic deduction to work. As it is, the only organization apparently gullible enough to accept the invitation to the Weirdly Moonshot announcement appears to be Agence France-Presse, as indicated by the reporter’s micro-miniskirt and the cameradog’s beret (and good luck getting any usable footage out of this nighttime press conference with absolutely no artificial lighting, Fideaux). In fact, this pair is probably more likely to be filming for the series Les Hommes Les Plus Étranges Au Monde than they are to be taken in by the idea of air-tight Chuck Taylors.

Mary Worth, 8/19/07

Man, that Dr. Drew is one smooth operator, isn’t he? One date’s worth of his bland, slick-backed handsomeness and Mary-style aphorisms and Vera is literally throwing herself at him! And of course we can see why Drew would be so eager to draw Vera into his web of love. “Ha .. ha .. I’ve decided to go out in public in shoes that I have no idea how to walk in! I belong in a sideshow like the circus freak that I am! AARRGH, I just fell over! Did I mention all the sexual tension with my brother?”

Apartment 3-G, 8/19/07

So I have to admit that when I joked about Alan being an addict and Jones the beatnik being his dealer, I didn’t actually think it was true. I guess I have a lot to learn about the soap opera comics’ willingness to obliquely take on tough themes! Alan’s commitment to sobriety ought to be obvious from his deeply square sartorial choices, as his white dress shirt/black vest combo would get him laughed out of any drug den in the five boroughs. Still, the years of chemical abuse of his brain have taken their toll; he’s undoubtedly spending this entire strip trying to keep his shit together despite the fact that events keep repeating themselves, and his and Eric’s hair keep swapping colors.

Crock, 8/19/07

And speaking of drugs … the combination of misplaced geography (Inca pottery in North Africa?) and garden-variety stupidity is all too typical for this feature, but the final panel pushes today’s Crock into the realm of peyote-addled nightmare. A little boy named Otis in the middle of the sun-blighted wasteland, chatting with a vulture who’s sporting a baseball cap? And where are they going to get the toilets, huh? Where are they going to get the toilets? Ye gods.

Dennis the Menace, 8/19/07

There is no reason why Dennis shouldn’t have unloaded that ball directly into Henry’s nuts in the third-to-last panel. None. They even set it up with the whole “waist high” thing. Still, this’ll keep dad from attempting to spend any quality time with his kid for the rest of both of their lives, leaving Dennis with more time to get into extremely low-level unsupervised hijinks.

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Family Circus, 8/18/07

There’s something I find really unsettling about the huge, featureless expanse that is the front of “Elegant House”. There are no windows, just hundreds of square feet of unbroken whiteness, with a tiny door guarded by someone in uniform. Either its some kind of demon-haunted hellmouth, where hungry patrons are lured into a horrifying netherworld, or it’s a front for a secret CIA torture facility. Either way, I really hope the Keanes stop by for dinner, obviously.

Herb and Jamaal, 8/18/07

“And by ‘old adage’, I clearly mean ‘rambling bit of blather I made up to stretch over three panels worth of thought balloons.'”

Today’s strip pretty much solves the debate over Rev. Croom’s denominational affiliation. Obviously he’s part of the Anglican Communion, which requires its clerics to use Commonwealth English grammatical constructions such as “in hospital,” “at university,” and “in ministry.”

They’ll Do It Every Time, 8/18/07

Congrats to faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader Dean Booth, who got a sweater vest and an “urge” in his very own TDIET! Perhaps Dean can explain just what the motion line or planetary ring or whatever it is wrapping from around his shoulder all the way to the front Annoyia’s chest is supposed to represent. I’m fairly disturbed by the fact that little junior is grinning as the Dean stand-in clenches his fist and steam begins to rise from beneath his collar. Apparently there’s nothing he enjoys watching more than a little domestic dispute! Homeside fun and games, indeed.