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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/19/22

We’ve all wondered about the circumstances of the elaborate gift-giving sequence in “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” and especially about its emphasis on birds. Well, what if the gift giver actually stole those birds, for his hungry true love to eat? Really makes you think, doesn’t it?

Dennis the Menace, 12/19/22

I can’t decide which kind “Italian accent” is funnier here: “Eyyyy, I got my eyes on you, kid, so don’t screw up, capisce? Badda boom badda bing” or “MAMA MIA! THE IMMIGRANTS, WE-A TAKING YOUR MALL SANTA JOBS!”

Mary Worth, 12/19/22

Sorry, I know the bolding in Mary’s word balloon is supposed make her sound surprised, but look at her face. She is absolutely saying “Wow, what are the odds of that” in a complete monotone. Sorry, Iris, did you hear that Wilbur fell off a boat and survived but let everyone think he was dead for a week because he loves drama? Your “boo hoo, I’m just as beautiful as my rich hunky himbo fiance’s beautiful baby sitter” story is not cutting it. You have to up your damn game!

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Marvin, 12/18/22

OK, today’s Marvin is dumb and bad and revolves around a terrible “women be shopping!!!!” premise, but I still found it very funny, mostly because of the fact that Jeff has brought in a big stack of cash as a visual aid for his “no gifts” pitch. Not sure if he genuinely thought this would help drive the point home and it terribly backfired or if he just doesn’t trust the banking system and all the family’s assets are in piles of bills around the house, but either way, I love it, and I love how Jenny demonstrates one of the major downsides of physical currency in the next to last panel.

Dennis the Menace, 12/18/22

I feel bad for Margaret, who probably has a lot of intelligent things to say about a healthy diet but who has been reduced to a voiceless prop in Dennis’s eternal war with his mother. She deserves better! Like, today she deserves better, but also all other days. Maybe I’m just a resentful redhead who’s been called “carrot top” one too many times but I feel strongly about this.

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Blondie, 12/17/22

I spent a probably embarrassing amount of time staring at this thinking “Which of the third-tier Blondie characters is this dressed up as Santa at the bowling alley with Dagwood and Herb? Is it one of the carpool guys, or maybe the barber?” before I realized that … it’s supposed to actually be Santa, I think? Santa is real, within the Blondie universe? He’s real and he goes bowling with random suburbanites, just days before Christmas, in what should be his workshop’s busiest time of year?

Pluggers, 12/17/22

I guess that’s better than the Pluggers universe, where Santa is also real — a real freakish man-animal of some kind, that is, and he also treats body positivity as a weird series of contests.

Gasoline Alley, 12/17/22

Gertie, “Who’s On First” hit the peak of its popularity in the 1940s! I’m pretty sure you’re too young to know about it.