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Mark Trail, 3/28/07

OK, yesterday’s zany talking rug was obviously just the lead-in to the full-on peyote-drenched nightmare that is … this. Sometimes people say things in the comments before I read a strip and I think, “Oh, they’re exaggerating” but … that potato in the first panel is talking. It. Is. Talking. It … JESUS AND SHE’S GOING TO PUT A KNIFE RIGHT THROUGH IT! Panel two is obviously a “world as perceived by Cherry’s drug-addled mind” view: the reason her skull is so unnaturally bulbous is because it’s full of people who talk and argue without her opening her mouth; the look of sheer panic and disgust on her face indicates that she’s ready to crack her own head open just to MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP FOR GOD’S SAKE MAKE IT STOP. The rather pedestrian scene of a giant bear ratiocinating in the final panel is prosaic and calming by comparison to the horror that came before.

Judge Parker, 3/28/07

Comprende? Comprende? OK, seriously, now they’re just fucking with us. Someone has ordered the dialogue in Judge Parker to be translated into “foreign.”

They’ll Do It Every Time, 3/28/07

NOTE TO ALL PERSONS NOT LIVING IN YEARS PREVIOUS TO 1965: When your spouse or partner says, “I’m so sick of doing chore X,” the correct answer is, “I’ll do chore X tonight.” OH YEAH!

I can particularly see why Catastra might be so tired of doing dishes, since it seems that this family of three has managed to dirty dozens of them in the course of a single meal.

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Funky Winkerbean, 3/27/07

Man, just when I thought Funky Winkerbean couldn’t dip any further into emotional turmoil and human anguish, I think we’re about to see Coach Dude Whose Name I Forget ask his childhood bullying victim to inseminate his wife. Which will be more awesome, this or the FBOFW teen sex storyline? Only queasy, uncomfortable time will tell!

Mark Trail, 3/27/07

As a long-time fan of Mark Trail, I totally accept things like giant talking skunks without a bit of hesitation. But I’m having trouble with the giant talking rug in the third panel here. Which appears to be on the wall for some reason. Or is it perched on Mark’s shoulder? Or are Mark and Cherry actually standing on the wall, their bodies held parallel to the ground by some strange force, like Lionel Richie in the damn “Dancing on the Ceiling” video? Is that what’s going on here?

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OK, so our dread sovereign, the Galactic Overlord Chennux, has been holding the King Features comics on the Chron hostage all day, so Tuesday’s comics will have to wait until tomorrow, because I have to jet out shortly for a SECRET ENGAGEMENT that I will be authorized to tell you about at a later date. But here’s a few items to tide you over:

First, MARGO! BOXCAR! SATURN shirts and mugs are here, courtesy of faithful reader and all around awesome dude willethompson!

As an experiment, we’re selling these shirts not through CafePress, but through … well, through willethompson himself. The quality should be higher, but we will need a minimum order to get things rolling; if we don’t get 24 pre-orders by April 1, we’ll just go the CafePress route. So, put your money where your mouth is, people! Head over to wille’s site for the details.

Second! You all remember the glory and pageantry that was the Finger Quotin’ Margo lookalike contest! Ever since, I’ve wondered, “What image in the comics is so iconic, so awesome, that people will be willing to humiliate themselves publicly to reproduce it?” Last week, I found the answer:

That’s right — it’s the Self-Clubbing Tyler lookalike contest! e-mail me a picture of you or a unsuspecting friend attempting to reproduce this glorious panel and YOU could end up featured on a classy mug or other item to be determined later! Now, I’m not saying that you’ll get extra bonus points for actually drawing blood or popping your shoulder out of its socket, but strict realism is encouraged.

And thirdly! One of my many minions recently met a nice fan of this site who draws his own comic, The Jackass and the Jew. The author is the Jew (except he isn’t, really) and the Jackass is his coworker, and … well, just read it, really, it’s funny.