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Yes, it’s Sunday evening, and you know what that means: Comments of the week! Let’s start with one that I found particularly giggle-worthy:

[Re: Mary Worth]: “Wouldn’t armchair activism be too arduous? How about just raising money for armchair activism?” –MossMoses

And the almost-as-hilariouses:

“Now, see, Dan’s up to something. I know this, because earlier he said, ‘I’m up to something,’ or something like that. I forget the exact line.” –Bunnë

“Mary Worth came in dead last in the Post-Gazette readers’ poll? Wow, that makes you think, huh! Specifically, what it makes you think is that the Post-Gazette must not run Cathy.” –Fred P.

“Neddy’s beret morphs around on her head like Curtis’ backwards baseball cap. One minute it looks like a beret, the next like something Sam Jackson wears at awards shows to be cool, the next she’s like some little drugged-out Keebler elf.” –bootsybooks

“Oh, TJ. Your eyes say ‘marijuana,’ but your violence against drywall says ‘three-day coke binge with more Red Bull than regrets.'” –Lettuce

“In the few months that I have been reading Slylock Fox regularly, I come across at least one pattern so far. Cats = bad. Cat whores = devious and bad.” –Forthillrox

“Spider-Man’s final panel may be the introduction of the strip’s next storyline, ‘The Rise of the Channel Surfer,’ in which Spidey must do battle with a super-villainess who instinctively knows what is showing on every channel at all times. The battle will be intense because, after all, Spider-Man DOESN’T know what is on every channel at all times! Who will prevail? (SPOILER ALERT: Spider-Man will prevail, probably accidentally.)” –Wonkey the Monkey

“In the final panel of today’s strip, we can see the learned survival instincts of the Margo-dating male; having enraged the female with shocking news that serves only to annoy the Margo, he takes to feigning death in hopes that the predatory Margo will find him unappetizing. Notice how the Margo, curious, uncertain, and a bit agitated, pokes and prods the now-motionless male, hoping to provoke a sign of life; all the while, the male wobbles in place like a dime-store mannequin.” –spoonman

“This Spider-Man strip has filled me with suspense and anticipation! Okay, I’m over it now.” –Dave V.

“That can’t be a plugger bathroom. The lid on the seat is down.” –Trotzenbonnie

“When I think ‘plugger,’ ‘toilet,’ and ‘plumbing,’ I also think ‘plunger.’ Extremely unwillingly.” –Poteet

“I kinda like April’s ‘coat’. Which is quite clearly nothing of the sort.” –Christopher

“Given Mr. Wilson’s raised fist, I can’t help but wonder if every Dennis the Menace strip is followed by director’s cut style child abuse. Maybe that’s why he gets progressively less menacing.” –zqfmgb

“The more of [Mary Worth] I read, the more I’m becoming convinced that the entire strip is a monologue by Mary’s ego. If anyone else happens to speak, the sound of her own awesomeness usually drowns them out.” –Jen

“I’m pretty sure Jeremy hasn’t purchased a CD in three years. And he probably copied all his old CDs to his computer or iPod and sold them to buy Sara something stupid, because boys in love are complete retards with bad tastes in music, so expect his Good Charlotte collection to go towards that gaudy butterfly pin Sara’s tolerating on her sweater even as we speak.” –Plinko Commie

And, if it’s Sunday, it’s thank-the-sponsors time:

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Mark Trail, 3/11/07

Holy smokes, this is one of the bestest “Mark Trail Teaches You About Nature And Crap” Sunday Mark Trails ever! None of the usual “Aren’t animals interesting/endangered/cute” nonsense today; instead, we get a crazed gang of killer elephants, harassing a pair of fleeing stereotypically garbed natives, flinging some red-shirted white dude across the savannah, and molesting a field of innocent sweet potatoes like so many 15,000-pound gophers. Mark himself, who usually strolls fearlessly into the frame to narrate as his chosen beast of the week menaces the nameless extras who are clearly desperate to break into the comics, has wisely chosen to stay safely off-camera when it comes to the tusked menace that is the elephant.

I’m guessing that the strong elephantaphobic slant of today’s strip was made possible from a large check from the International Federation of Ivory Harvesting Professionals.

For Better Or For Worse, 3/11/07

Yes, the whole point of this overcontrived family drama was to make John think that his wife was shaving her nether parts in front of several of her children; and yes, it’s both horrifying and kind of shamefully funny. I mostly want to point the second panel, which would make an excellent LiveJournal icon to sit atop the phrase “Mood: Suicidal”.

The Phantom, 3/11/07

I haven’t been covering the current Sunday Phantom storyline at all, because it’s pretty dull; it has centered some kind of weird temporal anomaly that has allowed the Ghost-Who-Violates-The-Laws-Of-Physics to interact with a group of gangsters from the ’30s who have been trying to stop a thinly veiled Amelia Earhart stand-in from making an historic flight of some sort. I’m kind of intrigued by the last panel, in which the very married Big Purple Guy allows the comely aviatrix to rest a hand on his enormous left pectoral muscle; I guess his logic is, “Hey, it’s 1937, I’m not going to be married for about 50 years, so anything goes!”

(UPDATE: Thanks to several commentors who pointed out to me that “Beryl Markham” is not actually some made-up character meant to avoid a lawsuit from Amelia Earhart’s estate, but a real person who actually lived in East Africa. I never should have doubted this, as the Phantom’s devotion to authenticity is notorious. Also, time travel is real.)

Curtis, 3/11/07

I could point out that Gunk’s “balloons” look remarkably like condoms, or that while “FOOO!” is a legitimate onomatopoeia, “TWIST!”, “BEND!”, and “SHAPE!” are not. My main concern, however, is that Gunk has used his devilish Flyspeck Island powers to create living beings out of inanimate matter, only to force them to end their short lives in a mercy killing and suicide. The face-flop is a usual exaggerated Curtis response to a joke, but here I hope that our protagonist is weeping openly at the sadistic little performance he was just forced to watch.

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Beetle Bailey, 3/10/07

I think the Beetle Bailey installments that put the Halftracks’ soul-crushing sham of a marriage under a microscope are quickly becoming my least favorites (and yes, I’m as surprised as anyone to find that my hitherto blanket distaste towards this strip has become granular enough for me to start having “least favorites”). Anyway, this strip gets extra non-bonus points for contrasting the General’s for once seemingly genuine concern about his wife’s health with Mrs. Halftrack’s bitter “punchline” about her husband’s very serious drinking problem.

She’s one to talk, though, as she’s already holding his bottle of discount hooch before he even gives her the opening for her cutting remark. Presumably she needs to get liquored up before she can emotionally handle having “relations” with her incompetent husband, who openly holds her in contempt.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/10/07

OK, Abbey bringing down Elvis was funny, but Abbey holding the police at bay is ludicrous, and, more importantly, June’s smugness about it is just disturbing. Niki’s straight off the streets, so you know he likes to see the po-po humbled, but June ought to be putting up at least a pretense of respecting the authority of law enforcement. Rex looks fairly dubious in panel one, but as usual has decided that not doing or saying anything is the best way out of any situation.

(Many commentors have suggested that this “police officer” is a phony, part of some larger double game being played by Elvis, Eight-Ball, and their meth-dealing associates. I suppose it’s possible, but I’m not sure if Rex Morgan really has that advanced a twist built in to it, and wouldn’t a hardened criminal be even less afraid of a French Brittany than a cop?)

Crankshaft, 3/10/07

I hate revisiting this “alpha mom” storyline as much as you do, but I do think it’s worth noting that the Crankshaft’s school district uses the Alamo as its bus depot. And has painted it pink.