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They’ll Do It Every Time, 9/9/06

Wow, check out the lower panel here: Ol’ Foghorn looks like he’s about ready to slap his wife around for suggesting a little home improvement. The way terrified little Foghorn Junior is clinging to his mom implies that he knows what’s coming and that this isn’t the first time dad has turned nasty. Presumably Foghorn Pater’s literally violent aversion to any change in his domestic scene explains the William McKinley-era aesthetic sensibility on display in the Foghorn household. The other attendees at the town meeting may feel that Fred (oh, I’m sorry, that’s “Ferd”) dominates civic discussion with his high-minded blather, but he clearly dominates his family in a much, much uglier way.

Apartment 3-G, 9/9/06

AAARGGH! DISCUSSION OF YOUR MARRIAGE COUNSELING SESSIONS: NOT SEXY! NOT GOING TO GET YOU LAID! ABORT, TED, ABORT!

If you’re a marriage counselor, I’ve got to imagine that the moment when one of your clients throws her infidelity in the face of her husband has got to be kind of a professional low point.

Beetle Bailey, 9/9/06

Ha ha! It’s funny because Sarge beat Beetle so savagely that many of his bones were shattered, leaving him hospitalized and in traction for months! He’ll be lucky if he ever walks again! Ha ha!

Seriously, Beetle Bailey is really fucked up.

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There’s been some grumbling this week about the turn towards the talky that Aldomania has taken. Some of you have even gone so far as to say that the Aldo storyline is no longer awesome! Blasphemy, I say. This little intervention is just a breather. I believe that we will get the shocking denouement that we were promised! I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF ALDOMANIA!

You know who else believes? Faithful reader mon-ma-tron! She designed the fabulous Aldomania t-shirt, and I realize now looking back through my old posts that I never properly credited her (she posted a link to the design and offered it up for t-shirtization in the comments, but I know not everybody reads all the comments). Anyway, she is, it goes without saying, TOTALLY AWESOME, and here she shows off her t-shirt design prowess loudly and proudly, no doubt to a crowd of baffled onlookers.

The lovely and talented mon-ma-tron is sporting the junior raglan, but baby doll ts, baseball jerseys, and ringer ts graced with her fab designs are also available. And of course, there’s a whole bunch of other crap there as well.

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Funky Winkerbean, 9/8/06

Is Funky Winkerbean where joy goes to die? It’s not enough to have Mopey McMopester slouching around and complaining because his best friend is finally getting some; apparently, his face needs to be drawn to make it look like he’s been crying more or less constantly for the past three days. My prediction is that our jilted nerd will eventually get together with this gothy Asian chick; but, by the time they get around to doing glum, black-clad things to one another, the other kid and the cheerleader will have broken up. Either that, or Chien and Jessica have some longstanding beef that will sunder this friendship for good. Because nobody can be happy in Funky Winkerbean, ever.

Luann, 9/8/06

Meanwhile, there are changes afoot at a much happier high school, as Gunther and Luann do a half-assed thought-balloon version of the classic dialogue from Double Indemnity. I wonder if what Luann is wondering is, “Jesus, how is it possible for Gunther to have tiny, beady little pupils and no eyeballs to speak of? And what’s the deal with the huge expanse of skin between his eyes and his eyebrows?” That’s what I’m wondering, anyway.

Pluggers, 9/8/06

Q. How many pluggers does it take to reinforce traditional gender roles?

A. All of them.

This strip, which is apparently so retrograde that it the Chief Plugger got tired of waiting for someone to submit it and just whipped it up himself, poses an interesting philosophical question: Is there such a thing as a female plugger? Or is Pluggerdom an all-male brotherhood, with the best that anyone without external genitalia can hope for being the lesser but still honorable title of “plugger’s wife”? While this cartoon seems to imply the latter, remember that the Fox-Woman (or is she a kangaroo? or some kind of dog?) has already been established to have a job that involves wearing a suit, which complicates matters: maybe there are she-pluggers, but this woman is only a plugger-in-law. She’s clearly acclimating real nice, though. Wouldn’t want those soft, feminine hands, good for cleaning dishes and spanking li’l pluggers, all calloused up by rough, strenuous man’s work like changing the light bulbs. Hope you’re don’t mind sitting in the dark till your husband gets back from the pawn shop, lady.

Mary Worth, 9/8/06

You know you’re in trouble when the Woody Allen defense suddenly seems like a good idea.