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My little friend is not so little anymore, Toby! In fact, she's quite large! Enormous, in fact! Nine foot six and getting taller by the day! It's actually quite alarming! We're getting into I'm a Virgo territory here! Did you watch that miniseries, by the way? It was on Amazon Prime a couple of years ago! Jharrel Jerome is a treasure! Some great performances by Elijah Wood and Walton Goggins as well, which reminds me that I need to start my Justified rewatch. Oh, Margo Martindale is another treasure, especially as a voice in BoJack Horseman. Anyway, Olive is a giant, is the point I'm trying to make.

—els
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I’m beginning to suspect that a spider actually can’t do that much

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Spider-Man, 4/21/06

Peter Parker’s crack about “real news” sparked an epiphany in my fevered brain. You know what would be awesome? Since clearly crime-fighting has gone out the window in this strip, Spidey should use his wall-crawling powers to become the world’s greatest paparazzo. He could kiss the Daily Bugle goodbye and make the big bucks sending photos of Paris Hilton, Tara Reid, Lindsay Lohan, and other typical celebutants to Us and InStyle and the like. Maybe he would journey to Namibia to see Brad and Angelina’s new baby, or tussle with Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson. “This Parker always gets the best pictures!” his glamorous new non-Hitler-lookalike editors would say (“though they’re always at such odd angles,” they would add). Peter would be earning as much as his wife, and then we’d have a whole story arc about the morality of his new way of earning a living. “They chose a career in the public eye … they’re asking for it!” Peter would say. “But Peter … I’ve chosen that life too!” Mary Jane would retort. Eventually, he’d be assigned to take pictures of his own wife, and they he’d have some hard choices to make.

You know what wouldn’t be awesome? Eight more weeks of Peter sitting in front of the TV and bitching. But I suspect that’s what we’re gonna get.

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You make the call!

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Drabble, 4/20/06

  1. That thing in Mamma Drabble’s hand is supposed to be a branch! Get it? B…ranch … they misheard it … you see …

  2. Incomprehensibility, derangement, madness.

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Three things that aren’t funny (one on purpose)

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B.C., 4/19/06

See, here’s the thing: “an eclipse of the sun” and “night”: not the same thing. Having long waged war on biology, B.C. has apparently decided to move on to astronomy next.

Hey, look at what’s-his-name’s face in the second panel! He hates this just as much as we do.

Gil Thorp, 4/19/06

Wow, Gil looks pretty pissed off in panel three. I think his motivation for this little heart-to-heart with the Rap Dog is less “Here’s a kid who could really benefit from a college education — if only he’d get motivated!” and more “God damn it, I thought I was finally going to be rid of him — if this hump is still hanging around this town next year, I will have to kill him.”

The Middletons, 4/19/06

Ha ha, it’s funny because his mother wants to harvest his organs! Wait, did I say “funny”? I meant “horrifying.”