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Does it take a man to analyze the gender politics of the funny pages? Maybe it would be more accurate to say that only a man — a cranky, obsessive, underemployed man — would bother. This weekend, Gil Thorp made the political personal (or is it the other way around?), while Mary Worth subtly buttressed the patriarchy.

Gil Thorp, 8/5-6/05

You know, I wondered earlier what those kookie Gil Thorp kids would get up to with no high school sports to distract them. Well, the strip’s A-plot, involving the buying and selling of promising athletes like so much cattle, is par for the course. But I don’t think any of us expected freakishly square-headed Von to be cheerily taunting his thirty-year-old not-girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend/stalker come early August. You can tell the villain aims only to persecute his ex because, while her cart is full of flat cardboard boxes, his is empty — so what else could he be doing at the supermarket? Our pushbroom-mustached copper in the middle panel of the second strip, with his aviator glasses and jaunty grin, serves to show how broken the system is when it comes to protecting women from stalking threats. And our Mrs. Robinson-esque heroine, who goes from anger (strip one, panel one) to near-panic (strip one, panel two) to withering contempt (strip one, panel three) to, um, poorly drawn blankness (strip two, panel one) clearly illustrates the roller-coaster ride that is the life of the stalkee.

Seriously, though, there’s all sorts of intriguing questions on how this one will play out. Will the thuggish, hairy-armed stalker manage to do violence to our star-crossed non-lovers? This being Gil Thorp, where off-the-field action tends to be fairly low stakes, I kind of doubt it. Hopefully Officer Delaney Bebow will step in and start taking these threats seriously. Still, kudos to Gil Thorp for at least taking this issue seriously.

If we can not take this issue seriously for a moment, though, I think we need to pause for a moment and ask: Just what did Gary spray-paint on that window? The only naughty word I can think of that ends with “le” refers to the human body’s more important and yet unpleasant orifices, but the only way I can think of that the name of said orifice might reasonably be misspelled would involve switching the “l” and the “e” around. Unless he had too many “s”s? Or not enough of them? The mind boggles. It’s too bad it’s a “word,” and not a phrase, because it might be amusing to imagine that it was something like I WIL STUF MY FIST DOWN YER BOYFREINDS PIE HOLE.

Mary Worth, 8/7-8/05

Meanwhile, here’s Mary Worth’s advice to women in trouble: no matter how bad your situation, no matter how badly your husband or your parents beat you, no matter how intolerable your life behind the graciously weathered walls of your suburban condo may be, for God’s sake, don’t go to the Women’s Shelter! Mary seems to be under the impression that a women’s shelter is meant to shelter us from the thieving, violent, criminal women who no doubt use it as their lair. Like Dante, Mary passes through the gates of her everyday life to descend into the brutal slum that is “downtown,” where, in rapid succession, she comes face to face with:

  • A beatnik
  • A jaundiced man with a tattoo
  • A muscle-bound man wearing a powder-blue tank top, possibly homosexual
  • Slightly cracked plaster
  • Garbage protruding from the top of a trash can

Apparently Mary believes that a merciful death, drunk and face-down in Charterstone’s beautifully landscaped pool, would be preferable to this degradation.

On the other hand, in today’s strip, residents of the Women’s Shelter seem engaged in nonspecific, but definitely non-robbery-and-violence-related behavior. Maybe it’s Mary who’s going to learn a Valuable Lesson this time around — and she’ll find out who the real sheltered woman is.

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Momma, 8/3-4/05

If you’re wondering why I didn’t post yesterday, it’s because I’ve spent the last 48 hours trying to wrap my head around the fact that Wednesday’s Momma made me laugh aloud in what most experts believe was the first incident of its kind to date. I mean, it’s not earth-shatteringly amusing or anything, and it continues the strip’s baffling trend of setting the action at the beach for no discernible reason (though the seaside scene is much better drawn this time around), but I like Francis’s casual attitude towards his own sister-comforting incompetence.

The intricate network of assumptions and prejudices that make up my worldview was however strengthened by today’s Momma, which makes no sense and isn’t funny. I do kind of like the single wave of what I presume to be panic radiating out from Francis’s nose in panel three, but everything else about the strip (What the hell is a “Mothers Club,” anyway? And are we supposed to think that Momma considers 22-year-old Francis an “older child”? And what possible interest does she have in laxatives for him? And are we expected to find the “punchline” funny solely because it evokes the image of Francis crapping uncontrollably?) blows. In fact, the strip is so extremely not funny that it has retroactively quashed most of my goodwill towards the previous installment, leaving me disgruntled about Mary Lou’s wildly spewing tear ducts (is she crying so vigorously that tears are actually coming out of her chin and the top of her head?) and, of course, Francis’s tiny buy still unfortunately visible nipples.

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Mark Trail, 8/2/05

What’s that you say? You’ve been waiting in vain for weeks — nay, months — for another exciting installment of What They Say And What They Mean? Well, wait no longer!

What he says What he means
El Presidente “I’m surprised at Lynn, I didn’t think she would enjoy the outdoors…” I enjoy forcing my underlings and their loved ones to do things they hate in order to prove how much power I have over them. It’s like the time I made my secretary get a tattoo!
El Presidente “She seems to have adjusted well!” I shall have to try harder to break her will. Upon return to civilization, she’ll be joining a naked roller-derby league for my amusement … unless you’ve decided you don’t want a future at my company, of course.
El Presidente “She’s the type of wife I like my executives to have!” Whiny, murderous, social climbing, and cravat-wearing! Oh, and someone told me once that straight women, gay men, and single people can make good executives too. Isn’t that a hoot?
Scott “Thanks … she’s a good woman … I think I’ll turn in!” You know, I was feeling bad about my wife’s plan to kill you. Now I’m more than happy to help out, you loathsome dinosaur. Ever been garroted by a cravat before?

Yes, that’s our patented feature … What They Say And What They Mean! Sometimes it’s even funny!

Incidentally, hasn’t the sky in Mark Trail been a particularly trippy shade of ultra-bright blue lately? Even in strips like this, which ostensibly take place at night? The fact that everyone’s skin is chalk-white makes for extra psychadeliosity. Maybe the mega-amphibian in panel two is meant to stand in for the uncompromising toad-licking that the censors wouldn’t let Jack Elrod show.