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Mary Worth, 3/5/23

Ah, it looks like Estelle is finally coming to the conclusion that it’s not that she has bad taste in men, exactly, it’s just that she can’t afford to make any one man her be-all and end-all. Looks like she’s going to explore ethical non-monogamy and rely on each of her suitors for what they do best: Ed, when she wants to be with someone who’s handsome and charismatic and a good kisser; Wilbur, when she wants someone who’s available at all times because he doesn’t have much of a social life or even a real job; and Arthur, for … phone sex? As a skilled romance-scam artist targeting the elderly over the phone, Arthur was good as phone sex, probably?

Gasoline Alley, 3/5/23

As America’s last living veteran of World War I, Walt could probably give Gertie a pretty good explanation of what hyperinflation is like, since he was actually around for the last serious bout of it in the Western world. Unfortunately, Gertie made the mistake of saying “shell shock” in the final panel, so she’s going to be dealing with his PTSD all afternoon instead.

Marvin, 3/5/23

What would Jeff’s prize have been if he had won this staring contest? That Bitsy would agree to pee in the house? I know the Millers are trapped in a unending hell of poop and piss, but I’m beginning to suspect it might be at least a little their fault.

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Crock, 3/4/23

Hmm, looks like Maggot has bailed on his marital counseling session and now it’s just Grossie pouring her heart out to some dude in a cave. Anyway, do you think when you’re writing a strip like today’s, you pause a moment and think “Wow, I really named a guy ‘Maggot,’ which is also a thing that in some cultures people actually eat, sometimes dipped in chocolate?” Or are you just very, very invested at this point in the idea that “Maggot” is literally a name that a person could have?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/4/23

Speaking of which, to what extent do the writers of Barney Google and Snuffy Smith think of themselves as writing an ongoing satire of poor people living in Appalachia and/or the Ozarks? Or have they mostly forgotten it and are just working with long-memorized character designs and orthographic conventions? Because in the former case today’s strip has the vibe of “Ha ha, I’m really sticking it to these hillbilly moochers” whereas in the latter case it seems like the much gentler and frankly accurate “Ha ha, people want government services but don’t want to pay the taxes that fund them, amiright people????”

Six Chix, 3/4/23

“I also carry them around with me, which forced me to eventually stop reading altogether. Books are very heavy!”

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Folks!!!! Are YOU going to be in or near Los Angeles on March 10? Do YOU want to hear Josie Riesman, author of the upcoming Vince McMahon book Ringmaster, talk about the early days of Wrestling Internet, plus hear some good cyber jokes from me and other comics? Well come on down to the Clubhouse in Los Feliz for the Internet Read Aloud!

Here is the Facebook event! Don’t miss it!

And don’t miss your comment of the week, either! It’s right here.

“That explains why, in spite of having laptops, the office hasn’t gone paperless, in response to a question none of us ever thought to ask and that, in retrospect, none of us wanted answered.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

Your runners up? You’d better BELIEVE they’re right here:

“I may not be most folks’ definition of a ‘good catch’, but check this out: I can pat my chest and move my hand in a circle at the same time! Pretty neat, huh?” –pugfuggly

“Dennis just walking into an elderly couple’s house pretty much ensures he’s going to find a corpse or two some day, and finally the menace shall be menaced by memories of bloated, dead faces.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Apricots have been cultivated in central Asia for thousands of years. They reached the Roman Empire about two thousand years ago, and from there were likely spread across their realm, probably even as far as Britain. So is it believable that these presumably English peasants would have access to them to throw at their local petty king? Certainly! However, the history books are suspiciously silent on the global distribution of Timberland boots in the Dark Ages.” –jroggs

“Jeffy is walking a thin line banging that drum around Bil who has long since lost the remote to his hybrid CRT/flatscreen TV and can no longer raise the volume above a whisper while he watches [checks Monday morning tv listings] Pictionary.” –Hibbelton

“I guess you could interpret it as him sitting too close to the TV. More plausibly, the recliner also doubles as a toilet.” –Gary

“‘Our son isn’t sleep deprived, he sleeps constantly.’ No red flags there.” –Lepus Marj, on Twitter

“Dennis the Menace and Family Circus are strips stuck in the oppressive norms of the 1950s, where any amount of falling short of domestic bliss is a deep shame. Both strips are like very bland dystopias, like the Hallmark Channel version of The Handmaid’s Tale.” –Philip

“As an attorney, Dustin’s father knows full well it’s not a HIPAA violation to disclose his son’s narcolepsy diagnosis for his own grim amusement.” –Voshkod

“Boy, I’ll say it’s an emergency! If Dr. Ed doesn’t get over there fast, all those other dogs are going to eat that little dog, and/or the kid that’s holding it.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge

“So, the Perfesser isn’t napping, as he appears. He’s actually purring in ecstasy in the afterglow of a satisfying dump. Just when I think I’m out, they pull my right back in.” –Lawyerbob

“Not for the first time, I find myself wondering what Grossie and Maggot’s skeletons look like. Is it just a big pointy-headed skull under there, or do they have a vestigial thorax? Come on, King Features, kill ’em off so we can find out. Judging by today’s strip, you’d be doing them a favour.” –Hergen

“This fellow could be referring to a toupee.” –Rob Baker, on Facebook

“I’m wondering if Hi completely ignoring Dot and literally directing the answer to her question toward her brother, without so much as an acknowledgement that she said anything or exists, is intended as cautionary example training in case they ever go to a car dealership together.” –Violet

“You killed my husband! And this time I’m sure this is the right house!” –Retraux_Rocket, on Twitter

“Steven … You DID sign up for this. Do I have to show you the paperwork again?” –Peanut Gallery

“How sweet! Hägär’s men brought him and his pneumonic plague droplets home. No need to force Helga onto the funeral pyre: in one to six days, they’ll all be dead!” –pastordan

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