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No fuss, no muss: it’s this week’s top comment:

“‘It’s been a while since any parents complained,’ says Gil, as he demonstrates the hernia exam that they complained about.” –seismic-2

Also: Your hilarious runners up!

“Rex has waited until reaching the airport before reading the papers from the other researchers at the conference? For the first time ever, I see realism in this strip.” –Ettore

“‘I’ll be at a dull old medical conference all day long’ is just the kind of thing you’d yell if you were worried your wife and kids were about to join the dots about you and your secret second family.” –Schroduck

“How can I treat Mary Worth as portraying an aspirational lifestyle after seeing how the apartments are absolute crap? Are these converted barracks from Camp Swampy?” –Rusty

“I can’t show weakness to Ian by letting him think I’m concerned, or invested in our relationship in any way!” –TheDiva

“‘I’ve always been proud of my independence,’ says the woman who has never paid for anything ever in her entire life.” –Joe Blevins

“I believe it’s pronounced ‘fapping.’” –John Salerno, on Facebook

“Come on, honey. Let’s go take our minds off our son’s obvious medical problem.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Bonus brainteaser: Is that piece of furniture on the right a drafting table with no leg room, or just an ordinary out-of-perspective chest of drawers? Enjoy some Hams Chow while you think it over.” –Peanut Gallery

“‘I’m calling the website up right now!’ said the man who definitely has used the internet before.” –pugfuggly

“Good thing Billie Jean didn’t install some skeeball machines, her idiot customers would be using them as urinals! Oh wait, that’s too on-the-nose for a Crock punchline. They’d be using them as flip phones!” –jroggs

Gil, you need to see this. You don’t want to — but you need to. Apparently, landlines are completely obsolete now, thanks to these … what do the kids call them? … ‘cellular telephones.’ On the plus side, some of the guys on the team showed me how to use it to get all the cute cat videos I could ever want. See? It’s a cat, but he’s riding around on top of the little floor-vacuum robot!” –JJ48

“Looks like the guy in panel two is going ‘Whooaa‘ in awe of Mark’s sick dance stylze.” –Pozzo

“‘…and place the mask carefully over your nose and mouth. If you are travelling with a child, place your own mask on before assisting your child.’ The flight attendant’s patter was lulling most of the passengers into boredom, but Rex and Brayden stared at each other with cold, cold eyes. A silent understanding. Maybe even a glimmering of respect. When this cabin loses pressure and the oxygen masks deploy from the overhead compartment, they both thought, you are on your own.” — Voshkod

“Oh crap. ‘Bobby’ has changed his name to ‘Robby’ to show the world he’s not taking its shit anymore. I’ll bet the confrontation between him and Gil will include this moment: Gil: ‘Bobby–‘ Robby: ‘YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS ROBBY.’” –Jenna

“For Mark Trail, the word ‘encounter’ means ‘to punch in the face with great force.’ He was utterly baffled by both Brief Encounter and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. And that time Cherry dragged him to an encounter group? Disaster!” –Joe Blevins

“‘MARY, comfortable and confident in her single life, eats alone and indulges in erotic fantasy. TOBY AND IAN, continuing their loveless sham of a marriage, eat in silence.’ It’s like the world’s most depressing Goofus and Gallant.” –Dan

“Early 2019 gives us a bald, bearded John Travolta and a — what do the youths call it? — a thicc Mark Trail. Could this be the rain of men that was foretold by the soothsayin’ Weather Girls?” –The Mighty Captain E

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Mark Trail, 1/11/19

Oh, right, the human traffickers! We all remember the human traffickers, right? The ones … Mark encountered … and can remember instantly … shoot, you guys I don’t remember the human traffickers at all. Were they … were they part of this cave adventure? Anyway, you’d think Mark would be proud of these guys for working their way down the Ladder of Evil and only threatening cultural patrimony rather than live human beings, but in his Manichaean worldview, there are good people (who don’t get punched) and bad people (who do). At any rate, please enjoy Mark swelling up in righteous anger as he lays down the punchery, making every bit of his rippling physique extremely visible through is formerly loose-fitting shirt and jeans.

Mary Worth, 1/11/19

Ha ha, Mary is transparently not wondering about her friends at all, but is instead enjoying dinner alone and a book from the steamy Outlander series, presumably because she decided to stop thinking about Ian and instead seek out a story about a Scot who is an actually plausible object of erotic desire.

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Gil Thorp, 1/10/19

AHH AHH AHH BOBBY HOWREY! You might remember Bobby from one of the greatest ever Gil Thorp plots, when he was the sweater-vest-clad megalomaniac student manager who hooked up one of the Mudlarks with Adderall but it was OK because it was actually just baby aspirin, but Gil was too square and didn’t think it was OK and so Bobby ended up coaching literal children down at the rec center. Now, four years later, he’s all grown up, with the much more grown-up name “Robby” and an actual website, so he’s ready to destroy Gil and his regime of mediocrity, in which you’re not allowed to give fake performance-enhancing drugs to players even if it helps you win!

Because we all become exactly what we hate most, I make fun of the newspaper comics for being helplessly mired in nostalgia but absolutely love the Gil Thorp plots where wronged players from years past reappear to blame Gil for their problems, like when Steve Luhm, who was a social justice warrior before it was cool, came back as a disgruntled janitor, or when Marty DeJong stalked Gil with baseballs because Gil’s inadequate coaching ruined Marty’s arm and his life. I’m definitely looking forward to learning how B/Robby’s exile to the Milford Recreation Center failed to teach him any kind of lesson at all, but rather left him a twisted, broken soul intent on billboard-delivered vengeance.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/10/19

We all knew as soon as we saw that Brayden wore his baseball cap backwards that he didn’t play by society’s rules — the brim is supposed to go foreward, to shield your face from the sun, but he just doesn’t care! So it should’t come as a surprise that he’s tearing the mask off society’s polite fictions before this plane’s even left the gate. The air marshals are helpless: there’s nothing in FAA regulations that authorizes them to stop someone from dropping truth bombs.

Mark Trail, 1/10/19

You!?” Mark bellows with total conviction, having recognized our culprit as, uh … this dude? Does anyone know who he’s supposed to be? I’m so tired, you guys.

Family Circus, 1/10/19

Big Daddy Keane’s little smile is the expression of a man who’s just found a loophole. “She said ‘four children’ … but she didn’t say which four children, now did she?”