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Shoe, 7/25/20

I really enjoy how the eyes tell the whole story here. Shoe starts out heavy lidded — “Oh, a politician has started some gimmicky social media site to get a blip of attention in the news cycle, huh? Typical. What’s it called, I’m sure it’s dumb, lay it one me” — but once he hears the name and its naked declaration of political scam artistry, even his cynical soul is truly shaken, and his eyes bug out in horror. But the Perfesser, of course, already knows the name. He’s been through this cycle already, and his lids remain heavy, as he’s already been reset to an even deeper level of cynicism.

Hi and Lois, 7/25/20

Not much to say about this except that I find the phrase “I follow the meat” disturbing! I follow the meat, everyone! Referring to the plate of ribs, probably, but hey, the guy carrying the ribs is made of meat too! I follow the meat in all its forms.

The Lockhorns, 7/25/20

“Ha ha, get it? But seriously, she’s very depressed and nothing really helps.”

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It’s your top comment, of the week, everybody!

“Rex understands that common courtesy dictates that you end conversations with ‘Nice meeting you,’ even if it’s insincere, but he has yet to grasp that at some point you’re allowed if not expected to ask ‘What’s your name’ or ‘What do you do around here.’” –Jenna

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Just remember, you’re playing someone who knows every single one of my warts and flaws. Think of what you already know about me, and then imagine someone who knows all that and much, much more, yet can still say ‘I love you’ without retching.” –Morgan Wick

Olive oil can falls on woman’s toe and only causes a bruise! Bruise looks vaguely like France! Darkest part of the bruise is in the general location of Rennes-le-Château! Woman dies of blood poisoning while researching the Merovingian dynasty!” –Voshkod

“Remember how excited Rusty got when he was just talking about Jeremy Cartwright? Remember how Mark chastised him for getting too excited? Can you imagine what their respective reactions will be if Jeremy actually stays at their house? What I’m saying is, Mark may have to put Rusty down.” –Mr. A

“I like how nothing in today’s Rex Morgan indicates that it’s a flashback, Rex isn’t even notably de-aged, so it just looks like some deranged old woman is berating him for not cheating on his wife.” –Dan

“‘Two Leses cannot meet each other!’ ‘Does it put the time-space continuum in jeopardy?’ ‘No, it would just be extremely annoying.'” –Ettore_Costa, on Twitter

“Has Hi and Lois acknowledged the COVID lockdown? From Lois’ exasperation, it seems like yes, which makes Hi’s actions (i.e., getting dressed up in a suit to wander around in the rain just to feel normal and escape his horrible family) darkly hilarious.” –pugfuggly

“No thanks, Cherry! We will be eating lunch at A Local Restaurant.” –GeoGreg

“How dare Cartwright interrupt my explanations of every plant and animal on the table to complain that the meat was ‘so dangerously undercooked a well-trained vet could have brought it back to life.’ I tell you Cherry, the nerve of these coastal elites to demand their food be safe for human consumption!” –Corynaut

“A plugger’s version of ‘sweet afternoon delight’ is fighting cognitive decline by making it to the last letter of the alphabet without having to stop.” –grsblvnyk

“‘Say, Nick — do you know who that woman was?‘ ‘What woman? I didn’t see anyone. Unless you mean Melissa Claridge, the ghost who was murdered here 40 years ago, and who now wanders the halls, trying to entice lonely doctors into sexual-harassment suits.’” –BigTed

“Who says Jeremy Cartwright is a discourteous jerk? When someone brags about how their dad ‘takes them’ to their own backyard ‘all the time,’ promptly changing the subject is far kinder than anything I’d have to say in response.” –jroggs

“‘I need a drink!’ ‘What luck! There’s a whole lake of fresh, clean, cool water right behind you, Mr. Cartwright! [begins expounding on geological history of the Lost Forest watershed starting with the Carboniferous period as if he were describing the action-packed plot of a Jeremy Cartwright movie]” –Effluvius Erratus

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Mark Trail, 7/24/20

Oh, Rusty, we all know that you have somehow come to love Jeremy Cartwright despite the fact that there’s no TV in your rustic cabin home and Mark doesn’t ever take you to the movies. Then again, Mark doesn’t take you fishing, either, but that isn’t stopping you from telling Jeremy Cartwright a bunch of lies about that to try to make yourself look cooler in his eyes. Would your hero, Jeremy Cartwright, tell a lie like that? He’s clearly not lying about needing a drink. Looks like he needs a drink right now or his face his gonna melt clean off.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/24/20

Les has been offered a brief cameo in his biopic Lisa’s biopic, this is all about Lisa, where would you even get the idea that this is some kind of enormous ego trip for the dead lady’s husband, but anyway Les has been offered a brief cameo as a waiter in this movie, which is usually a kind of fun thing movie producers might do, for fun, except that Les both hates it and is genuinely bad at it. He could’ve said no, of course. He could’ve easily said no! Instead he’s ruining everybody’s day, so I guess he’s getting something out of it.