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Bizarro, 2/18/25

Big fan of today’s Bizarro for insisting on historical realism in the face of the gauzy, romantic revisionism we usually see on this subject. King Arthur, that paragon of courtly chivalry and the ultimate historical good guy? Didn’t exist, of course, but whatever Dark Ages warlord served as the inspiration for the stories was no doubt a violent thug who established his rule by the sword. Certainly he would’ve held a mere craftsman as unworthy of respect from the warrior caste, wouldn’t have hesitated to murder such a person if he found him even slightly annoying, and would’ve suffered no consequences for doing so.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 2/18/25

Mother Goose and Grimm hit its 40th anniversary last year, and its characters are sick of it! They were never meant to dance and put on antics for our amusement for so many decades! Please, let them rest! Let them find rest in the grave! They’re begging you!

Mary Worth, 2/18/25

“Well then, a home-cooked meal may do the trick!” [much quieter and faster] “And also advice.”

“What was that last part, Mary?”

“Nothing, Dawn! See you at seven o’clock!”

“Thanks, Mary!”

[even quieter and faster] “For advice”

“Did you say something else?”

“Must’ve been the wind, dear.”

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Dick Tracy, 2/17/25

Not sure if America was in the mood for the Dick Tracy storyline just concluded, about how the families prominent in our civic and financial elites are getting Nazi-curious about their Nazi ancestors. But has there ever been an era that wasn’t up for a good corpse-napping story? Dr. Hart here is pissed about an attempted corpse theft and she wants Neo-Chicago’s top cop on the case! Only he can track down the perpetrators! And, of course, if the notoriously trigger-happy Tracy were to produce more corpses in the course of his investigation, bringing more business to the morgue … well, that would just be an added bonus.

Judge Parker, 2/17/25

Look, I’m fine with Sophie acknowledging that there are few things less interesting to a college-age girl than her dad’s middle-aged dude friends, but I draw the line on her deciding to just stop engaging with Spener-Driver-Parker antics altogether. Sophie, we already have a comic strip about a blonde college student doing blonde college student stuff, it’s called Luann and (as I am reminded now that I have violated my blood oath and started reading it again) it’s pretty dire. You need to get in there and start hacking that drone footage! You’ve got an audience to entertain here and “doing your homework” or whatever is not going to cut it.

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Panels from Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/16/25

Now, I joke a lot that the only real industries in Hootin’ Holler are moonshining, chicken theft, and (Doc Pritairt only) Medicaid fraud. However, obviously it’s realistic that some of its inhabitants toil in the dirty and dangerous extractive industries that power the flatlanders’ cities. A few dare to dream of ascending to management positions, only to be laughed at for their rustic diction by the city slickers until they give up. You can understand why Snuffy and Lukey don’t even bother trying!

Panel from Slylock Fox, 2/16/25

Today’s strip offers some interesting insight into the question of why humans as a species haven’t been exterminated altogether in the post-animalpocalypse world, and are even still legally allowed to own pets: animals may have occupied most important social roles, but the remaining veterinarians are still necessary to treat their new overlords’ health problems, at least until enough animals get through the new medical schools. But until then, the vet offices are still open and very necessary. Look at poor Max! He’s very sick, or possibly very high, and either way is in dire need of medical attention.

Judge Parker, 2/16/25

OK, very little about the backstory of Judge Parker that’s lead to this moment is believable, and it’s also not particularly believable that Sophie would use her family turning to her for her superhacking skills into an excuse to do a bunch of emotional processing, but you know what is honestly believable? Referring to Randy Parker as “Sam’s friend.” Like, yes, I’ve been writing about Sophie since (gulp) 2006, but in the world of the strip, she’s literally a teenager, and Randy is just some guy her adoptive dad hangs out with occasionally and is fundamentally not interesting or relevant to her life most of the time. And good for her! He’s not that interesting to me, honestly!