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Family Circus, 2/25/22

I was going to do a joke about Dolly undermining her parents’ Flat Earth beliefs in front of PJ, but then I got a look at the utter, inky blackness outside the window. She definitely lives in some nightmare-dimension where the Sun has vanished, possibly forever, leaving the Keane Kompound as the last speck of light in a vanishing universe. Dolly’s little lie to PJ now seems like a final act of kindness before they too are snuffed out forever.

Pluggers, 2/25/22

Pluggers may not have insurance and may not be able to afford any actual medication to put in their medicine cabinet, but they still have a “health care plan”: to die with dignity by drinking a bunch of hotel shampoo after they diagnose themselves with a terminal disease from information they found on WebMD.

Mary Worth, 2/25/22

I’m not sure “uncanny” is a compliment in this context? Like, yes, Toby has probably figured out what’s going on here and does want to get laid, but she had to bite her tongue to keep herself from following it with “valley.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/25/22

You hear that, Rex and “Kyle”? This criminal absolutely doesn’t give a shit about you! You’re lucky your daughter/coauthor’s cute!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/24/22

Ahhh, today in Rene Belluso catchphrases you can use to liven up work meetings, we have “Nonsense! Lies! All lies!!!,” which I think we can all imagine plenty of times we’d like to yell it, right? Anyway, I assume that it is in fact not a lie that Rene spent his time in the joint nattering on to his oafish cellmate about the tricks of his forgery trade. I think it’s sad that Rene was excited to share his plans for his most conceptually complex forgery of all — a retroactive forgery of someone else’s work that he would pass off as his own original composition — and all he gets in return is this pointless snitchery.

Mary Worth, 2/24/22

OK, I definitely think they’re supposed to be flirting now, because you cannot convince me that these two are throwing around “I observe what’s around me” and “if I what I see interests me” and “focus” and “energy” while talking about the most cliched still life drawing it’s possible to do for a community college art class.

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Dick Tracy, 2/23/22

Kind of weird that Dick Tracy, the man who had a portable voice communications device decades before the rest of us had cell phones, apparently has a … pager? In the year of our lord 2022? Seems implausible, to me. Probably more likely that he’s just desperately trying to get away from Sam as Sam tries to ratiocinate his way to the solution that Dick is going to get by doing some light enhanced interrogation on an informant or two next week. “I’d love to really get into your thought process, Sam, but I’m [tries and fails to come up with a plausible-sounding excuse] getting a page from [tries and fails to come up with a normal-sound name] Riger.”

Crankshaft, 2/23/22

Look, I am a huge history dork, OK? Last fall one of the high points of my trip to New York was going to a tiny train museum in the Catskills where I bought this sign and was sincerely disappointed that we had dinner reservations and couldn’t stay for the talk they were giving about … I don’t remember now, but it was definitely train related. But even I would be very upset if I got a mysterious invite that made it seem like I’m about to learn that my great-aunt was going to leave her entire fortune to anyone brave enough to spend the night in a haunted house, but I show up and it turns out it’s just at the local Historical Society. This is going to turn out to be some NIMBY bullshit where Crankshaft And The Gang Stop Evil Developers From Tearing Down An Old But Disused Silent Movie Theater or something and I’m going to wish they had ended up saving journalism instead.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/23/22

Funky Winkerbean has taken a break from its a plot about how the Oscar nominations work that was marred by a number of errors of fact and chronology, and is now doing a riff about how everyone in Hollywood has an eating disorder, which I have to admit is pretty on point.

Mary Worth, 2/23/22

Oh, sorry, it looks like Cal isn’t going to bring his smoldering youthful libido into Toby’s staid life and reawaken her sexual self, which she thought died years ago in Ian’s bed. No, he’s going to want her to be his substitute mom, but like a cool mom, who doesn’t yell at him when he gets high with his bros and does getting-high-adjacent stuff like playing frisbee or watching Netflix but instead tells him he’s “feeding his creativity.” He will still expect her to sleep with him, though.