Post Content

Mary Worth, 6/3/22

You know, Dawn, you rally ought to listen to your friend Cathy. She’s got a lot of common sense! Thanks to faithful reader Rita Lake who dug up some old links, we now know that she’s really matured a lot since 2011, when she said Dawn was lucky to have Wilbur as a dad, a perfectly insane statement even when delivered in the context of Cathy’s dad being dead. She’s also really matured a lot — and by “matured a lot” I mean “completely physically transformed” — since the time she interrupted Dawn’s sexually obsessive thoughts about her art history prof back in 2015. It’s possible that this isn’t the same Cathy? Maybe Dawn only allows herself to have one female friend at a time, and they always have to be named Cathy, but other than that she’s open to a lot of different possibilities.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/3/22

“I mean, this guy prescribed Cosentyx® for me like a pro. I didn’t even have to ask about it like they said in the TV ad, he already had a bunch of pens and notepads and stuff around the office with the name all over them. It’s … mostly cleared up now, I guess? Anyway, he seems like the kind of guy who could handle a delicate hostage negotiation, based on that one interaction I had with him.”

Beetle Bailey, 6/3/22

Look, I don’t pretend to be entirely sure what’s going on here, but the important thing is that Sarge is finally going to pay for his crimes of cartoonishly overwrought violence, in prison.

Post Content

Gil Thorp, 6/2/22

So Gregg wore his dumb mask, the opposing team figured out he was blind and peppered him with bunts, and now he’s real depressed and giving up even the pretense that he’s a teenager. “Look at my hair!” he shouts. “I’m an old man! The only reason I’d go to the park is to yell at the young women about how they should dress more decently in public!”

Mary Worth, 6/2/22

Speaking of dressing indecently, oh my goodness, after a dull few days when Dawn and Jared endlessly rehashed his intense insecurity about the fact that she looked at another boy at the zoo and coming to what seemed like a boring consensus about how it was nothing and nobody should fret about it, Dawn is now going to Da Club behind Jared’s back, because their relationship is in fact extremely unhealthy! The last time we saw Dawn out at what I assume is Santa Royale’s hottest and noisiest goth club, she was there with her art history professor and surprised her dad’s ex while wearing this truly incredible outfit. Tonight’s ensemble, with just a hint of bondage around the décolletage, is somewhat more subtle, but I still appreciate the occasional forays into Dawn Fashion to help me keep up with what the kids are into these days. Anyway, does her friend … have a nose? A whole nose? It looks like she might not, right? And her name is Cathy? Hmmmmmmm?

Funky Winkerbean, 6/2/22

The joke here is that the boy waited till after graduation to ask out the girl so there’s no time for them to really form a relationship before they go away to college, but I think this strip would be funnier if she actually just decided she didn’t like him and instead of politely riding out the next few hours is telling him repeatedly that there will be no date #2.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/2/22

Oh, man, I certainly hope they don’t call Rex until the Sunday strip, because we’re gonna need a lot of panels for his ponderous, exasperated sigh.

Post Content

Six Chix, 6/1/22

Look, I’ll admit that I’ve spent quite a bit of time on this website — too much time, really — inflicting my musings about mermaid biology onto you, the innocent reader. Shamefully, a lot of it has focused on their reproductive lifecycle, thanks to Hagar the Horrible always shoving that in our face, but today I want to talk about locomotion. Usually when you see depictions of mermaids, they’re sitting on rocks jutting out of the sea or the beach or something, and without much thought you can accept that they kind of hopped up out of the water like a seal. But even if this bar is right on the wharf, this mermaid would have had a long way to go to get there, presumably dragging herself over the boardwalk and then across the floor of the bar before somehow managing to haul herself up on that stool. Have mermaids evolved extremely strong arms in order traverse land when necessary to escape predators or drop environmental knowledge on ignorant humans? Or does their powerful fluke propel them across the ground in a sort of flopping motion?

Funky Winkerbean, 6/1/22

Remember when Funky Winkerbean did a big time jump forward, like ten years ago, and loudly proclaimed that it would be focusing on a new generation of teenagers, and that its former teens, now a bunch of swiftly decaying middle-aged losers, would fade into the background, but then that never happened, because Funky Winkerbean in the ’70s may have been about fun teens but Funky Winkerbean in the 21st century can only ever be about how you, the reader, personally, are dying? Well, now the teens are taking on crippling debt, just to so that their own universe will pay more attention to them because they too are suffering. It’s sad, really!