Post Content

Beetle Bailey, 3/31/22

Look, I have carefully curated my entire lifestyle so that I don’t have to know or care about the pop culture references or aesthetic sensibilities of anyone born after 2002. So it’s not entirely clear to me if the kids today are into ghastly backpacks that look like a nightmare version of human head with a zipped-up mouth, or if the brains behind Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC, who I assume have curated their lifestyles so that they don’t have to know or care about the pop culture references or aesthetic sensibilities of anyone born after 1964, just assume that this is a thing the kids today are into. Either way, I don’t care for it.

Dick Tracy, 3/31/22

Every time we’ve seen a performance from Vitamin’s new talent who parodies Tonsils, a cacophonic singer who almost killed Dick Tracy, he’s drawn with his arms like that. He’s not supposed to have six arms (you have to clarify these things with Dick Tracy, though if the did have six arms he’d be named something like “Sixarm” or “Armsix”), so I guess it’s supposed to represent a gesture of some sort, and this other lady is doing it too, now, so: fine, I’ll ask. What is it. What’s the gesture. Is it a jerk-off motion. Is “oh the rainbow turned muddy” some kind of code for masturbation that I’m unfamiliar with. I’m almost as grumpy as Dick is here.

Crankshaft, 3/31/22

Look, I don’t care if Crankshaft dies because he didn’t take his pills, or because he took too many of his pills. I just want him dead. It honestly doesn’t really even need to be pill related.

Post Content

Shoe, 3/30/22

The thing about Shoe is that the bird-people have varying character designs that involve varying amounts of clothing. Some are fully clothed; some, like Shoe himself, are naked; and others, like the Perfesser, are only naked from the waist down. This is, honestly, fine, because they’re bird-people and it really doesn’t matter how naked they are, but it becomes much worse when you learn the Perfesser used to wear pants but then he got too big for them and instead of buying a different size he just stopped. Can you imagine if people did this? These birds are lucky they’re birds!

Dennis the Menace, 3/30/22

Dennis is the Chosen One of our omnipotent God, and He will support and defend Dennis no matter what, even if his behavior is so beyond the pale that his friends all reject him. Menace level: infinite.

Gasoline Alley, 3/30/22

Trying to think of a response to “Where have you two been” that’s creepier than “In our skin.” “You know, we’ve just been in here with all the blood and organs sloshing around. That’s all we are, really! Just a bunch of meat in a thin wrapper. What’ve you been up to?”

Pluggers, 3/30/22

Not sure if the normally happy go lucky readers of Pluggers are ready for today’s strip, which delivers the tough news that the plugger-wives are now BARREN

Post Content

Gil Thorp, 3/29/22

Ahhh, if it’s spring, it must be time for … the Gil Thorp baseball plot, which will definitely involve these young men and their varying degrees of enthusiasm for baseball trivia! I’m not a “sports guy” but the answer to this question has to be pitching-related, right, since they used to put pitchers in 60 games a year or whatever but now they’ve evolved into delicate, crane-like creatures capable of throwing at superhuman speeds but also they need lots of downtime between starts or their hollow bones will explode? Anyway, mostly what I’m thinking about here is how insulting it must be to be relegated to “and friends…” status behind “Scooter Borden” and “Gregg Hamm”. That’s too many Gs and too many Ms, Gregg!

The Lockhorns, 3/29/22

Someone being present during their spouse’s physical is a little unusual but not unheard of. But I like the way Loretta has her purse slung over her shoulder here. Like she could take off at any minute if this gets boring. C’mon, doc, you gotta keep teeing up the sick burns if you want her to stick around!

Pluggers, 3/29/22

Haha, I love the “lots and lots and LOTS of pluggers” credit for this one. “WE GET IT,” the Chief Plugger is saying, “YOU PEOPLE NEED MASSIVE, COSTLY, AND ONGOING PHARMACEUTICAL INTERVENTIONS IN ORDER TO LIVE”