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Beetle Bailey, 6/25/21

Say, have you ever spotted a uniformed member of military out in public and been tempted to go up and thank them for their service? Well, Beetle Bailey, America’s only widely syndicated military-themed comic strip, would urge you to think twice: it turns out they might be a real lazy piece of shit. You just don’t know! Why take that chance?

Family Circus, 6/25/21

Honestly, why is the second-generation leadership of Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC disrespecting the troops, when they could be using their legacy comic strip for good, by depicting one of their number as a child eagerly grabbing for a pair of swim trunks as their pants fall down to their ankles in a panel destined to be hung on refrigerators by smiling grandmas everywhere?

Mary Worth, 6/25/21

Me yesterday: “Is [Drew] going to be pulled in two, literally, as a metaphor? Let’s hope! Let’s hope it gets weird as hell!”

Me today:

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Mary Worth, 6/24/21

Look, folks, some of you are getting a little riled up and need to have your expectations set properly, OK? First of all, there’s never going to be a Drew-Shauna-Ashlee threeway. It’s not going to happen. It’s Mary Worth! There isn’t even going to be a Drew-Shauna-Ashlee threeway in this psychedelic Drew dream sequence. I mean look at everyone’s facial expression in panel one. Does it look like sex is going to be had? It does not! If we’re lucky, though, this dream sequence is going to get hilariously metaphorical very quickly. Remember the boxing Wilburbabies? Of course you do. That’s the energy we deserve out of Drew’s dream. Is he going to be pulled in two, literally, as a metaphor? Let’s hope! Let’s hope it gets weird as hell!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/24/21

Welp, it looks like it’s the beginning of Sarah Morgan Is A Genius II: The Geniusing. And despite the fact that we could’ve had a juicy plagiarism storyline, everything’s going to be on the up and up, thanks to Buck acting as an intermediary. Remember before, when Sarah got acclaim and material rewards thanks to her patroness, an actual mob boss? Well, this time around it’ll be thanks to Buck, and scientists have yet to come up with a number that can capture how much of a downgrade that is.

Judge Parker, 6/24/21

If you want a vision of the future of Judge Parker, imagine a pissy human face yelling at its wife — forever.

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The Phantom, 6/23/21

I know the Phantom has seen a lot in his decades as a superhero (and, by proxy, in his 20 previous incarnations) and has therefore earned the right to be a little blasé about things that would make the rest of us quiver with terror. Still, I gotta say that his facial expression in today’s strip is a little less a blind seer telling him “YOU DIG YOUR OWN GRAVE, O GHOST WHO WALKS” and a little more “gosh, I hadn’t considered bundling my home and auto insurance, thanks for the tip.”

Beetle Bailey, 6/23/21

Miss Buxley being Beetle’s girlfriend is a relatively recent development in this strip, and we’ve probably all thought that he doesn’t deserve her, but seeing that she’s wandered out into a field, wearing heels, in an attempt to keep Beetle from practicing a fairly important skill for a soldier, it’s pretty clear he really doesn’t deserve her and actually she might be somewhat misguided.

Family Circus, 6/23/21

He may not be the most skilled, but one of these tries he’s going to hit it and everyone will finally be able to wrap this up and go back inside. (I’m talking about Big Daddy Keane hitting Jeffy’s head, of course. Look how close he came! I believe in you, Bil, you can do it next time!)