Post Content

Crankshaft, 1/6/22

I didn’t watch Netflix’s Bridgerton, but there was a brief window in late 2020 and early 2021 when online discourse about it was inescapable, and so I somewhat against my will became aware that a lot of the plot (which takes place in Regency England) revolves around a Duke insisting on using the withdrawal method of contraception with his young, sexually naive wife, and she slowly over the course of the show learns what semen is and why she’s not getting pregnant. What I’m saying is that the potential for classic Crankshaft wordplay here is absolutely horrifying, and Pam needs to put a stop to this is as soon as possible by throwing her television into the ocean.

Pluggers, 1/6/22

No. No. Absolutely not. This is the sort of thing a plugger would claim a little kid would do, because they spend all day on their iWhoosit or Android telephone or whatever. No self-identified plugger would admit to doing this. I refute this. I refute this.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/6/22

“Haw haw! We’re treatin’ our bodies like a garbage disposal! What d’we got to live for, anyway?”

Post Content

Mary Worth, 1/5/22

I think we were all ready to read the end-of-year Mary Worth lull as representing an at least temporary shift away from Wilbur’s romantic antics, and thought that maybe we’d catch up with Ian and Toby or Dr. Jeff or, heck, maybe even some new one-off characters Mary can meddle with, which is the sort of plot that used to be the bread and butter of this strip! Thus our abrupt return to Wilbur/Estelle On The High Seas in this first week of January has taken me by surprise, and I also wouldn’t have guessed that it we would get so quickly into daily recap territory, but look, you can’t have Wilbur angrily declaring that he’s going to storm off in the wake of his wildly ill-advised marriage proposal and sleep … on the buffet? in the boiler room? in steerage with all the colorful Irish peasants from Titanic? … and expect me not to talk about it.

Gil Thorp, 1/5/22/

Oh, snap, is gambling-mad Pranit betting on games that he’s playing in? No, he’s just using gambling lingo metaphorically, but sadly Milford High has spent years slashing its humanities budget to fund its STEM program and bloated athletic department, so nobody he’s talking to understands what “metaphors” are.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 1/4/22

Ha ha, yes, Wilbur, this is absolutely great, completely ignore Estelle’s body language and just demand that she recite these vows you wrote in front of the cruise ship’s off duty purser — who happens to be right here, by the way — and then you’ll be legally married in the eyes of all the nations that have ratified the U.N. Convention on the Law of the Sea! And if she says no, well, then, at least you tried, and the only downside will be the absolutely excruciating five to seven days you’re about to spend sharing a cabin with a woman who now 100% realizes what a terrible mistake this all was.

Speaking of Mary Worth, it is absolutely required for the health of democracy that you vote in the most important election of the year: the Fourteenth Annual Worthy Awards, as always put together by faithful reader Wanders, celebrating the best Mary Worth plots and panels of 2021! All the categories are a delight, but I am particularly jazzed by the options in the Outstanding Floating Head competition this year. Make your voice heard!

Crock, 1/4/22

I was going to complain that for this to make sense, Figowitz’s little joke should be personally insulting to the bookmobile guy in some way, but you know what? Punching someone in the face is an absolutely acceptable response to any joke arising within the comic strip Crock. If the characters got punched in the face more often, maybe they’d make fewer jokes, which could only be a good thing.

Crankshaft, 1/4/22

Wait, are these three guys drunk every time they go to the diner? It sure would explain a lot!