Metapost: Brace yourself, it’s the comments of the week
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INCOMING: THIS WEEK’S FUNNIEST COMMENT RIGHT NOW!
“I’ll suspend a lot of disbelief when it comes to Family Circus but I refuse to believe ANY child would salivate at the sight of a dish of Werther’s Originals the way Billy is. Is he gonna plead that they stay up to watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman as well?” –Irrischana
THESE RUNNERS UP ARE ALSO EXPLOSIVELY HILARIOUS!
“So the previous explorer came in, looked around without disturbing or stealing any of the precious antiquities, and carefully sealed the entrance when he left. Slylock, meanwhile, seems to have bashed a hole in the wall with a big ol’ sledgehammer. Who’s the real destroyer of ancient cultures here? It’ll serve Slylock and Max right if the entire structure falls down on top of them, sealing them in with the mummy, and they spend all the rest of eternity as afterlife servants to Amenhotep II.” –BigTed
“Oh, there’s nothing I want more than to see the male characters of Shoe perform the mating rituals of their species. Apparently the Perfessor is an osprey, so he will perform an undulating dance in the sky while carrying fish or nesting material. On the other hand, that might be too risque for the newspaper comics pages.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“How come not one person in that row of people at the Oscars is attractive?” –Professor Well Actually
“I call shenanigans. Pluggers can’t tell if their hands are hot or cold due to diabetic neuropathy.” –Hibbleton
“These are not ‘books in the bathroom‘ as you might think, but ‘bathroom books’: guides on mastering pooping techniques and styles. Pluggers take it very seriously.” –pugfuggly
“Why did the last panel of Rex Morgan suddenly turn into a Soviet-era propaganda poster? When the revolution comes, Kyle Vidpa and his Bolshevik army will force parents to believe their children, by any means necessary.” –Schroduck
“Given the lack of a TP dispenser in that bathroom, we can safely assume the books aren’t there for reading.” –Hannibal’s Lectern
“‘So,’ says the thirty-something neighbor lady with the unhappy marriage, ‘I’ve been following your teenage son very closely on social media. I keep tabs on his dating life.’” –Joe Blevins
“‘If you had a dog, what would you name it?’ was last night’s Final Jeopardy question, under the category of ‘Most improbable way to initiate a conversation.’” –seismic-2
“The intensity with which the Mitchells are watching Dennis makes me wonder just how much poison they put in his serving.” –TheCasey
“I also appreciate that Daddy Daze Daddy has put the baby on what appears to be a freestanding bar stool. He can fall onto his head in any direction!” –matt w
“US Hospitals are known for exorbitant prices, but that’s nothing compared to what Rex and June would charge him for a conference room birth. To the hospital, stat!” –nescio
“‘Lord, I’d give anything…’ Did Crankshaft just sell his soul? And for a very minor favor? I still think it was the Devil that got the worst of the bargain.” –Ettorre
“I like that these two are performing as an old-style vaudeville comic duo but, in keeping with Hootin’ Holler’s fear of the outside world, they can only do it in private, in fear their comedy stylings be taken for witchcraft.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid
“Smiley polished his glasses interminably with the end of his tie before speaking in a damp whisper. ‘The key, Control, was a series of letters posted from Czechoslovakia to Treetops, East Virginia, in the United States. That was how the mole was getting the information out of Prague Station, the information that lost us agents Starling, Oriole, and Flamingo. But the mole made a mistake; his asset in the U.S. fell in love with him. Strange story. Anyway, we have the mole, we have his U.S. asset thanks to the Cousins, and I think we can wrap the whole thing up.’ –Excerpt from the shocking conclusion to John LeCarre’s Flicker, Falcon, Fishhawk, Spy” –Voshkod
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