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Rex Morgan, M.D, 3/8/22

Ha ha, so, the funny thing is that Rex and June did some asking around that made it pretty clear that they were in fact very open to the possibility that Sarah plagiarized the Doggo Twins from her erstwhile teacher and then had amnesia about it! One assumes that, had they not been saved by the intervention of a kindly jailhouse snitch, their next move in their bid to save their clinic would have been to hold a press conference disavowing any relationship with or knowledge of a person named “Sarah Morgan.” “Morgan is an extremely common name,” Rex would tell any TV reporter willing to film him saying it.

Pluggers, 3/8/22

Look, fine, we’ve been hinting at since this feature debuted in 1993, but we’re just going to come out and say it: pluggers are constipated. OK? The “plug” in “pluggers” comes from the fact that their colons are plugged up. Are you happy now? Are you????

Hi and Lois, 3/8/22

“Am I supposed to look on my phone? Also, is this thing in my hand that I’m waving around a phone? Is this what phones look like now? Remember when phones were attached to the wall by a cord?”

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Gil Thorp, 3/7/22

You know, I make fun of Gil Thorp a lot for focusing on its characters’ insane hijinks rather than actual high school sports action and coaching, but the dirty truth is that actual high school sports action and coaching are in fact incredibly boring. Oh, the basketball team captain thinks that the girl currently playing guard isn’t doing so great and that she should be in that position instead? I can’t type a “ZZZZZZZZ” long enough to express my lack of interest in this. I am intrigued by the way she’s holding that sandwich in panel one, which I think we can all agree is very much not the way someone holds a sandwich if they’re intending to eat it any time soon. I assume that she’s just keeping it at the ready so if anyone disagrees with her assessment of Maddie’s poor performance she can chuck it directly into their face.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/7/22

So Marianne really did get nominated for an Oscar, for playing Les’s dead wife Lisa! Apparently the screenwriter/guy whose life the movie was based on did not snag an Oscar ceremony invite, which: LOL. Still, these people are talking about parties that Mason and Marianne have pointedly not been invited to because they’re afraid he might show up.

Pluggers, 3/7/22

[For this bit, I’m a caveman outraged that people in the future don’t recognize my culture’s achievements] Hey, buddy, ever heard of fire? Idiot.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 3/6/22

Look, Slylock Fox may be a comic about a fox detective who uses the powers of ratiocination and species stereotyping to maintain the authority of an unaccountable police state, but it’s also, as its full title clearly states, a comic for kids. Therefore, the characters have to set good examples for the young people today. For instance, are your children considering tunneling into an ancient and possibly cursed tomb somewhere along the Nile? Make sure you get permission from Egyptian Minister for Tourism and Antiquities Khaled El-Anany first! Remember to tomb-raid responsibly — and don’t leave anachronistic objects behind, as they definitely ruin the vibe.

Shoe, 3/6/22

So, he’s afraid he’ll be viciously attacked physically and possibly torn to bits? Maybe this is overly “politically correct,” but I’m going to say it: he should not go on this date! It doesn’t sound fun at all!