Metapost: [COTW wordplay goes here]
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[Setup for comment of the week goes here]
“I’m actually mad at how inaccurate the darndest thing in Family Circus is. Little kids think all grownups are impossibly old! Dolly should be looking at some purple-haired waif with thirty piercings and telling Thel that she’ll finally have someone her own age to play with!” –matt w
[Slightly less effusive setup for runners up goes here]
“Dennis is helping clean the table! The only thing less menacing is if he had expressed interest in playing pinochle!” –Ettorre
“What’s wrong with the cook? Why didn’t he simply wish himself into a better universe, or simply out of existence? Or unwrite Crock entirely? Is he newspaper comics’ greatest monster, or does that honor belong to whoever named Boner’s Ark?” –Victor Von
“Leroy and Loretta are no younger in that picture than they are now. Are they (relative) newlyweds? It takes normal couples a good twenty years to work up to that state of mutual bile. Guess they’re over-achievers, in that respect. Congratulations?” –Pozzo
“Loretta made sure to put their wedding photo up near a framed image of the state where it took place, so Leroy will always be reminded of local alimony laws.” –BigTed
“You know what, I think the Dad has a point. If I went to a vinyl-bench diner with old timey apron wearing waitresses I would also expect a full plate to compensate for the food being the cheapest ingredients prepared by the least talented cooks. I mean, that’s kind of the deal, right?” –Jerp+Jump
“Wilbur’s idea of an apology: ‘No, shut up! I’m talking now! You listen!’” –Inspector Gotcha
“To ‘zero in on’ something means to aim at it, so this new character development sort of makes sense if you assume the Beetle Bailey writers know nothing about the character other than the name, which … seems pretty plausible, actually?” –Jack Brounstein
“Pluggers check every day to see if they can still read dates on coins. ‘Yep … 1955. Or maybe 1956. Whatever … if I can still see something, it means I’m not dead. Yet.’” –Pozzo
“That blonde woman is absolutely threatening to murder Lillian in the last panel and I’m here for it. If characters are going to die in Crankshaft then at least have them bludgeoned to death with a lighting tripod.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“You’ve heard of cringe comedy, but now it’s time for cringe tragedy — OH, WILBUR. — starting this January only on HOBOMax.” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter
“The couple across the street are hipsters, not hippies. No one else would insist on using a fifty-year-old antique baby carriage.” –Tom T.
“The stoned ‘Dude?’ at the end of Blondie completely kills the timing of the punchline, but it suggests that the only place stocking Thanksgiving jelly beans is a weed dispensary which, you know, makes sense.” –Schroduck
“See if you can find all the choking hazard toys scattered on the floor, and then realize why PJ is ‘sleeping.’” –Rusty
“That’s ‘duderino’ to you, young man! I’ll brook no insolence from petty clerks, even at a store that apparently has an HTML formatting error for a name.” –Peanut Gallery
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