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Hi and Lois, 2/27/25

Now, like me, you probably read this strip and immediately recoiled in disgust at the implications: that Chip is in the living room watching pornography on the TV, eyes bugging out and the biggest smile we’ve ever seen on his face, Ditto snitching to his mom about Chip watching porn, his mom saying “He’s 15, he’s old enough to be watching porn, right there in the middle of the living room.” But upon reflection, I’m pretty sure “love scene” is not meant to be taken as a euphemism. Sure, there might be some erotic aspects, but the emphasis in whatever Chip is watching is clearly on the strong emotional connection between two people in a beautiful and mutually affirming relationship. He looks so deliriously happy because his own family is miserable and he’s only now learning that something this wonderful is even possible for human beings to experience.

Archie, 2/27/25

The spit take is a classic comedic bit, but I do enjoy that Jughead is not phoning it in at all here. He looks genuinely disgusted at Archie’s latest romantic crisis; despite the fact that he’s the comics’ #1 asexual/aromantic icon, Jughead sees Archie’s inability to juggle his emotional responsibilities to his two paramours as a skill issue, and holds his friend in contempt for failure to meet the moment.

Bizarro, 2/27/25

You ever think about how someday you’ll die, and maybe afterwards you’ll linger as a spiritual being of pure energy, and also maybe you’ll continue to have some sort of boring office job that involves phone calls that you’ll try to avoid? Better to not think about it too much, as it’s probably not going to make you feel any better about dying.

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Pluggers, 2/26/25

I’ve been reading and making fun of Pluggers for nearly 20 years now, and over that time I have against my will acquired a certain amount of information about the individual beast-people who make up the cast. For my sins, I know that the cat-man plugger’s name is Claude, and somewhere in the back of my mind I have it that he’s supposed to be the intellectual of this bunch, although I can’t really find evidence to that effect in my archives; instead there’s just the usual stuff about how he has more prescriptions than friends and his underpants are constantly on the verge of falling off. But what I’m definitely sure of is that he doesn’t have a wife. There are only a few she-pluggers in this strip — the chicken-lady, the kangaroo-lady, and I think a dog-lady? — and none of them are with Claude. Reading the horoscopes in order to find out whether your pretend wife is going to be in a bad mood is a pretty baroque little fantasy, I have to admit. Maybe I was right about him being an intellectual, or at least profoundly neurotic, which is kind of the same thing if you think about it.

Six Chix, 2/26/25

I guess the joke is that this guy is the husband/partner/babydaddy of the pregnant woman, but honestly I think it’s even funnier if you assume he’s just wandering through this medical facility hoping to horn in on someone else’s sonogram session. “Hey, lady, since you got that thing lubed up already, d’you mind checking out my digestive situation? I need to know when I’m gonna have to shit, I’m trying to plan the rest of my afternoon.” (Anyway, sorry about all that, I know it was gross, but it’s not even close to the grossest sonogram-themed Six Chix I’ve discussed on this blog.)

Dick Tracy, 2/26/25

For too long Dick Tracy has focused on hideous mutant criminals and their violent interactions with law enforcement. I’m excited that this storyline is going in a different direction. What if there were two nephews who sucked? Just terrible, incompetent nephews? Nobody in the history of literature has dared to ask this question … until now.

Gil Thorp, 2/26/25

Hey, remember when they suspended Marty Moon for being drunk all the time? Well, I don’t care how sober the person they replaced him with is, they need to stop saying “tonight” at the end of every sentence. And they should be talking more about owls! Poor Leo Atazhoon has been on the receiving end of a vicious owl attack! We don’t have time for Rodney’s ongoing drama, the birds are finally rising up against us!

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Gil Thorp, 2/25/25

Keri Thorp has been struggling with an eating disorder, and apparently their therapist has recommended equine therapy. Did you know that horses are prey animals? Did you know that some clinicians believe that you can overcome the psychological issues associated with eating disorders by channeling your “inner wolf”? Did you know that the Milford teachers union negotiated a very generous health insurance package for its members, with particularly comprehensive mental health coverage for educators and family members? Step 1: You get to know horses and their weaknesses in a controlled environment. Step 2: You’re parachuted into the Mongolian steppe. Step 3 gets a little messy but I think you can see where we’re going with this.

Judge Parker, 2/25/25

Wow! That sure sounds interesting! If only this were a visual medium, and we could’ve seen some of that action, instead of just seeing other people reacting to it and then hearing Sam Driver describing it while staring manfully into the middle distance. Maybe we’ll also learn third-hand how this 100% illegally obtained evidence entered the official record of Anne’s case, if we’re lucky!

Herb and Jamaal, 2/25/25

Herb commits any number of sinister deeds during the course of his day, and can only live with himself by dissociating at night, as if all that evil were the fault of someone else entirely. It’s sad, it really is!

Pluggers, 2/25/25

Man, I always thought one of the perks of being a plugger would be a blissful lack of self-awareness and self-reflection, but I look at this plugger’s face! He is reflecting upon himself pretty hard and does not like what he’s become aware of as a result.