The Comics Curmudgeon

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It's been obvious for a while that these two aren't humans exactly, but today provides a little more insight into their biology. So far we can describe them as small oviparous homonids lacking teeth, probably an adaptation to the rocky crags where they evolved, preying in seabird nests.

—pugfuggly
158

I guess if you learn things about him in conversation, he becomes less unknown and it kills the vibe

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The Phantom, 11/7/25

The Jungle Patrol, like most military and paramilitary outfits, is mostly composed of young people, but the nature of those young people of course changes as we drift through comic book time. Back in the ’00s, their recruits were mostly spunky, idealistic millennial lady cops and waitresses. But today, the zoomer junior officers of the Patrol have no experience talking on the phone and cannot overcome their social anxiety enough to build professional rapport with their Unknown Commander. Sad!

Blondie, 11/7/25

Kudos to the local news for not actually showing the grotesque imagery of magnified fast food and instead merely playing audio of the scientists’ horrified reaction. With Dagwood in town, they clearly know that they need to tread carefully when it comes to food-related news. On the other hand, the news team apparently lacks advanced studio equipment like “teleprompters,” forcing their anchors to simply read the news off a visible piece of paper, so it may be that they simply did not have the capacity to transmit other video content to their viewers.

Mary Worth, 11/7/25

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on what’s been happening in Mary Worth, so I’ll recap: Toby met a parrot and then spent 72 hours trying to think of a name for it. This is the best she could come up with.

130

Nothing worse than finding trust fund kids in your canal

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Andy Capp, 11/6/25

I know increasing globalization means that cities around the world are becoming more and more similar to one another in their interlocked material and aesthetic conditions, but it is unsettling to learn that even in Andy Capp’s Hartlepool, hipsters are leading a wave of gentrification as they snap up apartments in formerly industrial waterfront areas. I guess I can console myself that a Hartlepool hipster is entirely unrecognizable to any normal person as such (buzz cut, minty green suit) and that the canal is still full of drunks in an unironic way, for now.

Beetle Bailey, 11/6/25

The essential tragedy of Cookie is that he really does enjoy his job, but is constantly crestfallen when the troops react to his offerings with disdain and disgust. Well, today you can see that they’ve finally broken him. Do they think he just churns out slop day after day? Well, he’ll give them slop. Why bother trying. Why bother caring. Eat your slop, piggies!

Gearhead Gertie, 11/6/25

Sorry, I absolutely refuse to believe that Gertie would spend the off-season reading the NASCAR rule book, a tome that she long ago memorized in every detail. No, she would kick back and enjoy working through the puzzles in the 1990 original Days of Thunder Movie Family Fun Book from Exxon. A steal on eBay at only $6.99! Grab one today for the Gertie in your life!

144

The hills have eyes, and lolling tongues

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/5/25

Oh, wow, it turns out that this Rex Morgan, M.D., plot is going to involve — brace yourself — interpersonal conflict??? Specifically, it looks like Augie based the protagonist in his sought-after thriller novel on his girlfriend, whose permission he did not obtain in advance! I guess she’s currently working very hard to get her head around the concept of a fictional character who has many things in common with a real person but is not a one-for-one analogue, but trust me, once she figures that out she’ll be mad about the other thing.

Marvin, 11/5/25

Hey, this series started out cute enough but I am calling it now: it got real dark real fast. That poor overbred dog is in pain and his owner is laffing it up on the golf course! Let’s go back to the piss stuff, it’s less emotionally harrowing.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/5/25

I’m sorry, I refuse to believe that the isolated and impoverished residents of Hootin’ Holler would have the resources or the desire to participate in the wider service-based economy in this way. It’s more likely that they’ve lured this poor flatlander up into the hills so they can murder him with axes, steal his blade-sharpening equipment, and disassemble his van for scrap metal.