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Rosy-fingered dawn is here, and she’s brought the comment fo the week!

“Diane is cosplaying and posing for no one in particular, and the boys are backlit while she isn’t. The only way this makes sense is if Chip and Boy Not Named in Wiki Entry are in the dark garage watching a projected slideshow of potential girls to be rejected by.” –Lee Sherman

She’s brought these fun runners up as well!

“If the Mitchells would stop gossiping about their friends and coworkers in front of Dennis, they’d have something to talk about when he’s not around.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Why should Marvin care about reading books? His generation will all experience, say, The Count of Monte Cristo in virtual reality, with the words beamed directly into their brains from their iPads or something. Best of all, no one will know his actual body is pooping the whole time.” –BigTed

“Maybe you lost your watch inside a patient. I haven’t known you all that long, but seems pretty in-character.” –Pozzo

“Marvin’s family is grotesque in any number of ways, but I’ll say this for them: they’ve never forced their unwilling friends to hear about their wife’s failed attempts to spark up their dead marriage with a bit of adult-baby play, unlike some people.” –Schroduck

“I appreciate that Marvin’s grandparents are playing a game named for both a food and an orifice. It fits the theme” –Mr. A

“If it takes you a minute to realize that that punchline is supposed to be wordplay, you’re probably reading Crankshaft.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I love the idea that this guy’s parents are sitting just out of frame, patiently waiting to spend time with their son while he stares captivated at a phonebook-sized letter he won’t even open. ‘Seriously, your mom is starting to get really upset…’ ‘Just five more minutes, honey. I just want to smell the stamps a bit more.’” –pugfuggly

“Drew today: ‘What has become of my cherished watch, which my dying mother gave me before she passed away?’ Drew last week: ‘Hey, what happened to my Rolex™?’” –jroggs

“Beetle, you know what is also copyrighted? The character played by William Holden in Stalag 17! But satirical works enjoy an exception to copyright, and let us be very clear that satirical does not necessarily mean ‘funny.’” –Ettorre

“Drew: ‘She was buried in a matching watch.’
Ashlee: [grabbing shovel] ‘Go on.’” –Donny Ferguson, on Twitter

“At this point, Crankshaft wakes up, tangled in his sweaty sheets, gasping for air. ‘What a nightmare!’ he thinks. ‘Me, on a date? Having a heartfelt conversation? Horrible! I should’ve known. Since when have there been drive-in movie theaters, and since when were movies abstract pencil drawings on a white background? Well, at least now I know I’m not too old to dream.’” –made of wince

“So apparently if I see a bird-man with an aggressive pompadour, a Reservoir Dog suit, and a one-ball scrotum hanging under his beak I’m supposed to think ‘carpenter’ rather than ‘one of nature’s more tragic mistakes.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Are women after Chads or are they just golddiggers? Dustin enters the hottest debate in /r/incel history!” –Jerp+Jump

“A teenage boy who’s completely bald except for a single tuft of curly hair growing out of his forehead (?!) might need to lower his standards a bit if he considers ‘conventionally attractive girl who’s a little too into the Red Sox’ beneath him. Or honestly even if he doesn’t.” –Dan

“I’m just relieved Ashlee is wearing flip-flops so she doesn’t get tetanus from that sofa.” -Malaclypse

“You can Tell Ashlee’s on hard times because not only is her wall plaster and couch all torn up, she can’t even afford color for her apartment. Not to get all socialist about it but you have to ask whether she would have turned to petty larceny if she hadn’t been reduced to life in a greyscale flophouse while the residents of Santa Royale luxuriate in their vibrant washes of salmon and ochre.” –BananaSam

“Nice rendering of the down-at-the-heels People’s Clinic. I guess it’s Shithole Week at Mary Worth.” –Ned Ryerson

“Drew has two practices: the hospital, where he draws money from an exploitative healthcare system, and the People’s Clinic, where he draws money from people’s charitable donations. If Ashlee just hangs with him awhile, she could learn a thing or two.” –richardf8

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Gil Thorp, 6/11/21

I guess what’s going on here is that each of the Coaches Thorp is sitting with their own student-athlete in the teen vs. teen’s girlfriend’s dad library board interview competition, and “we’re all rooting for the library” is some kind of statement of neutrality, like “We may disagree on the details but I’m sure whoever wins will do a great job for this institution that we all respect, so let’s all just go out there do our best.” That’d be a lot more believable if Katy’s dad’s whole platform wasn’t literally defunding the library. Anyway, I assume that weird hand position in panel three is Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp getting ready to throw up some really exaggerated chef’s kiss gestures when Katy’s dad loses.

Pluggers, 6/11/21

You know what hour a plugger is happiest? When they manage to doze off, their troubles and cares briefly annihilated by blessed unconsciousness. It’s only an hour, though, when they pass out in their chair from pure exhaustion; presumably they spend the night tossing and turning in bed due to their various anxieties and disappointments. “Lots of pluggers everywhere” wrote in with this one!

Mary Worth, 6/11/21

God damn it, Ashlee, don’t you dare go soft on me, returning sad Drew’s precious Rolex from his dead mom! The only acceptable thing happening here is that you’ve realized the Coreys have generational wealth and you need to be working on a much more ambitious grift.

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Hi and Lois, 6/10/21

I was going to go on a riff here about how women are forced to do this carefully calibrated gender performance where if they don’t get into to male-coded pursuits they’re too “girly” and not worth paying attention to, and if they get too into them then they’re scorned as “not feminine enough,” but you know what? Diane is definitely taking things too far, by dressing in a baseball uniform and wearing a hat and eye black to school, a thing that nobody of any gender should do.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/10/21

Ahh, looks like Rex Morgan might be getting a little sexy…

[everyone’s interest is piqued]

…in a character’s childhood bedroom, while he goes on and on about all the nerd shit he used to have in there…

[everyone clicks away in disgust]

Mary Worth, 6/10/21

Gotta love how Ashlee is settling in on the couch with a snack to really dig into the most reading she’s done in months.