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Heck yeah, it’s your comment of the week!

“’99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall’ would be a fitting anthem to The Lockhorns — you get the gist immediately but then it goes on longer than anyone would want.” –jenna

Heck yeah it’s your hilarious runners up!

“My favorite image is Dolly holding the carrot in front of Bil as he plays horse. She is not getting any of the fun of the ride, but damnit, she is committed to the role play. ‘Come on, Daddy. Neigh for me! Neigh … for … me!’” –Joe Momma

“It’s almost as though Mommy can see Daddy’s rainy-day fantasy, and she shuts it down toot-sweet: ‘Bil, let me be perfectly clear as to why I married you: so you can fix shit.’” –Carsick Yankee

“See, the joke is that Big Daddy Keane doesn’t enjoy spending time with his kids. And who could blame him?” –Ace

“All the Daddy images are great, but my favorite is him carrying that trashcan by ignoring the handles and placing his hands in positions that give him excellent odds of a major spill. Talk about passive-aggressive revenge for the death of his rainy-day dream.” –Poteet

“No really, it’s two babies worth of fat: Marvin has been eating babies.” –pugfuggly

“‘Tell me which magazine NEEDS me.’ Oh, Mark, sweet Mark. You’ve lived in a salaried bubble too long.” –Living on Video

“Whenever a figure calls to you from the all-concealing shadows, Tommy, go to them! They’re probably made of candy!” –Victor Von

“‘Why the heck is Bean’s End all sold out of respirators?!’ wonders Crankshaft, blissfully unaware of a variety of current events.” –RexDartEskimoPi, on Twitter

“Congrats to our bird-man for keeping his first-generation flat-screen TV working for 20 years. Bad news looks just a little bit softer in 480p.” –BigTed

This whole country is a Panic Room, in the sense that Kristen Stewart is in it.” –Ettorre

“We all deal with the adversity of modern life in different ways. Some, like Tommy, consider slipping back into comforting addictions. Others, like the Perfessor, succumb to madness. Crankshaft? Oh, he’s just gaslighting his own daughter for laughs. Business as usual, in other words.” –Doctor Moreau

“‘Sarah done something bad.’ Rex Morgan turned into Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury so quickly.” –Voshkod

“Normally I hate the Romantic Misunderstanding thing, but Tommy and Brandy are such absolute idiots that I welcome the ensuing confusion and refusal to clear things up with a simple conversation.” –TheDiva

“Am I the only one who wants Vin to get his own strip (or just take over this one)? I for one would love to read about the ongoing adventures of ‘a well-spoken gentleman of the street with a knack for quoting proverbs and surrounding himself with interesting people whose lives reflect the daily concerns of society’ (to paraphrase King Features’ summary of Mary Worth).” –Effluvius Erratus

“What do you do when you’re 38 years into writing a comic strip about a baby and you’re utterly out of ideas for defecation-based jokes? Maybe you look around the room for inspiration until you spy a goldfish bowl and think, ‘I bet those fish are miserable and hate both their lives and each other.’” –Joe Blevins

“The way he’s got that thing pointed at Tommy’s mouth, it looks more like a spoon to me. ‘Come on, Tommy, open the hangar… and in comes the airplane! Mmmm!’” –Peanut Gallery

“His killing people and taking their blood might gain him some awed respect among the other prisoners, provided they never see a picture of him looking like some sad bipedal catfish.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“The chaotic state of the Lockhorns’ marriage is reflected by the chaotic arrangement of their living-room furniture: Loretta’s chair points away from her visitor so that she stares blankly into the hallway, and the visitor’s chair, only a few inches away, offers their company a disturbingly close-up view of Loretta’s inner ear. It’s not as if they are unaware of these shortcomings: on the wall in the hall, the framed picture is… a completely blank rectangle. A simple yet beautiful, unmarred, Platonic ideal of geometric perfection. Yes, clearly they have goals of a finer, esthetically pleasingly life to which they aspire, yet here they are. You’re the Lockhorns, guys. Deal with it. (Leroy clearly has.)” –seismic-2

“You know Sairy is half-assing it because her picture’s not on the sign, costing her the crucial illiterate vote.” –Bill L

If it were up to Leroy… meh, nothing is up to Leroy, or me either. We’re sea-level Sisyphuses, just rolling our respective boulders around, aimlessly.” –Just John

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/23/20

Look, Hootin’ Holler has heard about this so-called “democracy” that the flatlanders participate in and they want to give it a shot, OK? It’s just that the only actual civil officers in town are the sheriff and the judge and they’ve already got a sheriff and a judge, so they’re not sure what else they’re supposed to have elections for, exactly.

Shoe, 10/23/20

Honestly not sure if this is a dumb fat joke or a dumb “ha ha! they’re birds, get it?” joke.

The Lockhorns, 10/23/20

It’s not easy being one of the people trapped in the Lockhorns’ bitter, loveless marriage! Think of all the sarcastic, metaphorical ways Loretta has to come up with to say “My husband is an alcoholic,” for instance.

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Dick Tracy, 10/22/20

Despite the fact that Dick Tracy wears a bright yellow coat and has a rogue gallery full of weird mutants, his strip is actually a fairly accurate depiction of police work in several senses, including the fact that there often isn’t much mystery involved in any given crime. Oh, did an heiress die from being drained of blood, vampire-style? Probably she was killed by the local professor guy who’s part of a gang of vampire cosplayers who think they should’ve inherited the money instead, and he’ll be going after the other sisters next! Anyway, I genuinely enjoy how the tubes coming out of Professor Stokes’ mouth make him look particularly pathetic. You’ll never be a real vampire, buddy, no matter how goofy an overcoat you buy!

Mary Worth, 10/22/20

It has been brought to my attention by my more drug-savvy readers that this could also be a pipe for smoking meth, not just crack like I said before, so really, who can say what Tommy is resisting here, but the point is that if you don’t enjoy the sight of our boy staring at a pipe with eyes the size of dinner plates, then I respect your opinion but I think you’re missing out one of the fundamental pleasures of Mary Worth.

Dennis the Menace, 10/22/20

A fun fact about Socrates is that he was put on trial for various trumped up charges of “corrupting the youth” of Athens, and was convicted by only a very narrow majority of the jury, but then in the penalty phase of the trial he got to give a speech about what he thought his punishment should be, and he said the Athenian government should give him free room and board for life like they did for Olympic champions, and then a much larger portion of the jury voted to have him executed. What I’m trying to say, Dennis, is that a much smarter and more menacing man than you has already tried this little strategem, and it very much did not work.