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Mark Trail, 11/9/19

Genie isn’t just a font of fun Nepal facts, guys! She also understands and respects the privacy rights we all have under HIPAA.

Family Circus, 11/9/19

Ha ha, look at Ma Keane’s face, you guys. “Sounds like a real firetrap!” That’s what finally snuffed out her will to live.

Dennis the Menace, 11/9/19

Damn it Mr. Wilson, unless Dennis is deliberately trying to cut through a gas line, or digging a little torso-sized grave for a dismembered torso, you are way overstating things here.

Pajama Diaries, 11/9/19

Meanwhile, over in Pajama Diaries, everyone is achingly starved for physical affection! Ha ha, what a pleasant thing to read about, in the funny papers!

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It’s time for your top comment of the week!

“That is not the way invasive species work. That is not the way ecology works. But most of all, that is not the outfit to wear on a forest inspection, Princess Pussycat! Seriously, do you wear that floor-length robe 24/7? Please, have more confidence in your vast regal powers and go ahead and don casual gear when the occasion warrants. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown and never ever takes it off.” –Poteet

Your runners up are also hilarious!

“‘Do you want to hear what I’m going to do next summer?‘ Margaret asks during the first week of November. Who’s the real menace?” –Westing1992

“Wilbur is so drunk that he managed to stutter in a thought bubble.” –Noel

“Dagwood’s plan is just two headlines and Windows 95 clip art. Maybe Dithers is right to treat him so badly.” –Ettorre

“Wilbur is literally devolving before our very eyes. He’s been getting shorter and uglier, and now he’s starting to turn into a character from a differently drawn comic strip genre altogether. I’m guessing workplace humor, but I wouldn’t rule out funny animal or talking baby.” –T.H. Steady

“I like Daisy’s wide-eyed reaction in Panel 1. ‘Facial recognition system? Is our beloved legacy comic strip now going to be exploring social implications of omnipresent monitoring technology and how modern-day fears of one another in a polarized society could lead to the creation of a police state, run by a massive AI that constantly collects data on everyone and uses that information to subjugate us to the wishes of some technocratic overlords? Is Blondie finally becoming… relevant???’ Then in Panel 2 Dagwood proposes his idea, and Daisy thinks ‘Whew, had me worried there for a minute!’, and goes back to sleep.” –seismic-2

“I’m a little concerned that Estelle and Iris’s reaction to Wilbur’s public drunkenness is mild resignation. Do you want to end up like Loretta Lockhorn, ladies? Because this is how you end up like Loretta Lockhorn.” –TheDiva

“Just before Wilbur picked up the bottle last week I was wondering if they’d ever address the fragility of ego he must have to maintain such a terrible combover in 20-dang-19, and WELP” –Skeleton Munroe, on Twitter

“It’s kind of adorable that Snuffy and Silas are completely jaded by America’s political system yet still innocent enough to think that a ‘hunnert‘ constitutes a proper bribe. C’mon guys, most senators won’t take your call until you’ve funneled 100k through a PAC and gotten their nephew a corporate vice president gig.” –pugfuggly

“Yes, Zak’s facial expression is great, but take a peek at Estelle. Sure, it’s a look of shame, but not for the reason you think. She’s been out with so many horrific Silverdaters, it’s now developed into a kink for her. ‘Oh yeah. That’s it, Wilbur. Mock him. Mock his tofu order, right after straight-up trying to order a goddamned Mayo Lassi. When you end up face-down in your spice-level-ten Panang Curry, I’ll drive home alone and replay the carnage over and over again in my mind.’” –Carsick Yankee

“Confessing to murder is a pretty shocking way to change the topic of conversation, but life in prison is certainly preferable to listening to Les Moore talk about Dead Lisa.” –jroggs

“We’re ready to order. First, let’s do a plate of phallic symbols, to share. By sharing, I mean we’ll each stick them whole into Wilbur’s mouth, one by one by one.” –Phil A. Sheo

“Bull had a solo car date … with death!” –Sir Bagby”

“I’ve always admired the way the denizens of Hootin’ Holler let their tongues flop out of their mouths when someone tells them a joke. And by ‘admired,’ I mean ‘realized there is no point in being repulsed by a standardized drawing in a comic strip.'” –Randy

“Which would you rather have: a funny cartoon? Or, this?” –Hägar’s Horny Hat

“This guy doesn’t have to whip himself into shape — all he really needs is a guitar. The disappointed girlfriend will come along naturally.” –BigTed

“Okay, unless Wilbur gets decked tomorrow, I guess we’re in for another week of this dinner. Fine by me — I won’t be satisfied until something really socially transgressive occurs. A bunch of people have predicted vomiting, but I’m hoping for whiskey-scented diarrhea.” –Zla’od

“Dennis looks nonplussed. Here he was, all set to be served tea — to show the women that the only way to calm his menacing is to accept a place of doting servitude, thereby reinforcing the secretly greater menace of inescapable patriarchal gender roles — and all of a sudden this girl is making things about urban vs. suburban politics instead. It looks like he’ll have to do some reading before he can deal with her properly!” –pachoo

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Mark Trail, 11/8/19

Sorry I haven’t kept you up to date on what’s been going on in the month since Mark and Dr. Camel and their crew got attacked by a rhino, but honestly trust me when I say that it hasn’t been that interesting! There was an elephant ride but even that was more boring than it sounds, and as you can see they’re still in Nepal’s semi-tropical lowland zone and not in the rugged, mountainous region, which I assume is infested with yeti. Sorry, Mark Trail, you can’t promise me yeti and then just show me a bunch of boring-ass animals I can see in any zoo and expect me to remain engaged! In today’s strip, Genie desperately tries to liven things up by giving everyone cholera, but Mr. Mark “No Fun” Trail is gonna put a stop to even that.

Mary Worth, 11/8/19

An underrated thing about human beings — which is often borne out by, say, the oeuvre of Sacha Baron Cohen — is that we try our hardest to maintain illusion that everything is going fine and normally even when one participant in a social situation is behaving bizarrely and inappropriately. I both appreciate and find it fairly realistic that Zak, Estelle, and Iris are cheerfully going around the table saying what they liked about their meal while Wilbur is literally smearing himself with noodles. It’s magnificent.

Six Chix, 11/8/19

Sorry, I refuse to believe that this supposed slacker would have a framed picture hanging at a weird angle but then leave his cans neatly placed upright on the floor. And what are you going to stain your shirt with that’s grey? I feel like he’s protesting a little too much, like he wants a girlfriend who’s going to whip him into shape, literally, as part of some slovenliness dom/sub play.

Dennis the Menace, 11/8/19

So … instead of pretending to do yard work, you’re instead going to pretend to have a big dispute at the condo board meeting about the various estimates on what it’s going to cost to fix the elevator? I think we can agree both of these games suck ass.