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Hagar the Horrible, 11/7/19

We’ve done a lot of speculation over the years on exactly when Hagar the Horrible is supposed to be taking place, but I think we can all agree it’s kind of late in the Viking era, right? Like, Christianity is becoming increasingly prevalent, elaborate legal systems are in place that judge matters in terms of guilt and innocence rather than the relative social positions of the parties to a dispute, and, as we learn today, local gentry who previously would’ve put together a team or warriors and gone raiding have instead tied themselves to whichever members of the increasingly powerful nobility they have blood or marriage links to, hoping that instead of a difficult and rugged life on their own they’ll have more strength and protection as part of a Jarl’s forces. It’s all fun and games until your cousin decides he’s going to try to overthrow the king, buddy!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/7/19

Guys. I just. I refuse to accept that the no-carb craze has hit Hootin’ Holler. I know half the joke of this strip is when people say or do things mildly incongruous for the setting, but I just refuse here. Refuse, do you hear me? They’re subsistance farmers, they grow and eat and name their babies after root vegetables, meat is a precious treat, they think low carb diets are ludicrous flatlander affectations and die at age 55 of malnutrition God damn it

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Gil Thorp, 11/6/19

Aww, sweet injustice-hating Chance Macy nobly faked an injury so that his backup (who is the stepson of his antagonist) could get some playing time and a touchdown in a game where the Mudlarks were already way ahead. Could this guy get any more saintly? Looking forward to Chet getting unmasked and then dumped from the school board and then Charlie Roh’s mom divorces him and then he’s ritually burned to death in next year’s bonfire.

Mary Worth, 11/6/19

See, the difference between me and Wilbur is that if I were drunk and trying to needle a romantic rival about his name, the worst I could do is wonder why a woman would think she had honored a person with a totally normal name lke “Zachary” by giving her son the dumb misspelled name “Zak,” but Wilbur just went there with “Zachary fucked your mom, LOL,” huh? Anyway, shoutout to everyone who only just today discovered that “lovely but stern late-middle-aged woman jams a spring roll down a hapless doofus’s throat while a handsome man watches, smiling” is their primary fetish.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/6/19

“It was cold-blooded murder! I left those keys where I knew he would find them! And I’m not sorry! I’m not sorry at all!”

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/5/19

Ah, finally, the reason Silas wears a red armband makes sense: He’s a socialist, here to spread the word that the factotums of electoral democracy are in fact enslaved to capital. And if you’re wondering “why is a socialist the only person in Hootin’ Holler who runs a store,” it sounds like you’re unfamiliar with Marxist theory, which insists that a civilization must pass through all phases of economic development before it can achieve a truely classless society. Silas isn’t going to try dragging this barter-based agricultural community straight into the dictatorship of the proletariat like some kind of common Maoist!

Crock, 11/5/19

I’m just gonna ignore the “what if telemarketers, but in an ill-defined North African setting, where incidentally we’ve previously acknowledged that phones exist” joke here and focus instead on Maggot’s bib. Does it make any sense at all to wear a bib when you aren’t wearing a shirt? If you’re living in a tent in the desert with no running water to wash the food off your chest, maybe? I guess we should really factor in the fact that the bib matches Maggot’s skin color so precisely that it’s almost certainly made from the flesh of a member of his immediate family.

Mary Worth, 11/5/19

The best part about today’s episode of Wilbur’s Drunken Double Date Meltdown is Zak’s genuine smile in panel two. Not only is he (unsurprisingly) not even remotely threatened by Wilbur, but he’s enjoying this is as much as we are!