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Funky Winkerbean, 4/20/20

Oh, look, we’re back at what is somehow my least favorite Funky Winkerbean storyline: Les agreed to have his sad comic book about his dead wife, Lisa, turned into a movie, again, which is a potentially lucrative arrangement for him, except for whatever reason he loathes the idea but instead of just saying no he’s decided to be as sullen a dick about it as humanly possible. Anyway, maybe I’m prejudiced as a cheerful Angeleno convert, but I find it extremely funny that Les has chosen a picture of palm trees for Mason’s profile pic on his phone, which most people usually find to be symbolic of the great weather and fun lifestyle out here, but to Les it clearly indicates that he’s about to get a call that he’s going to hate.

Slylock Fox, 4/20/20

You know, if you wanted to make a point that the purpose of police isn’t to stop crime or even serve the general public but is rather to protect the property interests of the wealthy and politically powerful, I would say that doing a cartoon where the Animal Kingdom’s chief investigator was put to work just finding the monarch’s lost jewelry would be a little on the nose, honestly.

The Lockhorns, 4/20/20

“You can’t see it because everything below your waist is just an inky, undifferentiated black shadow without texture or even a third dimension. Honestly, for years I thought you were wearing ballet tights.”

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Panels from Crankshaft, 4/19/20

“I’m that bus driver with the awful accident record they keep doing the I-team reports about. I’ve killed dozens of children! I’m widely loathed!”

Panel from Slylock Fox, 4/19/20

Hey, Slylock, I’m pretty sure you’ve never pushed an egg through your cloaca but if you did and you knew there was a place where they were giving out the good painkillers, you’d probably want to be there too, you know?

Mark Trail 4/19/20

“OH SAY KIDS DID YOU EVER WANT TO HURT OR KILL SOMEONE … WITH A PLANT? HERE’S A BUNCH OF PLANTS THAT ARE POISONOUS! I’M NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD, I’M JUST SAYING … HERE THEY ARE”

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Mary Worth, 4/18/20

OK, I’m sorry, I’ve been willing to indulge Hugo’s cartoonish Francophilia, but did he really say that Hamilton, America’s most beloved cultural product of the last decade, isn’t as good as some tired-ass cabaret show that’s been running for more than 20 years at a venue that caters strictly to tourists and nostalgists? This will not stand, monsieur. This means war.

Judge Parker, 4/18/20

“We’re all gonna touch each other and stand in each other’s personal space and breathe into each other’s faces and give each other Covid-19! It’s gonna be a blast!”

Six Chix, 4/18/20

Big news, everybody: aliens are real and they’re horny as hell