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Baby Blues, 3/13/20

Wow, why would you ask Wanda what she did on her big date night with Darryl if you already knew what they did on their date? And why is this whole community whispering together to keep track of Darryl and Wanda’s movements? I’ve been reading this strip for more than a year and this is only the third time I’ve been moved to comment on it, so trust me when I say they are not that interesting.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/13/20

This is Bull’s CTE buddy, who just got word from his doctor that his decline due to CTE is accelerating, and despite the fact that he has, I’m pretty sure, a wife of his own, after getting this news he decided to go hang out with Linda, who was widowed when Bull drove his car off a cliff, due to CTE. “These are the super-depressing videos Bull liked to watch in the years leading up to his suicide,” Linda says, “so if you’re trying to psyche yourself up to kill yourself, you can borrow them if you want.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/13/20

WE GET IT TILDY

DESPITE YOUR AGE, YOU’RE STILL A SEXUAL PERSON AND LOOK FORWARD TO AN ACTIVE EROTIC LIFE ONCE YOU AND ANDRZEJ ARE BACK TOGETHER

ACTUALLY ALL OF US WILL WITH ANY LUCK BE OLD SOME DAY SO THIS IS GOOD NEWS

THANKS FOR LETTING US YOUNGER FOLKS KNOW THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

ENJOY YOUR “WRASSLIN’” (VIGOROUS SEX WITH YOUR EX-HUSBAND)

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Crankshaft, 3/12/20

QUICK RECAP ON WHAT’S UP IN CRANKSHAFT: Hannah did indeed end up giving birth in the Valentine when everyone was snowed in, and Crankshaft had apparently had to help someone give birth in a previous storyline years ago so he’s basically a midwife now, and he did it again and everyone is fine except Crankshaft then horribly threw out his back while shoveling them out of the theater. Anyway, as I’ve discussed previously, the orthographic conventions of Peanuts are burned very deeply into my brain, and I strongly associate “AUUUUUUUGH!!” with spiritual anguish, like Charlie Brown losing yet another baseball game, but I will also accept it as a signifier of intense physical pain, especially if that pain is afflicting Ed Crankshaft, one of the least likable protagonists in the comics pages, which is really saying something.

Mary Worth, 3/12/20

Jesus Christ Mary, will you stop relentlessly monitoring Dawn’s sexuality? God, she obliquely confesses just once that she’s thinking about sleeping with a married man and now you won’t get off her back. Let her live, Mary, let her live!

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Mark Trail, 3/11/20

Wow, some wild swings in tone happening here as the Mark Trail art, formerly wooden and repetitive, becomes mysteriously and surreally fluid. One of the gang of anti-orphan bullies suddenly becomes very intent on Rusty joining his clique, eyes bugging out derangedly as he makes his pitch. But as Rusty’s sly expression in panel three indicates, he would rather rule in hell than serve in heaven, by which I mean he’d rather be in a position of strength, hanging out with his dad and the world’s saddest orphan, than being at the bottom of the pecking order among the cool kids. Finally, Rusty will have his own Rusty!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/11/20

Oh my god, check it out, June is trying to get Tildy to slow down and think through her impulsive decision to move out of the Morgans’ house and shack up with her ex who she hasn’t seen in decades, and Rex is trying to physically restrain her. “Don’t you dare, June! Her bags are packed! Her bags are already packed, we’re so close!”

Gasoline Alley, 3/11/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because, like most service industry workers, Baleen doesn’t have any paid sick leave, so she has to choose between working while injured or infectious and financial ruin!