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Mark Trail, 7/22/19

Wow, hmm, Mark Trail sure has some … interesting and nuanced ideas about property rights! Like, it’s bad to hold people at gunpoint in order to get access to gold mines, but it’s totally ok to plunder treasure chests despite the presence of locks that clearly indicate that those chests are private? Anyway, I think it’s particularly cruel of Mark to theatrically break open this lock with a stone and then tell Doc “this is your show.”

Shoe, 7/22/19

There’s definitely an argument to be made that, especially in an age of extremely focused and specific streaming platforms, Saturday Night Live has become bland, middle-of-the-road entertainment. I’m just not sure that message is best delivered by [checks note] the legacy newspaper comic strip Shoe.

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The Phantom, 7/21/19

So the Phantom is the middle of a Sunday plot about a mountain kingdom that’s taken Lean In feminism to its ultimate conclusion, which is that it’s a brutal, violent dictatorship but, like, run by women, you see. (It’s also right next to Bangalla, in Africa, and yet seems entirely populated by white people, hmm.) Anyway, today’s strip made me laugh and laugh, as our hero, significantly underestimating these Amazonians, just wanders in completely non-stealthily, frees their prisoner, and is like “Rule of law, ladies, you ever heard of it?” and then just gets immediately stabbed in the chest.

Dick Tracy 7/21/19

Welp, looks like Dick Tracy wasn’t successfully gunned down after all! I really like the helpful graphic the local news has chosen to accompany this story. “Usually it’s best to aim for center mass when trying to take someone down. But if you’ve got a scope and suspect your target might be wearing a Kevlar vest, why not aim for the head?”

Hagar the Horrible, 7/21/19

TIRED: Lucky Eddie wants to fuck a fish

WIRED: Lucky Eddie wants to be a fish

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Funky Winkerbean, 7/20/19

I have to admit, this absolutely bonkers “killer chimp” reveal has at least gotten me seriously emotionally invested in Funky Winkerbean, event though my investment is basically in seeing how much more bonkers it’s going to get. Today Cindy posits that Zanzibar was “jealous,” which … hasn’t really been explored in the strip, as far I’ve noticed? And also Cliff let Butter leave town with a talking, thinking, murderous ape??? How did he know Zanzibar wasn’t going to kill again? Who would stop him? Certainly not Butter Brinkel! How many corpses did Butter and Zanzibar leave in their wake as they fled from state to state across the country?

The whole vibe this episode is a delightful (for certain admittedly very limited definitions of “delightful”) throwback not to the Funkyverse’s actual zany past but to the moment when the strip was shifting gears from its zany past to its ultra-depressing present. “There’s a chimp who can talk and also he murdered an innocent woman and ruined countless lives” definitely fits in with “There’s a zany dude who goes by ‘Plantman’ who dresses up as a plant and is also a murderous maniac.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/20/19

I have to admit it’s kind of charming how these two are talking frankly and cheerfully about their jobs as scam artist: giving professional praise, coming up with ideas for new revenue streams, brainstorming the details of possible strategies, and so on. I’m also intrigued that we have yet to see the sinister puppetmaster’s face, but, just like an actual puppetmaster, he’s always dressed in black. You know who else dresses all in black?

THAT’S RIGHT, BABY, IT’S RENE THE ART FORGER

HE’S NOT SATISIFED WITH FORGING ART, NOW HE’S PUTTING OUT FAKE MEDICAL SERVICES TOO

HE’S THE BAD BOY OF THIS STRIP AND HE DOESN’T CARE WHOSE TOES HE STEPS ON

BUT HE’S ALWAYS POLITE AND ENCOURAGING TO HIS ACCOMPLICES BECAUSE THAT’S JUST THE KIND OF GUY HE IS

Pluggers, 7/20/19

For most of us the facts of life are about sex. For pluggers, they’re about the lifetime of unacknowledged and unappreciated domestic and emotional labor their wives have put in to keep them alive. Ha ha, it’s funny because if the chicken-lady dies, the dog man won’t survive for six months without her!

Mark Trail, 7/20/19

Does … does Mark Trail know how mines work? I’m pretty sure this isn’t how mines work.