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Pajama Diaries, 7/16/19

I freely admit that it’s entirely irrational, but I’ve developed an extreme aversion to the strips where Pajama Diaries gets horny. Like, it’s not Luann-level distasteful, of course, but it still squicks me out, possibly because nobody actually talks like this. “Hey mom, be sure to make me a special second dinner for tonight, because after my dinner date I’m gonna go fuck somewhere, then come home later and eat that second dinner, because if there’s one thing having sex does it makes you hungry, right? Post-sex hunger is a thing? Because of all the sex exercise? This is exactly how I talk to my friends in my dorm, and I’ve definitely had sex before.”

Funky Winkerbean, 7/16/19

I dunno, man, in this flashback Young Cliff Anger looks less like a guy whose best friend just went to jail for a murder he didn’t commit and more like a guy who’s pretty jazzed to be the new owner of a chimpanzee named Zanzibar. Ha ha, the chimp is smoking a cigar and wearing a shirt! He thinks he’s people! Anyway, if Zanzibar turns out to be the real killer in this storyline, I’m willing to forgive a lot about the past few weeks in this strip.

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Mary Worth, 7/15/19

Oh wow, it looks like the extremely terrible trend of “negging” has finally hit France, or maybe Hugo has learned it as part of his cultural studies here in America, but either way he’s taking it to the next level by negging not just Dawn’s appearance or personality (seems like there’d be a lot of rich material with that one in particular) but her whole country. Which, yeah, we have a lot to answer for, especially when it comes to culinary matters, but I think you lose your right to talk smack about how and what other people eat and drink when you’re in the middle of eating a sandwich with a fork.

Hi and Lois, 7/15/19

Ha ha, kids today and their Wi-Fi, amiright everybody? Anyway, feel free to speculate how long Chip has been isolating himself socially and refusing to leave his room that he’s forgotten that his wireless connectivity ends when he leaves the house.

Dick Tracy, 7/15/19

Well, it’s Monday and it’s time for a new Dick Tracy storyline, and this one starts with … Dick being gunned down in the pouring rain right outside his precinct? That’s pretty solid, actually, though it’s honestly weird to see it so soon in the week, as it’ll be pretty hard to top.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 7/14/19

We’ve seen some evidence in the past that one of the few jobs that humans are still allowed to have under the Glorious Animal Regime is clown. Presumably this is because the newly ascendent animals find us funny, both because of our gangly physique and because of the general comical pathos that accrues to the once mighty brought low. At any rate, is it any wonder that we steal now? Steal from the animals, literal animals, who hold us in contempt, who keep us around only to laugh at us, and who, it’s very clear from the background details in this panel, have no idea how to run a circus? This clown may be a criminal in the eyes of Slylock, but he’s a true hero to me.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/14/19

Rex Morgan has traditionally been about providing medical information that folks at home could really use in their own lives, like “there’s a really specific disease that’ll make you barf up your food every time you try to eat it,” for instance. Anyway, this current storyline seems to be about how you should not let your elderly family members listen to podcasts? Honestly, I agree with this. Better safe than sorry!