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Beetle Bailey, 3/26/24

Does Corporal Yo assume that Sarge would just think “Oh, he finally got that leg-lengthening surgery, that explains why he’s taller! I’m not going to lower my eyes down any further as I think I have all the information I need.” Or did he assume Sarge would think “Hmm, those boots are definitely not compliant with Army Regulation 670-1.” Because he’d be right about that one, actually.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/26/24

Look, I’m not saying we need a campaign to fight anti-vaxxer attitudes with an appeal to deranged sovereign citizen legal theories; but I am saying is that if we wanted to launch such a campaign, I think the Snuffy Smith comic strip would be a great venue for it.

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Mary Worth, 3/25/24

Big news, everybody. They did it. They dragged out the Keith storyline and then the Mary and Jeff go on a date transition for so long that here we are at the beginning of a Weston storyline and I’m ready to throw a celebratory party. Maybe it’s just the end of the suffering talking, but I’m actually pretty intrigued that we’re going to get some details on Dawn’s mom! Remember, at least in Wilbur’s feverish memory, she’s an icy Hitchockian blonde obsessed with advancing in high society:

Panel from Mary Worth, 8/4/22

You can check out this post for an in-depth dive into Wilbur’s early ’90s introduction in the strip, when he washed up on the shores of Charterstone as a refugee after being voted out of the house by both his ex and his daughter; but then Dawn discovered that sometimes those who implement a purge during a revolution find themselves similarly purged in a later phase, and she too landed in California. What’s been going on since? What terrible revelations does her mother have to tell her about Wilbur … or about herself? I for one am unreasonably excited to find out!

Gil Thorp, 3/25/24

One thing I don’t feel like I need to know about is Gil’s son’s elite hacking skills. That’s really none of my business and I think it would be very funny if this never gets any follow up, or at least none until the syndicate finally greenlights the Jami Thorp: Cybercriminal spin-off strip.

Alice, 3/25/24

Ahh, first Alice (I will be referring to this woman as “Alice” until proven wrong about it) had to shield her niece and nephews from the horror of alien invasion, and today she learns that she suffers from an awful affliction where she cannot retain memories of happy times, only suffering. Is this strip just a tale of nightmares that never cease?

Daddy Daze, 3/25/24

I like that the opening panel here assures us that the Daddy Daze daddy did indeed take a bite out of this pizza before giving it to his son. I mean, this man is clearly insane, creating an elaborate world where his pre-verbal infant communicates entirely in a series of “ba”s, so it’s totally possible that he lives in a decaying Grey Gardens-style home that is in fact infested with very large mice.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/25/24

Sure, I’ve griped some about this Rex Morgan storyline, but if it ends with this 99-year-old cowboy showing the Count his high-tech mechanical dick, I’m willing to forgive a lot.

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Blondie, 3/24/24

OK, look, syndicated newspaper comic strip Blondie: if you start a comic where Dag gets an alert on his phone that it’s time for a “ritual,” and Herb walks over looking depressed saying “I might as well get it over with,” the rest of the strip had better involve a grisly human sacrifice, part of some dark suburban magic to propitiate the tutelary deity of lush, even lawns, and not some bullshit about borrowing tools or whatever.

Dick Tracy, 3/24/24

OK, look, syndicated newspaper comic strip Dick Tracy: I know doing overly reverent takes on classic adventure comic strips is, like, your whole thing, but you’re going to have to decide whether the action you depict takes place during an era where undercover FBI agents would have no choice but to leave their newborn daughter at a local orphanage as they begin their most dangerous mission yet, or whether it takes place during an era when cordless phones exist. You can’t have it both ways!