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Marvin, 10/31/19

Marvin’s been doing some pretty run-of-the-mill costume party antics this week, not even up to its usual levels of diaper-shitting humor, but it’s pretty weird that the late October party that features the characters dressed up in various disguises has been consistently referred to as … “Octoberfest”? Is there some constituency out there that would be offended by printing the word “Halloween” in a newspaper comic? Who exactly is King Features afraid of: fundamentalist Christians who are tired of the Devil’s holiday getting good press in the liberal media, or neo-pagans outraged about cultural appropriation of their Samhain celebrations — or both, working in a literally unholy alliance? All I know is that a party called “Octoberfest” should feature revelers drinking out of enormous steins of beer, and if you’re about to say, “Josh, don’t be silly, babies don’t drink beer,” I’d like to point out that they don’t crack wise about each other’s costumes with heavy-lidded, cynical facial expressions either, and yet here we are.

Gil Thorp, 10/31/19

OK, yeah, the “big reveal” is that Chance had a lot of emotional problems as a kid, blah blah blah, he’s worked through them with therapy and a lot of love and a cutesy nickname for his demonic anger, etc. etc. etc., but let’s just pause to acknowledge how empathetic yet masculine Gil looks in today’s final panel, shall we? His face carefully composed to demonstrate that he’s really listening to what Chance is saying, his slightly shaggy hair rustled by the fall breeze, he’s the positive male role model Chance never had, except I guess his grandfather and maybe his father, who we haven’t really heard anything about one way or the other. “God damn,” Gil thinks to himself as Chance gives a heartfelt explanation of why school board officials probably shouldn’t be going on fishing expeditions through kids’ disciplinary records, “I’m awesome.”

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Dustin, 10/30/19

Say, remember when male Baby Boomers were young and their parents made fun of them for growing their hair long and otherwise not conforming to stifling 1950s codes of what a man should be or look like? Well, those Boomers all lost their hair and now it’s their turn to police everyone else’s masculinity. Whether you’re treating the the availability of a little cinnamon and nutmeg in your coffee like a full grade crisis because girls like it or you think that guy with a small dog up the street ought to be feeling a lot more shame than he apparently does, you’re certainly making your father happy, wherever he is, probably hell.

Dennis the Menace, 10/30/19

Speaking of hell, here’s what all the demons down there will look like. The amount of work Mr. Wilson put into this is absolutely terrifying, and that’s assuming he’s gone to the trouble of creating a perfect Dennis wig and isn’t wearing the poor lad’s scalp as a hat.

Mary Worth, 10/30/19

ME, YESTERDAY: Ha ha, I’m going to make a joke, here on my blog where I make fun of comics, about how Wilbur is going to have an emotional meltdown on this double date with his ex! But probably nothing that interesting will happen.

ME, TODAY: oh my god Wilbur is so worked up he’s going to start guzzling scotch straight from the bottle to prepare himself, this is going to be more amazing than I possibly could’ve imagined

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Mary Worth, 10/29/19

Oh boy oh boy oh boy, I am very excited to watch the total emotional meltdown our boy Wilbur is going to experience during his double date with Iris and her handsome young stud and, uh, some other lady who’s temporarily slipping his mind right now, probably she’s not very important. The biggest question that we’re going to need answered: when his brain breaks, what form will it take? Will the massive flood of negative feelings be directed outward, at Iris and Zak, leading to him getting kicked out of the restaurant at best and slapped with a restraining order at worst? Or will it all go inward, at himself, leaving his ex and her perfectly nice boyfriend to spend an evening awkwardly consoling him as he weeps loudly into his appetizer? (Estelle at this point will have excused herself to the bathroom, where she’ll escape out the window and flee to the nearby frontage road so she can summon an Uber.)

Blondie, 10/29/19

I guess the joke here is that the only thing that could make it worth Lou’s while to deal with job-killing government regulations is Dagwood’s insatiable appetite. But my initial interpretation, which I find much funnier, is that Dagwood is just now learning that for whatever reason in his town the health department subjects food trucks to much stricter scrutiny than restaurants, so when a food truck parks in front of his office, he’s excited to finally enjoy a lunch that won’t cause him terrible diarrhea.

Dustin, 10/29/19

“Autumn is here … it’s the season for apprehension and dread.”

“You’re thinking about Halloween?”

“No, I’m thinking about how watching the leaves wither and fall from the trees makes me realize that all life is ephemeral, about how winter is coming and how it feels colder in my bones every year as I age, about how I know that while spring comes around again every year, eventually it won’t come around for me. Uh, I mean, pumpkin spice, am I right? So basic! I’m definitely not haunted by visions of my own demise!”