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Mary Worth, 1/28/19

Monday is starting with BIG MARY WORTH NEWS, everybody: it turns out that Professor Ian Cameron will not just give you a good grade even if you don’t do your assignments, no matter how vigorously you wink at him. With that out of the way, we can now begin to explore the fact that he’s been ignoring his wife for entirely non-affair-related reasons, probably because he just doesn’t like her very much.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/28/19

Hmm, now I’m beginning to lean away from my longstanding “Hootin’ Holler is an extremely impoverished community that’s geographically, economically, and culturally isolated from mainstream American life” theory and pivoting to “Hootin’ Holler is a deliberately anachronistic intentional community/compound, much like the titular setting of M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village.’

Dennis the Menace, 1/28/19

Dennis Mitchell only received the nickname “the Menace” during his trial for crimes against humanity, when the results of his awful genetic experiments came to light, but there were signs of what was to come from a very early stage in his life.

Family Circus, 1/28/19

Ha ha, kids sure say the darndest things in Munchausen syndrome by proxy situations!

Sam and Silo, 1/28/19

I admit that I’m still having a hard time trying to figure out what Sam and Silo’s deal is, even in terms of its cultural situation, by which I mean: what are the things outside of itself, in the larger cultural universe, that it references? Today we have name-checked the most famous political crisis in American history and … a 2006 cheating scandal in international test cricket? Never change, Sam and Silo, you delightfully unplaceably weird strip!

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Mary Worth, 1/27/19

“Toby, marriages are like sharks. Even as you enter into deeper waters, you still have to keep moving. Because those waters are full of hungry marriages, with razor-sharp teeth, waiting to swarm around you and tear your body to shreds in an awful orgy of blood and death. Where was I going with this? Oh, right Ian is too much of a coward to have an affair, but he’ll probably still try to justify to himself giving a student a grade she doesn’t deserve, because he’s horny.”

Mark Trail, 1/27/19

I’m assuming Sarah Emlen Mathias gets a shoutout because she brought the scourge of the Spotted Laternfly to Mark Trail and/or James Allen’s attention, but the placement of that word balloon sure makes it seem like it might be a very sarcastic “thanks.” “Originally from Southeast Asia, this invasive species popped up in Pennsylvania in 2014 right after Sarah Emlen Mathias got back from a vacation in Laos, so let’s give a big, special thanks to her for not thoroughly checking her luggage before she came home! These voracious little creatures have the potential to cost millions of dollars in damage to agricultural businesses, so, you know, nice one, Sarah.”

Pluggers, 1/27/19

Not really sure what relationship the desperately anxious plugger in the title panel has to the little domestic drama in the main comic, but I’m very keen to find out! From the look on his face I’m assuming that, having received a loved one’s finger in the mail, he’s now getting detailed instructions on where to bring the ransom money.

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The Lockhorns and Pluggers, 1/26/19

Man, here’s a couple of single-panel comics that seem to have gotten their wires crossed today! Normally, The Lockhorns restrains its deep well of misery to the emotional sphere: sure, Loretta constantly trash-talks Leroy’s skimpy paychecks, but that always seems more of a way to belittle him rather than an actual complaint about their finances, as they seem to have no problem paying for Loretta’s shopping sprees, endless and no doubt pricey marriage counseling, and what I assume are their sky-high auto insurance premiums. Have they finally reached the point when Loretta is beginning to secretly pawn their household items in order to buy groceries, or did she do it just to annoy Leroy, “accidentally” bringing him by the window in yet another move in their longstanding chess game of emotional destruction? Pluggers is where we expect to see desperate pawn shop episodes; pluggers have survived true horrors, both foreign and domestic, so don’t try to tell me that the biggest danger they face is on the golf course.

Crankshaft, 1/26/19

It’s true: beloved (?) ancillary Crankshaft character Ralph is having a heart attack! Today we’re getting to the real dramatic heart of this storyline: Ralph is having a heart attack, and it’s going to inconvenience Crankshaft.