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Blondie, 7/27/25

The Blondie creative team has never met a young person that it didn’t want to call a lazy sack of shit, but … I kept waiting for this strip’s punchline to be “Napping and playing video games at work? This nepo baby is just like me for real!” but somehow it never happens. I guess the whole thing could be a subtle joke, but nothing about Blondie in general or today’s installment in particular, which includes the normal English phrase “urban expression,” has ever made it seem like the strip is capable of subtlety.

Mary Worth, 7/27/25

Some claim that New York is the so-called “Greatest City In The World,” but Mary, despite her professed love of the place, has on previous visits already encountered two of its greatest dangers: the criminals who lurk in the city parks and shove innocent bystandards with no warning, and the reckless drivers who speed into pedestrians as they innocently step into the street. Now we must add a third member to this unholy trinity: air conditioning units that simply rain down from the windows of New York’s famously tall buildings, killing dozens a year. Anyway, Olive is thinking about the challenges that come with her gifts, which is a weird setup to her using her gifts to save Mary from a certain bludgeoning death, seemingly without any challenges at all. Unless maybe this wasn’t a use of her psychic powers, but instead she just heard the classic Big Apple “Eyyyy! I’m droppin’ an air conditioning unit outta my window ovah here!” Only in New York, baybee! Amiright folks?

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The Lockhorns, 7/26/25

The random, silent bystanders who show up in The Lockhorns represent one of the strip’s great mysteries. Like, who is this lady, who we’ve never seen before and never will again, but who apparently thought she might get some quality time in with Loretta, only to discover that she was about to take her unconscious husband to a matinee showing of the latest superhero movie? Honestly, I enjoy speculating, but I’m also glad we’ll never find out. Anyway, this, and not some geek-savvy discourse, is the only way I want to think about the box office performance of franchise films. Are Superman’s ticket numbers being artificially inflated by women physically carrying their comatose husbands into the theater, an action that represents the latest aggression in a long-running conflict in a way that even they can’t explain? I’d be happy to read 2,000 words in Variety on the subject.

The Phantom, 7/26/25

Speaking of superhero franchises, The Phantom has been running for 89 years now, and I’m pleased to see that it’s taking the steps necessary to stay up to date. “Don’t share too much personal information online, or you might end up enslaved by warlords in a mine in Africa” is a timely message that today’s comics readers need to hear.

Dustin, 7/26/25

Ha ha, look at Dustin’s expression in that last panel! He’s definitely going to leave his father to die in that hammock, and you know what? Good for him.

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Are you emotionally and psychologically prepared for this week’s comment of the week? I sure hope so, because here it is:

“Wizard of Id has succintly portrayed the difference between Early and Late Medieval modes of warfare: while his Dark Age companions are boldly dying for their feudal lord, the canny Sir Rodney treats war as a profession. He is akin to the condottiere who would dominate later Italian warfare. That sly look and crooked smile is that of a man who sees human corpses as nothing more than money in his purse, arguably far more barbaric than his predecessors. But trebuchets suck for hitting single guys so we’re probably about to see Sir Smarty Pants’ insides in spite of his historically progressive role.” –m.w.

And brace yourself — here are the runners up.

“Some bold theological claims on Pardon My Planet: It stipulates that pick-up lines, jaded sarcasm, and calling women ‘baby cakes’ all predate original sin and can be done in a state of perfect innocence.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“Interesting to see that the Garden of Eden may be free of physical pain, but that ‘cringe’ still exists, even (especially?) among the animals. Maybe our heaven on earth was their hell. Makes you think.” –pugfuggly

“I was going to laugh at these village hicks sitting down with big grins to watch two hours of sickening hallucinogenic body horror, but then I realised this is the intermission! They know what they’re watching and they love it. Psychosexual insect drug orgies? To the Vikings, that’s basically regular orgies.” –Schroduck

“I have never seen character designs more built for an animated series that no one will ever fund.” –Tristan Olson, on BlueSky

“The real joke is that the movie isn’t even over, they’re talking right in the middle of it.” –The Rambling Otter

“Grimm has mistaken Ty-D-bol for Blue Curacao liqueur. Right now his head is spinning but no worries, he’ll be dead soon.” –Hibbleton

“Ignoring your direct report because she’s leaving at the end of her contract, so why bother trying to make her feel like part of the team: JERK BEHAVIOR. Ignoring your coworker because you’re leaving at the end of your contract, so why bother trying to make her feel like part of the conversation she is currently attempting to have with you, and also stone cold referring to her as ‘this woman’ in your head: TOTALLY COOL!” –Lomo

“Do you really need a whole book to tell the story of Noah? Doesn’t Genesis get through it in, like, three chapters? Maybe the rest of the book is advertising for Northern Kentucky’s Ark Encounter.” –Pozzo

“If a guy walked up to me bound up on his cot like that, I’d forget the wailing of the siren: ‘came’ would not land as ‘moved from that place to here.’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I like how seriously Killer is treating this. ‘D-do you NOT hear that loud emergency alert, dumpy fat guy and weirdo bed-man? Why are you just standing around? GET OUTTA MY WAY!’” –Astroboy

“The previous version of this gag was only two panels. I hope they keep producing new versions of this strip with more and more panels, until it’s just a series of tiny slivers with one word in each.” –Peanut Gallery

“Mr. Lodge has a point. Clowning has a traditional set of exercises starting with selecting a clown archetype (whiteface, auguste or tramp) and building through gesture, expression, movement and running gags to develop a coherent character, separate and distinct from the person playing the character. Archie’s just Archie with bigger hair, different-colored freckles and the same lack of humor.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Mr. Lodge clearly used AI to write the book and put a picture of the money he saved by stiffing a human on the back as a power move. The proleteriat is on notice now!” –Jerp + Jump

“There is something about the way the barbarian’s weapon is drawn — the perspective, I guess — that makes it look too three-dimensional to be a flat sword. Wait, I have it: it’s a popsicle. The barbarian is trying to eat a popsicle in peace and this idiot keeps sticking a pointed stick in his face.” –Nekrotzar

“The waitress already knew Andy Bear is kidding. He isn’t wanted anywhere.” –matt w

“As he scurried away with the loot, the Millipede laughed. Leaving two of his 1300 right gloves behind … no way the Vulpine Vindicator was going to figure this one out!” –Voshkod

“I, myself, had a pair of eyeglasses that hid my pupils, and disguised normal eye functions. Took ’em driving! Many have died needlessly.” –A Grave Mind

“That TikTok still only got 5 likes. It’s tough out there.” –BillieVee

“In panel two, Killer is holding a bottle of Instant Hat.” –Ukulele Ike

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