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Your COTW is right here, right now!

“Hey guys, an app that can load the dishwasher is called a robot. How soon we forget the tropes of yesteryear.” –Hibbleton

Your runners up are also hilarious!

“Hey, if Wilbur had been walking just a little faster, the kid would have barreled into him and WILBUR would have exploded under the wheels of the mysterious army-green van. I think the kid was given a job by the syndicate, and he just fucked up.” –Charterstoned

“Pavel wants my death to be a private affair, I want it to be catered with at least twenty close friends in attendance. I already have my coffin pattern registered.” –Garrison Skunk

“The enemy must be nearby. Looks like a foot patrol. [‘Booooo!’] We always knew our adversaries were trying to get a toehold in the region. [‘Booooooo!’] Truly, these heels have become our arch-nemeses. Destroying us is their sole purpose. This is just the first step to- [*gets pelted with rotten fruit, expired eggs, and stray feet*]’ –jroggs

“Now we see why Kit Jr. suddenly, and without advance notice, returned to the Deep Woods from Himalayas Tech — he flunked out. It isn’t that he struggled with the advanced courses such as ‘Philosophical Defenses of Colonialism’ or ‘Tax Loopholes Regarding the Plundering and Hoarding of Antiquities’ or even the intermediate-level courses such as ‘Wearing Ridiculous Costumes’. No, this dunce couldn’t even manage the very basic courses such as ‘Skulking Silently’, ‘Situational Awareness 101’, and the lab course on ‘The Hazards of Chains’. Up in the big Skull Cave in the Sky, 20 previous generations of Phantoms are watching this sad spectacle, shaking their heads, and saying ‘No. Just no.’” –seismic-2

“Well, I learned something today: the characters in Crock don’t seem to have any kind of blood or bones, they’re made of a kind of homogenous pink matter, like a kind of living pâté. It doesn’t really increase my enjoyment of the strip, but it does remove the last bit of sympathy I had for the characters, as at least avatars of humanity.” –pugfuggly

“Kit Jr. is learning why you can’t do this job in regular clothes like a dumbass. The reason for wearing a garish skin-tight costume is that the confusion is audible in the bad guys, alerting you to their presence behind you.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I love the Dumb Disheveled Dad podcast.” –Norbizness, on BlueSky

“No OMs either. He’s dead, Killer. That’s rigor mortis setting in.” –astroboy

“I love Brigman’s choice of having the panel’s frame cut off the bottom half of Wilbur’s face, leaving the expression his mouth is making to the sick imaginations of her readers. I personally am picturing him tongue lolling like a Snuffy Smith character.” –Drew Funk

“You know what, I think he did mean AI, because … he just said that? I’m not trying to be an asshole here, I just think that you might not be really paying attention.” –pugfuggly

“Man, now I have a new reason to fear death: I really don’t want a ghostly cloaca.” –Lionheart

“There is no pavement, no modern infrastructure around the computer store. I’ve seen enough cartoons to know a mirage when I see one. Both ladies are suffering from heat stroke and hallucinating a futuristic store selling futuristic goods. Is the joke that they will both die soon or that their last thoughts before their inconsequential lives are snuffed out by nature are how much they hate Maggot and would like to sell him into slavery, but there would be no buyers? Or is it a meta-textual joke on how I’ve spent five precious minutes thinking about this and will never get those back?” –Old Man Shadow

“Fortunately for us, and perhaps the beneficiary of Gertie’s will, that combustion engine doesn’t appear to be connected to a drivetrain, only an exhaust system, the better to make her specialty kale-banana-carbon-monoxide smoothies.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Say what you will about Wilbur, at least he invested some of his Ask Wendy Advice Column money in a shaving kit.” –A Worthy Foe

“Historically (or mythologically I guess) the Greek gods visit human women for sex. That’s what’s meant to be happening here, right? So Poseidon’s line about hydration is intended sexually, like ‘Time to hydrate, because you’re going to lose a lot of fluids during the ensuing hours of sweaty intercourse we’re about to have!’ You’d think a god could come up with a better pick-up line.” –Stuart F

“I’ve had worse. From a C-ration on day four in Bastogne. I ate it cold because a flame would have have drawn snipers. So, yes, dear, I’ve had worse — but with better company.” –Voshkod

“We are dangerously close to Wilbur deciding that women like ape-like men, Googling Ape-Man seeking some illegal steroid that promises results, but accidentally falling down the Furry rabbit-hole (no pun intended) and emerging as a terrifying ape persona! However, if this ends up being a King Kong storyline with Wilbur shot down from the tallest tower in Santa Royale, it will have been worth it.” –Philip

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Dennis the Menace, 4/19/24

There’s been a disturbing trend lately of Dennis the Menace panels where Dennis doesn’t figure into the gag at all, even as an unseen presence, and instead it’s just Mr. and Mrs. Wilson going about their daily lives, and while I guess it might be a smart move to pander to the newspaper comics’ aging audience, frankly I’m not a fan. This could have been yet another George-and-Martha only installment, but instead it includes Dennis as a silent observer of Mr. Wilson’s petty gripe and his wife’s resulting discomfiture, which I think is a truly if subtly menacing move, so kudos.

Mary Worth, 4/19/24

Ha ha, what if Wilbur, to get a little measure of revenge against his ex’s young, hot new boyfriend, imagined his rival as a brutish ape? That would definitely be amusing and … oh no. Oh no. Look at his face, look at those drooping eyelids and little smile, he is definitely becoming aroused, abort abort abort

Pluggers, 4/19/24

No! No!!! I don’t care how cheap they are — a plugger would never purchase tofu, do you hear me? Never! Never!!!!

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Six Chix, 4/18/24

I’ll freely admit that I find floating Poseidon here very charming, with his cheery attitude and his whole … diaper? situation and a single eye perched right on his dick, perhaps in loving memory of his son Polyphemus, cut down in his prime by Odysseus. Anyway, much as it pains me to be pedantic (haha, just kidding, I love pedantry more than I love my own family), Poseidon is specifically the god of the sea, along with earthquakes and, uh, horses, so the water in that glass is very salty and won’t help this poor woman hydrate at all. The guy you’re looking for is Achelous, the river god who is the father of all the freshwater springs.

Hagar the Horrible, 4/18/24

Insurance exists as a risk-pooling technique, and from the perspective of the insurer, the point is to exclude riskier customers from the pool as much as possible, or at least to price that risk appropriately. Normally you’d do this via actuarial science, but if you had the power to scry into the future, you would obviously just exclude future disaster victims from your insurance plan altogether rather than marketing to them. Clearly Hagar is being scammed here, possibly because he already used this lady’s one true crystal ball in battle, and she needs to make up the revenue somehow.

Gearhead Gertie, 4/18/24

Lotta questions about what today’s Gearhead Gertie tells us about this strip’s universe. Are we meant to understand that Gertie is fielding questions at, like, a press conference or something, because her monomania has made her something of a local celebrity? Or is she just breaking the fourth wall and addressing us readers personally? Also, would an internal combustion engine really improve blender performance in any noticeable way? Or is she willing to destroy appliance after appliance just to make a point?

Mary Worth, 4/18/24

All right, fine, I’ve been complaining about yet another Wilbur storyline, but … I gotta give it up for panel two here, where Wilbur’s ex and her new boytoy natter on about how, thanks to their fitness regimen, they’re only getting sexier, while Wilbur stares at them in numb silence. I’m hooked! They got me! They always get me!