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Mark Trail, 5/6/19

Yeah, off the top of my head, it could mean that you’re not in the valley you think you’re in, which means that you’re lost in an arid, hostile environment; or that you’ve time-travelled hundreds of thousands of years into the future, leaving behind everything you’ve ever known and possibly arriving to a world where humanity itself has ceased to exist. Either way, it seems pretty not great!

Blondie, 5/6/19

Based on everyone’s body language in panel two, the “best dream ever” Dagwood had was 100% a sex dream, right?

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Mary Worth, 5/5/19

Some might say this is “Arthur” revealing his true face, and it is … just not the way you think. Our slovenly scammer has come to realize that Estelle will never, ever give up on him unless he makes it truly obvious that he is not and never was the man she loves. Rather than just abruptly ceasing to take her calls and leaving her bereft of both love and closure, he’s decided to make his own bad intentions as clear as possible, really leaning into the scumbaggery, in order to establish a clean break. Look at how riled up he is in that final panel! Surely such a skilled con artist would never let his emotions run away with him in the midst of his act; no, this is pure method acting, and in its own way an act of love, to help Estelle get over him as soon as possible.

Pluggers, 5/5/19

There’s exactly one tiny chair within viewing distance of that television, so I’m assuming that Henrietta Beak is unfamiliar not just with the remote but with TV generally, as her husband spends most of his waking hours sitting there while she tends to the kitchen or whatever. She’s in for a steep learning curve as she tries to find her favorite shows. “What channel is the DuMont Network? Why won’t the TV Guide tell me the schedule for this ‘Net-flicks’ channel?”

Hagar the Horrible, 5/5/19

Good Lord, in order to assuage his deep and profound loneliness, Hamlet has demanded that this pagan sorcerer pull living souls from the aether! Sure, these children will make Hamlet’s birthday more fun, but will their very presence in our world unbalance the structure of reality? Merlin, you’ve gone too far this time!

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Judger Parker, 5/4/19

I’m trying to remember exactly to what degree Sam and/or Abbey’s fingerprints would be on any aspect of the Great Norton Caper (in which, just to remind you, Judge Parker Emeritus helped April’s dad fake his death) that’s about to be revealed in a tell-all book, and honestly? I’m not sure that there are any! Which is great — for Sam. He can just quietly hang up the phone and then go back to planning how to charge the rubes $250 a night on AirBnB to stay in Marie’s old servant’s hovel ($175 if they just want to sleep in the horse barn), and start practicing saying “Judge Parker? Judge Parker? Doesn’t ring a bell.”

Mark Trail, 5/4/19

God bless Mark Trail for dedicating an entire day’s strip for establishing how theatrically sleepy all its characters are! The only one missing is JJ. I certainly hope come Monday he gets a whole strip to himself to stretch ostentatiously.

Gil Thorp, 5/4/19

Not gonna lie, folks: I personally relate to few people in the comics more than the guy in panel one, who tried to come up with something complimentary to say to a pretty, popular girl on the softball team and ended up blurting out “Way to … mash … the ball” as he awkwardly high-fives her in the hallway. He’s gonna be thinking about that for years to come.

Hi and Lois, 5/4/19

Hi, she’s … she’s right there, man

I’m pretty sure she can hear you

Not cool