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Funky Winkerbean, 1/21/19

As I keep harping on, I know the time-jump got the details of Wally’s story all messed up, but I never realized that those details were, like, “Wally somehow never told his new wife that he had a daughter, and she reacts to having this information sprung on her by smirking sassily at him” messed up. Big shout out to Funky Winkerbean for always surprising me, and never in a good way!

Mary Worth, 1/21/19

OK, Jannie, see, you can spend your energy buttering up your professor in transparently nonsense ways and hope that the goodwill thus generated will predispose him to be generous when you half-ass your assignments, or you can actually sleep with him and use the resulting emotional connection/potential blackmail material to strongarm him into giving you a good grade when you stop doing work altogether. But to deploy the strategy you’ve chosen here … well, it’s bold, I’ll give you that.

Spider-Man, 1/21/19

Wow, it looks like the Newspaper Spider-Man Narration Box is comparing the exchange of currency for labor in a free-market system to an evil supervillain using supernatural powers to enslave his helpless victim into doing his bidding. You never know who’s gonna go full communist these days!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/20/19

I like that Rex’s reaction to some uncouth ruffian making a scene is to stare approvingly out at the bleak, barren land below. “Look at it, Brayden,” he says. “No people with their messy emotional or biological needs. Just vast, endless silence. If this plane were to drop out of the sky and smear itself across that austere landscape right now, it would honestly be a blessing.”

Family Circus, 1/20/19

Pretty sure this is actually a demonstration of two very different kinds of child’s mind: Dolly’s, which has just begun to understand what a metaphor is, and Jeffy’s, which very much does not and possibly never will.

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Pardon My Planet, 1/19/19

Pardon My Planet is a strip (panel?) I’ve added to my rotation in the new year, and honestly I can’t really tell if it’s supposed to be a Far Side-esque series of out-of-context gags that happens to only have three or four character models, or if I’m supposed to be recognizing these people as distinct characters with persistent personalities and such. Either way, though, today’s panel, which implies a rapid descent into body horror as this haunted-eyes dude tries escalating techniques for transforming his anatomy in impossible ways, represents a sharp turn that I am very much here for.

Dennis the Menace, 1/19/19

God damn it, is it possible to be less menacing than adorably comforting your dad with a lovable teddy bear??? The only way I can accept this is if I imagine Dennis as being extremely sarcastic. “Here, dad … mom says you’re havin’ a rough day and whining like a little baby, so here’s a stuffed animal, like a baby would want. Fuckin’ baby.”